


Waves of Shells: Just to Survive

by frogonthemoon



Series: Waves of Shells [1]
Category: Waves of Shells
Genre: Asexual Characters, Australia, Bisexual Character, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bushfire, Depression, Major character death - Freeform, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Pansexual Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Queer Characters, Queer Relationships, Suicide, Survival Horror, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance, Transgender Characters, Trauma, Undead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-26 15:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 60,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frogonthemoon/pseuds/frogonthemoon
Summary: Indigo, a queer thirteen-year-old girl has a relatively okay life until the shells come. They're zombies basically. Not only does she have to deal with the undead and fighting to stay alive, she has to try and help others who also struggle with mental health issues. Later on she has to deal with major loss and finding a new happiness.this is my first book so feel free to add suggestions on what i could do to improve :P
Series: Waves of Shells [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2215521





	1. Prologue: May 16th, 2020

“Diggie, do you hear that?” Jonquil whispered, grabbing my arm as unnatural noises began to become more noticeable in the vicinity.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, J, Salem would’ve told us if there were any shells here,” I said. But I wasn’t sure. Yes, Salem and Gabrielle had been here earlier, but everyone knows that shells often lurk and stay until you’re right there in front of them.

We snuck around the back of the tip shop, but stopped once we saw what was in front of us. “What the fuck?” I hissed.

At least three or four shells were pawing a cage, which on closer inspection had a wallaby cowering in the centre. Jonquil and I stared at the shells and the wallaby, not knowing if it was a distraction for other survivors, or just some fucked-up loony having fun. Suddenly there was a loud thump behind us and we jerked around. Jonquil already had her knife poised for attack.

“Guys, calm down!” Emilia put her hands up, alarmed.

“Jesus Christ, Em, you couldn’t have made less noise?!” I said, my heart beating frantically.

She ignored me, “I found some batteries and some sweaters, but that’s it. We’ve already been there so many times, and so have other people, it looks like- wait, what the heck is that?!” she pointed to the wallaby in the cage.

“Oh, I don’t- Jonquil, where did the shells go?” I looked all around us.

“Shit, I didn’t see,” she craned her neck to see past my shoulders.

“Well, let’s just hope they went some other way,” Emilia gulped.

“Yeah.”


	2. March 18th, 2019

After I put down all the chairs in my homeroom, I sat at the furthest desk back from the whiteboard. I was always the first one at school on Mondays, as my mum had work early, and it was in Claremont, far away from our house in South Hobart. At least Mondays were my favourite day. I had my Dance class first period, my English class third period and my Health Theory class last period, my three favourite subjects. I was particularly excited for Health because my crush was in that class.

Suddenly, the door opened and a Year 10 from my homegroup came in. Her name was Anousheh, and it looked like she had just come from badminton practice, as her racquet was stuffed roughly in the back pocket of her school bag. She put the bag in her bag cupboard, then walked over to me, “Hey Indigo! Your hair’s longer than mine now, even though it’s curly!” she ruffled the top of my head, “Ah, you rangas.”

I smiled painfully. I didn’t like it when people touched my hair.

A couple of minutes later, Maude Reilly, the other Year 9 girl in my homegroup came in. “Hey,” she said, looking as if she’d just rolled out of bed, her eyelids heavy with tiredness.

“Hey, Maude. Good job on coming second place,” I congratulated her. She’d competed in a horse-riding competition on Saturday. She nodded drowsily and slumped her head on the table next to me.

As it started to draw closer to 8:30, when classes started, more members of my homegroup came in. A Year 8, Hayley Winston, appeared right before the bell, hurriedly sitting next to Rosie Ford. They were best friends.

***

Because I had Dance first, I was already in my sports uniform. I quickly opened the door of the Dance Room, and then shut it, as some of the other girls in my dance class were getting changed. “Hey!” my friend Rae Nielsen said, smiling. Rae was one of those skinny dance kids. But at least I was taller if chubbier. She was very dark-skinned and wore these wired rimmed glasses the colour of rose gold that was always nearly falling off the tip of her nose. She had recently dyed her braids red at the ends, and it looked pretty cool. She pushed her glasses back up as I asked, “Hey! How’s your day been?”

“Well,” she considered, “It hasn’t really started yet, but good so far!”

“That’s good,” I said.

I sat down on the carpet against the back wall, waiting for the girls to finish getting ready. Two minutes later, the dance teacher came in. Carrie was one of the best teachers in the school. She was like a student, always interested in the current relationships and gossip, and funny. “Hey, ladies! Ready to hip the hop?”

Everyone yelled, “Yeah, Carrie!”

“Nice.”

When everyone was dressed, Carrie let the boys in, and the class immediately got five times louder. Lydia and Xavier, the class couple, sat next to each other and started to laugh and giggle. They sat with tiny Jocelyn Whitaker, 4’9” tall; whose giant of a boyfriend was in the other dance class for this semester. His name was Samuel Gilbert, and he was 6’3”. They had a very waspish personality, who didn’t take any shit, but she was nice enough. Jocelyn had shoulder-length honey coloured hair that was always tied in a ponytail with a scrunchie and had hazel eyes. Lydia Reyes, called Skinny Lyd by our Year 7 class, was very laid-back. She had very light greyish-brown hair, and pale watery blue eyes and her face was always quite red. Xavier, however, had dull brown hair that was just above his shoulders and light brown eyes. He and Lydia seemed to love each other a lot. I always found Xavier a bit of a dick, but if Lydia liked him, it wasn’t my place to say anything.

Rae came and sat next to me a little bit later, as did her friend Katya Whitfield, whose twin sister Maddie was one of my friends. Katya was more extravagant. “Aaaaagh!” screamed Polly Kozhakov from behind me. We all looked back and saw that Bridget Godfrey had fallen on top of Polly, and Maude Cotton was laughing so hard that she started coughing.

“Bridget!” Carrie chuckled, “Try not to tread on Polly! If she did the same to you, you’d have to go to the office!” She was right there. Polly Kozhakov was the second tallest girl in the grade, my friend Tsubame Hopkins being the tallest. Polly was an extreme extrovert, friends with nearly everyone in the grade, a bit like my friends Sabrina Turner and Jeannie Quincey. All of them were extroverts. I wasn’t. I didn’t like to socialise, and I couldn’t deal with loud noises and lots of people. I preferred my friends and people who understood the need for quiet, like Edie Norris.

Edie Norris was quiet, but a straight-to-the-point girl. She wanted to be a doctor when she grew up, and she certainly had the brains for it. She wore glasses that made her eyes larger when she looked at you. Another loud one was Maude Cotton, who we called Cottie. She wasn’t directly one of my friends, but one of my best friends, Tamara Jones, was friends with her. The last person of importance in my dance class was Jacques Aguillon. He too was in my homeroom but was always late, so that was why he wasn’t mentioned earlier. He was okay but always irritated me for some reason. He’d moved down from France two years ago, but had no trace of a French accent. He was what they called an eshay.

The rest of the lesson went just as usual, so I’ll skip ahead to my Humanities class. In that class, one of my “friends”, Tsubame Hopkins. She was tall and had light blue eyes and brown hair which she always tied in a side ponytail. As part of the school formal uniform, there was a blazer that was meant for occasions like assemblies and Gatherings, but Tsubame wore it all the time. She was very conservative, unlike the rest of us, and she hated the fact that we were mostly queers and were all far-left leaning. But we managed to get along, as long as no one brought up politics or basic human rights. We were all kind of scared of her, but we couldn’t just tell her to leave. She didn’t have anywhere else to go.

“What did you have for breakfast?” Tsubame greeted me, sitting next to me in the back row.

I thought for a moment. I hadn’t had time to have breakfast, but I lied, “I had a pikelet.” Tsubame always got annoyed if I didn’t have breakfast. I don’t know why, though.

Ten minutes later, a girl called Kara Dustinson came up to me and asked, “Can I borrow your charger?” She always reminded me of Mirage from the Incredibles and she always needed a charger. She must have lost hers.

I gave it to her, then went straight back to my work.

***

The bell rang again for the end of the morning classes and the start of recess. I raced down to my locker and shoved all my stuff hastily in it. I didn’t want to miss seeing her. I didn’t even get my food. I practically sprinted down the South Block stairs and into the student common room, jumping into a seat at our table. I scanned the line at the canteen and found my girl. Her name was Jonquil Isabella Feroz. She was quite small, only 5’1”, but she was very muscular, as she played rugby and did CrossFit. She had dark brown eyes and light blonde hair. She always tied her hair up in a high bun and had tan skin, stemming from her Cuban father’s side. She always boasted about how her grandma could make the meanest ropa vieja.

The smallest thing could have her roaring with laughter. She very nearly always overreacted to small things and she was very enthusiastic when it came to games and sports (probably because she was so good at them), and I don’t ever remember someone who was so fitness-oriented. She looked fit too, as she was thin, but had broad shoulders and strong arms and legs. But the thing that I loved most about her was her smile. It was one of those smiles that almost stretched from ear to ear, but with the mouth closed. Just something about it made me feel so happy. She had a little gap in between her canines and molars, which for some reason I found adorable.

My best friends came over and sat down a couple of moments later. Jamie Wilkins was my oldest one. We’d been the only ones from our old school to come here. He used to have extremely long strawberry blonde hair, but he’d cut it last August, and now he had very short hair. He had light hazel eyes. He used to be at least two inches taller than me, but I’d hit my growth spurt in Year 7, so now I was quite a bit taller than him, as I was 5’6” compared to his 5’2”. Jamie was what people described as unbridled rage, a package of chaos in human form.

Next was Tamara Jones. She was relatively new to Tassie as well. She’d come down from Brisbane, Queensland in the summer of 2018, and started the same year we did. She had very light blonde hair, blue eyes and pink glasses that she was embarrassed to wear but kind of needed them and was a year younger than all of us except Emilia. She was the first friend we made here. I’d known she was going to be friends with us from the first time I met her (Jamie had met her on the first camp) because she had just come up to us one lunch, said hi, then walked away. She’d done that for about a month, and then she started to sit with us. Soon after, her friend Emilia McElroy had started to as well. Tsubame had only started sitting with us this year, as she had had a group of friends, but decided to hang with us instead. Tsubame had been in my Year 7 class. We were all now best friends. Emilia and I were particularly good friends, as we both loved the Shrek movies and had packed survival bags one time. Mine still hung on the back of my door.

Emilia McElroy was a very funny person. Even though she was about one inch taller than me, she was a year younger, which was strange considering she was the same year group. She had long light brown hair and brown eyes and sometimes wore turquoise glasses. Sometimes we would just call her McElroy because there were two other Emilias in the Year group, which was funny. After all, Emilia wasn’t a common name. There were McElroy, Richardson and Wilshaw.

The last three to the table were Cherry, Lucy and Salem. Cherry and Salem both came from Collegiate, with Salem only arriving halfway through Year 8.

Cherry had long light-brown hair which was dyed a sort of pinkish-red colour at the end and was tied up in a high ponytail. Salem Rutherford was the most open, crazy person apart from Jamie in the table group. She was really small and thin, even more so than Jonquil and was hilarious. They had really, and I mean really, long grey-brown hair and almost always dressed the same as Emilia. Salem was the only one with a partner.

The last one was Lucy Sampson. She had shoulder-length brown hair dyed lighter at the ends and even though she was a year older than all of us (except Emilia and Tamara, who were two years younger than her), she was the shortest.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could still see Jonquil, paying for her food. She turned around to leave, and for a moment we locked eyes. I panicked and quickly stared back at my friends.

Tamara was playing that google thing where the computer had to guess what you were drawing. The thing she had to draw was a thong, but unfortunately, she wasn’t doing very well. When the computer didn’t guess it, Tamara exclaimed, “What the dinkle! That is a frickin’ thong! How did it not guess that?!”

“Show me,” Emilia said, then burst out into a fit of laughter when she saw it.

Salem stood on their toes to see it, then proclaimed, “It looks like a pickle with an eyepatch!”

We all snorted and cackled, and I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breathe, “A pickle… with an eyepatch?!” I gasped between breaths.

We were oddballs, that was for sure, but we liked it that way.

***

I was the last one in S301, the only upstairs classroom in South Block. Emilia, Tamara and Tsubame were already sitting on our assigned table. Today we had a relief teacher, as John was doing a play. The relief teacher was Mandy, one of the drama teachers. We had ten minutes of silent reading first, then Mandy wrote on the whiteboard. What is the only English word in the language that ends in ‘mt’? I knew this one. “Ooh, I know that one! It’s dreamt!” I called out before she’d even asked the class.

Mandy frowned because I called out, but then grinned, “Well, that is the right answer.”

“But what about ‘mt’ for mountain?” Emilia questioned loudly.

Edie Buckner, one of the popular girls, turned around in her seat and said snarkily, “That’s an abbreviation, not a word.”

Emilia was startled, then replied automatically, “You’re an abbreviation, not a word,” then she realised what she’d said and panicked, “Ah, I’m sorry, Edie! It’s the only comeback I know!”

Edie raised her eyebrows in disdain and did what we called an Edie face. When she turned back around, Tamara wheezed, “She’s so mad!”

Gemma Morton, one of Tamara’s friends on another table, was turning red as she was laughing so much, “Emilia, that was so great!” she said. Emilia put her head on the desk and made an embarrassed noise.

Mandy was laughing too, but she quickly stopped and cleared her throat noisily, “Okay, focus people.”

At 12:55, the bell rang for the start of lunch. I was the first one out of the classroom and I raced down the stairs to my tutor room, because I knew that was where Jonquil was having maths. Luckily, the door was still closed. That meant the class was still going, and it was being taught by my tutor, Angie, who was very punctual. I waited outside and tried to avoid the traffic of students in the corridor. The door of S203 suddenly opened from the inside and Jonquil’s maths class came pouring out. There was a laugh and a wheeze, then after a pause, Jonquil and her friend Elodie Archer came out. Jonquil looked at me, still laughing, and said, “Hey Indigo! What’s up?”

I squealed in my throat, then managed to mumble, “Hi, I’m good, thank you.” Then I pushed past Elodie into my tutor room, my face breaking into a huge smile when nobody could see. I hopped once and clicked my toes in the air. “Why so happy, Indigo?” Angie asked.

I’d forgotten she was there, “Um, I get to… get an icy-pole after school. I haven’t had one in a very long time. Yeah.” I explained desperately.

She nodded and went back to her marking of papers.

***

I was first at the table again at lunchtime, having zoomed down from my locker room after putting my stuff away. Jonquil wasn’t at the canteen yet. I looked around the common room, impatiently tapping the table with my fingers. I waited for a while, and then I decided to write some revision up in my exercise book for German. I was looking down, not being able to see anything around me, when I heard a thunk on the table. Thinking it was Salem, I looked up, but instead of seeing Salem, Jonquil was pushing her big school bag onto the table, standing against the edge of the table. “Hey, In-day!” she said when she saw me looking.

I found it hard to speak, but I managed to say with a slight smile, “Hi.”

“We don’t have many classes together this semester, do we? That sucks,” she said, frowning and nodding.

I made a noise of agreement, looking determinedly at my work.

“What electives are you doing?” she asked, trying to catch my eye.

I looked up, looking into her dark eyes for a second, but looking quickly down and saying, “Um, I’m doing dance-”

“I’m doing dance too!” she interrupted, “Damn, we could have been in the same class!”

“Yeah,” I agreed, not knowing what I should say.

“Well, let’s hope for Semester 2, yeah?” she winked, which made me nearly faint. She would just talk to anyone and ask them about themselves and talk to them about school and stuff, even if she’d never met them before, another of the things I envied about her.

“Alright, bye Indigo!” Jonquil slung her bag over her shoulders and went to stand in the canteen line.

I put my head on my arms as I rested on the table and sighed. I quickly regained myself as Salem finally sat down on the opposite side of the table. “What’s up?” she finger-gunned at me.

I glanced at the canteen line. Jonquil was near to the end. Then I looked back and said, “Ah, nothing much. What about you?”

He looked at me weirdly but knowingly as I took another quick look through the glass window at Jonquil. Then she smirked and signed something with their fingers. I can’t do sign language or read it, so I just looked at them with a blank stare.

Salem laughed and whispered, “Girl?”

I blushed, nodding. She nodded approvingly.

It was around the middle of lunch, and Jamie, Salem, Cherry, Lucy and Tsubame had gone to the school library, so it was just Emilia, Tamara and me. I was playing Minecraft on my laptop, and Tamara was watching, while Emilia was quickly finishing her maths homework, which was due next period. I was in a really good world in which I had 37 diamonds and an awesome house. I was half having a conversation with Tamara as well. But suddenly, Jonquil appeared out of nowhere, right next to our table. Or maybe I’d just noticed. Either way, my face was going red again, and my chest was tightening. I kept on crafting, though. I didn’t want Emilia and Tamara to notice. It would’ve stayed fine if she hadn’t said anything, but Jonquil leant on the table and looked at us, then said, “Whatcha doin’?”

We all looked at each other and didn’t know what to say, but I said, “Um, t- talking?”

“Ooh, about what?” she engaged. I was frantically trying not to squeal out loud, but I managed to squeak out, “Life- no, Tamara, leave my diamonds!” as Tamara attempted to steal my diamonds in Minecraft.

“Ah, playing the craft!” Jonquil grinned, “I got a diamond last night, but then I died, but then I got another one.”

“Cool,” I tried not to smile.

“Okay, bye guys,” Jonquil left.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Emilia let out a gigantic laugh and cackled, “What was that?!”

I tried not to say anything because I knew why she’d come. “She’s just a strange child,” I explained.

“Yeah, I noticed she does stuff like that often, especially to you, Indigo,” Tamara puzzled.

“I’m sure she does it to a lot of other people,” I shrugged. Inside though, I was compressing the excitement into my lungs, so it was hard to breathe.

Four minutes later, Tamara said, “Jonquil lied.”

Emilia and I responded, “Huh?”

“She lied,” Tamara repeated, “You never get only one diamond.”

***

It was 3:34 now, with one minute to go until we could go to afternoon homegroup time. We were all packed up with the chairs stacked on the table-tops. I was talking to Rae, and then she went to talk to Kathy across the room. I didn’t mind though. I was listening to all the other conversations. I just stood there, staring at the wall. But suddenly, randomly, Jonquil stepped in front of me and stood there for a moment. I was kind of scared, not of her, but of what she was doing. She was quite unpredictable. I avoided eye contact and pretended not to notice her.

Then she stepped even closer and said with a completely expressionless and straight face, “No one told me life was gonna be this way.” Then she tapped her blue metal drink bottle, labelled with ion, against her Health folder to the rhythm of the Friends TV show theme. She burst out laughing, and I started to laugh too, crinkling my eyes up so tight that I could barely see her. She had a wonderful laugh, so loud and obnoxious, it just made me laugh so much too.

“No one told me either,” I shrugged, half-joking and half-telling what I thought. She laughed back with me. Why would she do that? She was a strange one, that was for sure.

The bell rang loud and my class rushed out the doors. I was at the back, as too was Jonquil. I’d already said bye to Rae. It always ended up like this. Jonquil’s tutor was just down the hall from mine, so I would always follow behind her after Health. I watched the back of her as we walked down the North Block stairs, out onto the North Block patio, down the right side of the other stairs, and into South Block. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was always then and whenever she was close to me, that I realised how pretty she was. I looked at her hair, tied up in a high bun. She barely ever wore it out. I could only ever remember one time when Jonquil had her hair out. It was on the second last Wednesday of Year 7. Her hair had reached half-way down her back. And it was so shiny and glossy.

I came to my tutor room, “Bye, Jonquil,” I smiled.

She turned her head around and smiled back, “Bye, Indigo.”

I guess when you’re so young and innocent, you never think about how much things can change in a matter of days. Well, we were about to find out.


	3. March 21st, 2019

I woke up early on Thursday morning, snuggled in my flannelette sheets and soaking up the only warmth in my cold room. My mum came in a few moments later, “Indigo, get up! We woke up late!”

I gagged theatrically and frowned because it was the time that we usually got up at. It was just another of her ploys to get me out of bed. I reluctantly pulled off the flannelette covers and slipped my feet onto the floor. I shivered violently. It was freezing. I picked up my scrunched-up sports clothes off the floor. I had P.E. second period and I hated the changerooms. Body dysmorphia sucks.

When I was in my uniform, I walked over to my wooden carved mirror to brush my long, bushy, auburn hair. I finished brushing when my hair shone like burnt copper. I sighed. It wouldn’t stay that way for long. I then proceeded to open the curtains beside my bed. The darkness was giving way to daybreak and the day was so new that the rays of light were visible, shining through the gaps in the grey clouds and onto patches of the surrounding area. One on the famous Organ Pipes of kunanyi, sun glinting off the glass observation deck, and another on the wild backyard of my home, the Co-Op. The dew on the gum leaves sparkled like shards of glass.

But the day didn’t feel right. It was sunny, but bitter cold. Bright yet darkness fell everywhere. I think I knew what would happen, even before it did. I turned away from the window and wrenched open the drawer of my desk. I pulled out a pair of scissors, and remembering I had my pocket knife, slid it into my softshell jacket. Just to be sure. I put my laptop back in its case and shoved them both in their respective place in my navy school bag. I hitched the big bag onto my shoulder, and I raced down the stairs. My mum, Nicole, called out from the small bathroom, “I’m going to have a shower now, I want both of you ready to go when I’m finished!”

“But I can’t brush my teeth and my hair if you’re in there!” My brother Isaiah screeched. I scoffed. His hair was even worse than mine. He had short, messy, brown hair that was kind of like the Beatles’ classic haircuts.

After ten minutes, the door of the bathroom opened, and my mum, wrapped in a blue towel, stepped out. “You can brush your teeth now!” she announced. Isaiah and I both glanced at each other, then we sped towards the sink. I got there first, so I held up my toothbrush in victory, “I cast thee out of my personal space!” I shouted triumphantly.

“This enough space? Is it enough? Is it? Is it?” Isaiah mocked as he repeatedly bumped into me on purpose. I shoved him away and squirted the toothpaste onto the toothbrush and started. I spat the residual saliva and paste into the plughole. Mum yelled at us because we had to go and suddenly, I realised I’d forgotten to put on my necklace. It was a small, blue, felt heart on a fine gold chain. “Shit!” I whispered to myself, then yelled to her, “I’m coming, mama!” I quickly clipped the necklace underneath my collar, and I rushed to the door, hitching my bag upon my back. I jogged to the car, my mother and brother already ahead of me.

The next I came there, it would be with forty other people, escaping from the first wave of shells.

***

I arrived at The Friends’ School at precisely 8:28, two minutes before I had to be in homegroup time, and seven minutes before actual school started. About half of my homegroup was there. I quickly double-checked what I had in first and second period, I checked the torn timetable, stuck to the locker door with aqua blue-tack. First period was Mathematics with Harper Caldwell, and second period was P.E. with Colin Bellamy. I felt something lift in my heart as I realised who was in my second class.

The bell was about to go for the start of homegroup time, but I had to go to the toilet. Peeing was uneventful, but when I stepped out of the cubicle, Emilia was there.

“‘Ola, Emilia!” I said cheerfully, “Got P.E.?”

Emilia grinned and said, “Naw, I need to shet!”

Then we both laughed, and shouted, “Disgustin’!”

“Hey, Indigo, do the crab dance!” Emilia suddenly said as I was washing my hands. I sighed and was about to do it as someone randomly turned up behind me and said slyly,

“Yeah Indigo, do the crab dance!”

I nearly jumped out of my skin and I felt my chest tighten as I realised who had spoken. Jonquil had just out of nowhere appeared behind me. She always did that. Well, I had just been asked to do the crab dance by one of my best friends and Jonquil. I sighed, knowing I’d have to do it. I only did it for a couple of seconds, because the embarrassment crept up on me, I felt my cheeks getting redder, so I didn’t want to look like it had tired me out. I first made up the crab dance while trying to scare Isaiah and 9-year-old cousin. It consisted of me squatting with my legs far apart, turning my hands into tong shapes and jumping from side to side.

Emilia and Jonquil were laughing, so I still felt happy, apart from the embarrassment. I smiled to myself as I walked to my tutor room, filled with energy to start the day. I had forgotten all about the weird feeling I’d had that morning. But I shouldn’t have.

After maths, I was the first girl in W.N. Oats, the High School gym, just as I always was. I was already in my sports uniform, so there was no need to change, which was why I was first. As I walked in, my teachers Colin Bellamy and Agatha Hardy (we had a double class) chucked around five basketballs from the storeroom into one half of the gym. I sprinted over to them and tested all the balls, seeing which one was bouncier. When I had found the best one, I began to shoot.

I had been scoring goals for around two minutes when Rae came into the gym. She trotted over to me while tying her braids up, and then gestured for me to give it to her. I passed her the basketball and from then we started taking turns in shooting.

A while later, I heard some chattering and a distant laugh coming from the door. I could immediately tell who it was. Jonquil and her friends Elodie Archer, Gianna Foley, Bridget Godfrey and Kara Dustinson. They were just so loud.

Suddenly, a loud beeping noise came from the wall. The time for play was over and now it was time for roll call. Because there were two classes in my P.E. class, Agatha, the other class’s teacher, did their roll call, and then Colin started to do ours.

“Jacques Aguillon.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Charlie Blackburn.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Edie Buckner.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Wyatt Cadbury.” Dead.

“Yeh!”

“Sabrina Chapman.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Henry Cheng.” Dead.

“Yes!”

“August Cooper.” Dead.

“Yep!”

“Tomas Denton.” Dead.

“Yes!”

“Kara Dustinson.” Dead.

“Yep!”

“Mitchell Evans.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Jonquil Feroz.” Survived.

“Yeah!” she said loudly.

“Indigo Freudemann.” Survived.

“Yeah!” I said.

“Bella Grant.” Dead.

“Yup!”

“Dean Harrison.” Dead.

“Yes!”

“Leticia Harvey.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“John McLachlan.” Dead.

“Yasss!”

“John Millington.” Dead.

“Yep!”

“Timothy Morgan.” Dead.

“Y-Yes!”

“Rae Nielsen.” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Marcus Revere,” Dead.

“Yeah!”

“Roger Save.” Dead.

“Yup!”

“Laurence Smith.” Dead.

“It’s Larry, but yeah!”

“Kathy Walton.” Dead.

“Yup!”

“Ritchie Webber.” Dead.

“Yah!”

“And Anthony Wong.” Dead.

“Yus!”

“Okay, everyone! First, we’re going to do a warm-up game. Everyone knows twos and threes, yeah?” Colin shouted. I shivered involuntarily; a random chill had run down my spine.

Everyone yelled, “Yeah!”

But then there was a thump on the closed gym door and Agatha said, “Wait, everyone, just talk amongst yourselves for a minute! Gianna, can you get the door?”

“Yeah, sure,” Gianna answered, and paced over to the door.

Everyone else was now chatting and laughing. I still could see Gianna at the door just about to open it to the dark shadow behind. No one else was taking notice, but I thought there was something strange about the person. Then I realised. The person hadn’t knocked. They had just bumped against it and Agatha had mistaken it for a knock.

Suddenly I remembered the weird feeling from this morning and I jumped up while running towards her and I shouted out, “No! Don’t open it, Gianna!”

But it was too late. She had already opened it, and I watched, metres away as the shell unhinged its rotting jaw, and sunk its teeth into her neck.

Of course, people had noticed that I’d shouted and run towards her, but they did not yet realise that she was dead, or at least dying.

They were slowly turning their heads as I ran over to catch Gianna, as she was falling. I shoved the shell that had bitten her forcefully out of the gym and slammed the door, locking it. Then I picked up the girl, who was barely alive, and carried her over to her friends and the rest of the class. They were silent. They must’ve first thought it was a joke or a prank or something. But now they were in shock and didn’t know what to believe. I looked at Rae and said, “That’s why I always looked up there.” She looked back at me, speechless.

I swore under my breath, giddy, “Fuck,” Then I said solemnly to Gianna’s friends something they would’ve never forgotten (if they were still alive), “Do you want to say goodbye?”

“Um, what the fuck… What the hell are you talking about? Indigo, this is a joke, right?” Jonquil said with a raised voice, “What the fuck just happened?!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see someone’s phone, recording the whole thing. I held up a finger to Jonquil while I said quietly to her, “Just a moment, Jonquil,” then I spoke louder to Leticia, whose phone was the one I’d seen, “Leticia, instead of recording your friend dying, you could be doing something useful like contacting your friends, who actually might be in the same situation as us. Chances are, that video will not make it out that door,” I said, pointing to the locked gym door.

I turned back to Jonquil. “I said, ‘do you want to say goodbye?’. She’s dying, you guys,” I murmured gently. The room was now deathly silent, and Gianna fought for oxygen as I lay her on the cold ground and drew in a rattling breath, blood trickling out of her mouth and gurgling. They were all too frightened to speak, and almost so was I. Planning for it was different than seeing people die and thinking you could be next.

“J-Jonquil… Bridget, Kara,” Gianna gasped, “Elodie…”

Gianna moved her hands across the gym floor and pulled Jonquil, Bridget’s and Kara’s hands on top of Elodie’s and squeezed them all tightly with the last of her strength. Then she spoke. So quiet were the words, that I struggled to hear them, but they stayed with me until the end of my days. They were the words of the first person that I couldn’t save.

“You-you’re my best f- friends... I- I don’t want to die. Don’t let me die,” Gianna gave a scared cough, blood now lining the corners of her mouth, “And you?” She had turned her attention to me, “Thanks for trying, trying to s-save me.”

Even though I did not know her well, I still had seen throughout my classes for over a year, and through that time, I realised that she was a good person. She always smiled at me, and I’m pretty sure at one point she was Jonquil’s spy.

So, I said, “You’re a nice person. You make your friends happy. Why would I not want to?”

She smiled at me, then squeezed her friends’ hands once more, turning to face them. I glanced up at Jonquil, Bridget, Kara and Elodie. All were not bothering to control their emotions. Their faces were wet with tears and I could see that they were scared, truly.

“Tell Richie I love her,” Gianna choked, “I love her…”

Then Gianna’s chest fell for the last time as the last of her life drained away. It was then that I realised that my hands were slicked in her blood and I wiped my hands on my already bloody shirt and reached over to close her eyes. It was only at the last moments of her life that I’d seen. She had had sea-green eyes. Like me. Then I got up and turned away, not wanting to look at the body more than I had to.

But the students were just sitting with expressions of terror and nobody knew what to do. Then Colin stood up and said in an angry tone, “Indigo, what the hell just happened?! What’s going on?”

I sighed hollowly, “Can I speak for like, a couple of minutes? I’ll explain it. Well, at least I’ll try. I don’t know.”

Colin nodded, but then he flinched. A scarlet river of Gianna’s blood had met his shoe and made a dark red patch on the canvas, “I’m going- going to get a cloth.”

He started to move towards the door, but I pushed him back and hissed, “Are you fucking crazy?! You can’t go out there!”

“Indigo!” he growled, “Speak again and I’ll send you to the office!”

I laughed in disbelief, “Do you think I give a fuck?! If you open that door, not only will you die, but everyone in this room will, you nutjob! Sit down!”

He looked startled, “Stay behind after class and I’ll be calling your parents when the bell goes!”

“Oh, my fucking god!” I yelled at him, “A girl just fucking died in your class! A person just ripped Gianna’s neck open! Did you not see that?!”

Agatha suddenly began sobbing, “It’s my fault! I sent her!”

“What the fuck is going on!” Edie Buckner started to panic, causing more in others.

I looked at her and gulped, “The z of Gen Z. The apocalypse.”

Suddenly, there was chaos in the gym. People were screaming and running everywhere. I tried to see Gianna’s body, but it wasn’t there and suddenly I knew what had happened. Why was I such an idiot?!

Well, I guess I can’t be blamed that much. Since they thought she was already dead, what would they do if I stabbed her in the head with a pair of scissors? Yeah, that would have not been cool. I pushed myself through the screaming crowds of my classmates and found an undead Gianna, tearing apart a screaming Elodie Archer as Jonquil, who was extremely panicked, was running unknowingly into a crowd of people near the door, and I knew that wasn’t safe. The least I could do was try and save her. I quickly ran past the reanimated dead girl as the guts of Elodie Archer would keep her occupied for a while. I grabbed Jonquil by the shoulder and forcefully swung her around. An unknown reflex caused her to punch me directly in the face and for a moment I saw stars. But then I came to my senses and shouted at Jonquil over the din, “Jonquil! Listen to me! Go and climb up that wooden exercise ladder and stay there while I round up others! Do you understand me?!”

A massive grinding noise was heard as a horde of the undead, forty strong at least broke through the locked door.

“Do you understand, Jonquil?!” I yelled more forcefully and urgently.

She fiercely nodded and raced over to the ladders and began to climb. She would be safe up there. Then I rounded up as many girls and boys as I could. Sabrina Chapman, Leticia Harvey, Scarlett Wilson, Maude Cotton, Edie Buckner, Rae Nielsen, Kathy Walton, Elizabeth Jung. Jacques Aguillon, Zachariah Tyrrell, Roger Cameron, Aarav Sahadev, Ritchie Webber. I watched as the ladder swayed with the weight of the multiple Year Eights. I saw Maddie Whitfield desperately trying to dodge the undead students, and I sprinted over to her and kicked a dead boy away from behind her. He fell with a smack on the ground and Maddie recognised me, pleading to help her. I already knew she was incapable by the look on her face, but then the dead boy I had kicked over grabbed her ankle and she fell, spraining it. She cried out in pain and I stabbed the boy in the head with my scissors, blood spurting everywhere. I had to gasp when I realised that the undead boy I’d just killed was from my tutor. His name was Lukas. I dragged Maddie’s arm onto my left shoulder, and she clung on. She wasn’t the lightest of the bunch. I climbed up the ladder with her still holding on to my shoulder and knew that I could not go back to save anymore. There was at least fifty undead and I watched helplessly as my classmates were torn apart, their guts flying, their blood spraying the walls.

“Can you climb?” I asked Maddie. She nodded and got off my shoulder.

And from then I knew that I had to lead everyone out. I had planned the escape route many times, over many lessons. Rae often asked me why I was staring up there. So, I had the plan in my head. Above the wooden ladders, there was about one metre of brick with holes in the front, which could act as footholds and handholds. Above that there were windows. But covering the windows were fences made out of wire. Those would be hard to get off. I wondered if I had anything in my pockets to unscrew the screws. Surprise, surprise. There was the multitool with a blade. So, I twisted open the cover and got the sharp blade. Then I spoke to the students that had escaped the shells.

“Everyone!” I shouted to get their attention, “We need to escape from here because if we stay, we’ll all be killed by the shells. Is everyone ready to go?”

No one moved. Perhaps they wished they were dead. I know some of them did. Maddie’s twin sister was likely dead and most of her friends were. Jonquil’s friends were dead. My friends could be dead. Probably were.

“Listen to me! I know how we can live! I have a place to stay, gardens, we have to survive! Now you may not want to live right now, but I do! Okay, that’s a lie, but still, so you need to get your shit together! Move!” I yelled in frustration.

I reckon they were a bit stunned at that. I was usually the quiet one. But then Maddie spoke.

“Indigo could have left me. I was about to be killed by a boy. A dead boy. She could have just left me, and no one would have blamed her. But she saved me. She kicked the boy away, and when he grabbed my ankle and sprained it, she killed him and picked me up, held onto my shoulder. She could have died doing that. But it’s because of her that I’m, like, alive. We should trust her. I mean, she’s the reason y’all are up here and not down there, right?”

Maddie was always right, everyone always listened to her. The survivors had started to murmur when Edie said, “What do we do now?”

This was echoed by many others. So, I told them about the plan. Climb up the bricks. Get on the ledge. I’ll unscrew the fences. The windows were open, and they didn’t drop straight down, there was another roof next to it. So, we would climb out of them and check the classrooms for survivors. Now, this seemed easy to me, but some of the students were frowning and grimacing. I told them we had to do it. So, we did. Necessities, people.

I grabbed the first bricks and slipped slightly from the blood on my hands. This time it was Lukas’ blood. So, I wiped my hands on my already bloody shirt, trying not to remember the fun times in tutor where Lukas had made me and the group laugh. But there wasn’t any time to think about the dead.

There were a couple of slips on the way up, but everyone managed to get up there safely. I held the sharp blade in my hand, and I fitted it into the first screw. It was very hard to twist. It was never meant to be unscrewed. But I got it off and thought, suck on that, builders! Then I remembered that the builders were probably dead, so I just went on unscrewing the screws. On the last screw, I cut myself badly, my blood adding to the dried stuff already on my hands. I pulled off the fencing and threw it down on top of the raging feast. Everyone climbed through, and I was about to when I heard shouting. On the other set of wooden ladders, there was a boy. I couldn’t see who it was properly, but then I looked closely and saw it was Henry Cheng. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left him. What if I’d been in that situation?

I leaned out of the window and I called out to everyone, “Everyone! Henry is on the other set of bars! I’m going back to get him! Please stay here and wait for me! You’ll know if I’m dead! But I assure you I won’t be!”

I heard a few whimpers as I went and knew they must see people that they once knew. I ignored this and climbed down the bars just far enough to grab a small dead girl, with half her face missing and showing bone, by the collar of her dress and pulled her up. I shoved the scissor blades up the base of her skull, killing her for the second time.

Then I slung her over my back. Sure enough, it worked. The undead didn’t even notice me. But Henry did. He was silent, thinking that if he made a noise, the now silent bloodbath would cease and the undead would try to get him. I made my way over to him, carefully and swiftly. Then I speed-climbed up the bars and whispered to Henry, “Henry, you need to cover yourself in this. It will disguise you from them. They won’t even notice.”

He looked disgusted and scared, but I gave him a stern look and he did it. We stealthily climbed down the bars. As we tiptoed to the first set of bars, I noticed more people that I knew. Patty Landon, Sofie Malaya, Sabrina Rafferty, Danny Atkinson-Lloyd, Katya Whitfield (Maddie’s twin sister), Alex Bouchard, Amy Greene, Zavier Mikal, Mimi Feroz (Jonquil’s elder sister), Chloe Sunglass… The list was endless. So many friends, people that I knew. All dead.

We were about to climb up the ladder when Henry spotted a dead girl who had been very close to him. His twin sister, Ada Cheng. He went to grab her, but I snatched his arm back saying, “She is dead, Henry! Ada is dead! That’s not her!”

But undead Ada had noticed the sudden movement and loud noise. She turned around and started to groan and stumble towards us. Henry broke my grasp and ran up to her shouting, “Ada! Ada!”

I startled and desperately shouted, “Henry, no! It’s not her! She’s dead!”

“It is her!” Henry shouted defiantly, all the while more shells started to notice us, “She’s not dead!”

I knew that he would not leave without Lin, so I had to make a hard decision.

“Henry! If you don’t come now, you’ll die! I have to live! The others need me!” I said urgently, backing away from the circle that was now enclosing him. He was looking frantic, as Ada grasped his shoulder with cold, dead hands. Henry looked at her straight in the opaque eyes and realised, but too late. She was dead. He tried to push her away, but he was now enclosed in a tight circle of shells. I knew I wouldn’t be able to save him, so I backed quietly away as the dead were concentrated on a frantic Henry. The sounds of his screams and yells were quickly diminished as Ada sunk her teeth into his throat and the other dead students ripped his torso open. I climbed up the ladder and out the window, not even knowing what I felt inside. I shut my emotions down for that part of the day. Henry was another person who I couldn’t save. Dead.

I was now on the roof of the next building, looking at those whom I had saved. They did not yet realise I was back, and some girls were quietly discussing whether they should leave without me since I ‘wasn’t back yet’. I heard Leticia say, “Guys, we heard the screams. She’s dead. We should go, Indigo and Henry are dead.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I’m pretty sure I survived. Besides, where would you go?” I said bleakly.

Everyone gasped and Scarlett turned her head around and burst out, “Indigo! Are you okay? Is Henry okay? Oh my god, have you been bitten?!”

I guess I was a gruesome sight, Henry’s blood and guts splattered on my lower half, a little dishevelled and messy from the climbs and watching people that I knew die. I gulped as I knew I’d have to tell them about Henry’s death. But we had to move and check the buildings for survivors.

“No, I haven’t been bitten. This is from…” I inhaled a rattly breath, “Henry … didn’t make it… I did get him down from there safely and he was disguised, but just when we were about to climb up our escape route, he saw Ada. He couldn’t leave her. She killed him. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him…”

There was a stunned silence, then Kathy spoke up.

“I guess we should move then… We don’t want to be stuck on this roof forever… Indigo, do you have any ideas?”

I did.

“Uh… Yes, yes, I do. Okay, guys, we are going to check the rest of the school. I’m almost certain that there will be other survivors because I doubt everyone was completely oblivious to this. I know that my friends and I have discussed the theory of an apocalypse before, and Emilia and I have both packed survival bags, with everything we need to survive,” I instructed, trying to ignore the swelling in my throat from repressed tears and fears, “Get ready to move.”

So, everyone started to get up, some hanging behind and some pretending to be brave, but I knew I had to go first so that if anyone was to die, it would be me. I noticed that Jonquil was striding forward, obviously having the urge to get as far away from the gym as possible.

“Okay, everyone! I am going to stay at the back until we’re all over the fence, and then I’ll be at the front,” I told them, but I heard a few objections so I said, “I am going first whether you like it or not, because I can’t see anyone else die and it be my fault!”

Then Roger (a douchebag) said in an annoying tone, “So who made you the leader, Indigo? We should be able to decide who’s our leader! I say we should have a vote, who agrees?”

“Are you fucking serious? Literal zombies are eating your friends and this is what concerns you?! Sure, I agree, that’s fair, though I didn’t say I was the leader,” I said in an incredulous tone, “so who would be the leader then? You?”

“Of course, me! I’m a better choice than you!” Roger said pointing his nose up with an air of self-importance.

“Bruh, do you even know anything about what’s happening?” I turned to face the group with an expression of incredulity and disbelief and said, “Well, I guess it’s a vote then! So, you can vote for Monsieur Douchebag, who knows nothing about the undead, doesn’t know how to hunt and doesn’t know how to forage, and is a self-important dickhead who blames accidents on other people and has anger issues. Or, you can side with me, who knew this was going to happen, been desensitized by watching countless horror/zombie movies, knows how to hunt and forage, saved you all, planned how to escape and has a survival pack with everything needed. So, who’s it gonna be?”

“Well, actually, that’s not fair!” Roger said in a snarky, snooty voice, “I’m way fitter than Indigo and she’s fat and she’s not strong at all. She let Gianna die and Henry too, and on Surf Day she hit me really hard on the head-”

I cut in here because it was absolute bullshit and said in a sarcastic tone, “Aw, does wittle cishet white boy want a Band-Aid?”

Roger whined, “Shut up! Anyway, you didn’t do anything to help us. We could have made it out fine if it weren’t for you. You made Gianna and Henry die.”

“You fucking coward!” someone shouted, “What did you do when Gianna was bitten?! How did you help, at all?! Indigo saved us all and she saved your life too. I think this has shown me what an arrogant shithead you are!” Jonquil stepped forward and shoved Roger to the ground. Then she declared, “I think Indigo will be better than you, whatever you do! I side with her!”

“And also,” Maddie pointed out, “she basically carried me up the ladder, so I wouldn’t say she’s not strong.”

I smiled, but then I had to stop myself from falling to the ground, as my knees suddenly became very weak. I swallowed again to stop myself from crying. I’m not a strong person, mentally, at least. I can’t handle a lot of situations without just running away or crying. But back then I couldn’t tell anyone or they would see me for the weak person I was. I composed myself, “Look, Roger, I’m sorry about everything that’s happened to you, to all of us. But you can’t hate everyone because they’re trying to find the best way to survive. And the best way to survive is to choose someone as a leader who knows how this works. You can’t expect us to make someone a leader who doesn’t know what they’re dealing with.”

He still looked embarrassed and uncomfortable, so I patted him on the back and walked off. Nobody knew what to do so I told them just to talk while I figured out what to do.

We were still on the roof when I realised there were still people who were alive, running in the streets and screaming. God, the world had already started to go to shit. Many of the survivors were looking so frantic and I clenched my teeth together as I gestured to the shells stumbling up the stairs. I commanded, “Everyone! The shells are coming and if we don’t leave, we might as well be dead too.”

I remembered that Emilia and Tsubame had Foods in H113, and Tamara and Gemma Morton had Digi-Tech in H215, both in Hobart Block. They would’ve known what to do, get out with everyone they could and get to the roof. I decided that we would split up into three groups and search the main blocks of the school. North Block, Art Block, East Block, Hobart Block, Technology Block and South Block (South Block, Art Block and Hobart Block were connected). Any more and we would be too sparse to communicate with each other.

“Listen up everyone! I need you to divide into three groups! We are going to search the buildings for other survivors! Each group elect a temporary leader that I can assign a block to! Comprende? That means ‘do you understand?’ in Italian.”

They sorted themselves into three groups. Group 1 (Jonquil, Edie, Leticia, Maude Cotton, Kathy) would explore North Block, Group 2 (Me, Maddie, Sabrina, Scarlett, Rae) would explore South Block, Art Block and Hobart Block, and Group Three (Roger, Aarav, Jacques, Zachariah) would explore East Block and Technology Block.

“Everyone!” I said, “When the bell for the end of recess (eleven o’clock) goes, meet back here with the people you find. This is going to sound selfish but make our grade the priority. If you hear people inside a classroom, listen to hear whether any of them are bitten and if any of them are Year Nines. If you see people that are dead that you have known, don’t attempt to communicate with them. Please, under any circumstances, don’t try to make your way through big crowds of shells. They’ll kill you. Okay. Let’s go.”

Group 3 circled the back of North Block to East Block, while Group 1 began to slink towards the doors of North Block, but as she was starting to climb, I reached out and took Jonquil’s hand in my own. Then I said to her quietly, “Jonquil, I, um, I know that you’re probably really scared right now, but aside from that, are you okay? I can’t tell you that I know how you feel, because I- I don’t, but I’m so, so sorry. That this had to happen to you. If there’s anything you need, any- anything at all, please tell me.”

She avoided eye contact for the duration, then she looked at me, with those warm, brown eyes and my chest tightened as it always did when she looked at me. She whispered hoarsely because she was losing her voice from screaming so much, “I’m sorry I hit you… It was an accident…”

“Hey, it’s okay, Jonquil, it was only a reflex. I mean, it fucking hurt, but I’m fine now. You’re very strong,” I smiled. I awkwardly patted her on the shoulder.

She looked at me funnily, as if trying to decide if I was being weird or nice. She nodded and I let go of her hand, looking concerned. As she walked away, I saw her smile as she brushed away her tears, and I wondered. I decided I may as well hurry up and climb over, so once she had jumped over, I began to ascend the thin fencing.

I manoeuvred around all of the dead, stabbing them in the back of the head as I passed them. Which there weren’t much of as many were gathered inside, feasting. Gorged-out corpses littered the pavement, their insides spilled onto the bricks and leaking blood in dark pools, streaming down the stairs in scarlet icicles. “Oh my god...” I heard Kathy say, “What is happening?!” I ignored her as I stepped over the carcass of a tiny Year 7 that I did not know the name of. That made my heart clench. The fact that so many people were dying nameless. That no one would know who they were, an insignificant student, a regular worker at their job, an elderly grandparent who everyone loved. All would die with no one to remember who they might have been, just unknown people in the tiny island state of Tasmania.

We entered South Block through the glass sliding door and were immediately confronted by a horrifying sight. Blood spattered on the walls, ceilings, benches. Carpet soaked with the crimson blood of countless students and teachers. Bloody footprints scraped across the laminate. A crowd of dead high-schoolers were in the centre of the corridor. There were about 16 or so of them. But I only had two small weapons. I turned around and said to Sabrina, “Sabrina, take these scissors. If you can, stab them in the base of the neck, up towards the brain. They don’t die unless you destroy the brain.”

She looked at me in bewilderment and responded, “Why me? I don’t know how to kill people!”

I explained that she was the fittest and the best runner, and that’s why I chose her. She reluctantly agreed and we stalked over to them. I drew my pocket knife back out of the pocket of my blood-soaked softshell and held it in a suspenseful grasp. A shell who had been in Year 11 who I knew only by sight turned around, its eyes blank and sightless. It stumbled towards me and I stepped sideways as it reached out with limp arms but lost its balance when I darted out of its reach. It fell and as it let out a distorted moan, I cut into the back of its head, disabling the body and then cut the whole thing away. The head growled in anger. I picked it up carefully by the hair and yelled, “Shut the fuck up!” as I threw it down the stairs to the South Block toilets.

I disabled most of the others, as Sabrina was having trouble killing them, but I encouraged her by telling her that if she wanted to live, she’d have to do a lot more. She finally plunged the double blades into the eye socket of a Year 10. She looked at me when she slid the scissors back out. She was shaking. “I just killed a person. I just killed a person!” she trembled.

“No, you didn’t,” I said sadly, “You prevented more people from dying from killing the thing that would’ve done it. I know, it’s- it’s really bad, and we’re so young, too young, but I think it’s what we’ll have to do from now on.”

I heard the moans of another approaching horde, so I was about to bring my group into Hobart Block quickly, but then I heard a thump on the roof and a faint, “Fuck!” and then someone else whose voice I recognised say, “Shh! They can still hear us you know!”

“McElroy!” I whispered, surprised that she had chosen to remain there for that long, but I was shaking in relief that she did, “Everyone!” I turned back to my group as the undead were scraping closer, “Get up to S301 and get out the window next to the lockers onto the roof! There are people up there! I think they’re from the Year 8 Foods class!”

We tried to run up the stairs, and most of them made it in a quick time, but Maddie was having trouble. Shit, I thought she might’ve broken her ankle. I was ahead of her, but I stopped when I realised the undead were closing in on her. I raced back down and put my arm underneath her arm and struggled but succeeded to help her up the stairs. The shells were slowly climbing behind us, but they fell behind as many of them kept tripping. When we got to the top, I made sure Maddie got in first then I came in the door after her, quickly locking it behind me. I heard the moans and gurgles of the shells. They were going to break through soon, so I climbed out the window first and was met by the sight of many people I knew, perched between the roofs. Tamara and Emilia were there, as was Tsubame, Salem, Gemma, Polly Kozhakov, Maera Betje, Jocelyn Whitaker, Matilda Summers, Xavier, Gabriel Olson, Otto Ellington and Dean Tucker. Jonquil would have some type of joy when she realised all her friends weren’t dead, as Gabrielle Atkinson-Lloyd and Lydia Reyes were in the group as well, and she was friends with Maera, Matilda and Jocelyn, and knew Polly from hockey.

“Indigo!” Emilia yelled out when she saw us.

“Emilia!” I called back, clambering clumsily towards her and the rest of her group.

“Elodie?!” Gabrielle screeched, hoping to see Elodie Archer, but she lost her hopeful look when she saw me, “Oh, Indigo, not Elodie. Wait, Indigo did she…?”

I shook my head sadly, “She got… killed by Gianna.”

“Gianna?!” she said pleadingly, “She’s dead too?!”

I bit my bottom lip, stopping it from wobbling. After I gulped to keep down the terror threatening to swallow me, I said, “She asked me to tell Emilia, Richardson that is, that she loves her.”

There was a silence filled only by the shuffling of the rest of Emilia’s group moving to where we were, to listen to our side of the story.

“Well, technically she asked all of you,” Maddie piped up.

“Who’s all of you?” Lydia asked tentatively.

I thought, “Um, well, it was supposed to be Kara, Elodie, Bridget and Jonquil-”

“They’re all dead, aren’t they?” Jocelyn’s face looked blank, but she gave herself away by her body trembling, maybe from the cold, as she was wearing sports shorts and the school sports shirt, but it was more because she was crying on the inside.

“Jonquil’s alive,” my heart skipped a beat at those words.

Jonquil’s alive.

Thank god.

“But she’s not the only one; there are two other groups this size in North Block, and in East Block too, to find other people.”

“Are they all our grade?” Dean leaned in.

“Oh, um, yeah, I told them to make our grade their target as well,” I said, “I know, it kinda seems selfish but, well, I think we’d be better off.”

“Who are in those groups, then?” Tsubame interjected apprehensively. She didn’t like most people.

I managed to remember all of the people that had gone, “Kathy, Cottie, Edie Buckner, Leticia, Jonquil, Roger Cameron, Jacques and Zachariah.”

“Ugh!” Tsubame gagged theatrically under her breath, “Why would you save Edie, Leticia and Jonquil?!”

I’d forgotten. Tsubame disliked Jonquil a lot. That was one of the reasons I kept it hidden for so long. I had no idea then why, but Tsubame seemed disappointed that I’d saved so many.

I ignored her, “Guys, we’ve got to move. I told the others we’d be around by the end of recess, well, the end of recess bell.”

“Indigo?” Alastair asked, “Can we get our stuff from our tutors?”

I said in a Barbie-like voice, “Do you want to die?”

His eyes widened.

I shut my eyes tightly, grimacing, “Sorry, too soon. And no, if you don’t want to die, don’t get your stuff. Your life’s more important than your mango-flavoured vape, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

No one laughed. Not even Emilia, who always laughed.

Sometimes you just need to shut the hell up, idiot, you’re not funny.

“Let’s go guys.”

I bet Jonquil would’ve laughed. She has the same sense of humour as you do.

I pushed my stupid thoughts away. Not dying now, being humorous when we’re safe and when everyone’s not terrified.

As we climbed across the rooftop, I said to my friends, who were the closest, “Oh, jeez guys, didn’t think it’d be today, did you?”

Emilia replied first, “Oh hell no, the first one we saw was Carly. She bumped into the door and Martha thought it was a student knocking, so she went to open it, and Carly just ate her face. Most of the people in the class panicked, but me, Tsubame and Dean T were able to grab some of ‘em and get up to the roof relatively smoothly.”

Tsubame huffed and climbed over to talk to Maddie. I turned to Emilia, “What’s her problem?”

“She didn’t want to bring people, she said we would be better by ourselves,” Salem sighed, “She’s been complaining to us so much that they will just be draining our resources.”

“Mm,” I considered, “She’ll get used to it.”

Then I turned my attention to Tamara, who hadn’t said a word. “Tamara, you cool?”

She didn’t reply for a moment, but then she said slowly and deliberately, “I guess I owe you ten dollars, don’t I?”

“What?” I was confused.

“Remember we bet on it?” Tamara repeated, “You said if it happened then I had to give you ten dollars.”

“Tamara!” I scoffed in disbelief, “You don’t have to give me ten dollars!” I reached over and hugged her.

Emilia sighed, “Phooey, guys. We have more important things to worry about. Like how we are gonna get off this bloody roof.”

“I know how,” I said. As the window that we’d climbed through was a window I’d stared through very often from my English class, I’d been able to see across the rooftop. Surprisingly, and unlike most roofs, the roof of the combined South Block, Hobart Block and Art Block were relatively flat. You could see, from through the window, that over on the side of the Hobart Block entrance, there was a ladder that reached down to a door-less balcony. Although, it did have a window.

“See that?” I pointed, “We climb down that.”

“But where are we going?” Tsubame joined back into the conversation.

“Top courts. That’s where we’re meeting. You know, with everyone else.”

“I wonder if your other people found anyone?” Tsubame mused.

“They’re not mine, I just helped them.”

“Bro. They would’ve died if you hadn’t told them what to do,” Tamara said.

I thought about it, “I doubt every single person would have died had I not been there.”

Emilia grinned, “Did you argue about who’ll lead?”

“… yes.” I blushed.

“And did they choose you?”

“Ah, damn it. Yeah, they did.”

“So, you are their leader, and ours,” Emilia stated.

“Cringe,” I breathed out loudly, “But I don’t know how to lead! I’m just a ranga!”

“A ranga who knew this was going to happen,” Maddie shuffled over, “Besides, when did hair colour matter?”

“I don’t know!” I exasperated, “People just have something against them!”

“Well, you’ll be thankful for being a ranga soon,” Tsubame said.

“Pff- what?” I laughed.

“Never mind, lol.”

Tamara facepalmed, “Tsubame, lol is just for texts! You’re such a dinkle!”

“Well, you’re a bogan!” Tsubame retorted. And so, began the procession…

“Your face is a bogan!” said Tamara

“Your mum’s a bogan!” Emilia raised her eyebrows pretentiously.

“Your nan’s a bogan!” Tsubame said.

“Your dog’s a bogan!” Salem said.

“You’re the dog, bitch!” Tamara hissed.

“Lasagne!” I wheezed.

Then we all shouted, “T-Series ain’t nothin’ but a bitch lasagne!”

Then I realised there was a zombie apocalypse going on again and whispered fiercely, “Guys, shut up!”

“And I oop-” Gemma said from over the ridge.

I called all the others to attention and told them what we were going to do. We delicately scrambled across the roof, taking care to avoid the ten-foot drop of either end and all met up around the ladder. There was a massive circle of shells crowded beneath the balcony, almost a hundred at least. Our school (just the high school, as the Friends’ primary school, was over an overpass) had at least five hundred. The student shells would begin to spread out into the city soon.

There’s this book that I used to read a lot. It was by the same guy who wrote World War Z, Max Brooks. It’s called the Zombie Survival Guide. It has a few paragraphs that describe the situation that Tassie was presented with.

[“-in which humanity is driven to the brink of extinction. Improbable? Yes. Impossible? No. Governments of any type are nothing more than a collection of human beings- human beings as fearful, short-sighted, arrogant, close-minded, and generally incompetent as the rest of us. Why would they be willing to recognise and deal with an attack of walking, blood-thirsty corpses when most of humanity isn’t? Of course, one could argue that logic such as this might stand up in the face of a Class 1 or even Class 2 outbreak, but the threat posed by even a few hundred zombies would surely be enough to galvanise our leaders into action. How could they not? How could those in power, especially in such a modern, enlightened age as ours, ignore the spread of a deadly disease until it reached plague proportions? Just look at the governments’ response to the AIDS epidemic, and you will have your answer.

But what if the authorities did recognise the threat for what it is- and were unable to control it? Massive economic recession, world war, civil unrest, or natural disasters could easily distract government resources from a rapidly growing outbreak. Even in perfect conditions, containing anything larger than a Class 2 outbreak is extremely difficult. Imagine trying to quarantine a large city like Chicago or Los Angeles. Of the millions attempting to escape, how many of those would already be bitten, spreading the infection far beyond the quarantined area?

But wouldn’t the vast oceans that make up the majority of our planet save us? Wouldn’t those in Europe, Africa, Asia and Australia be safe from a festering outbreak in North America? Perhaps. This is assuming all borders are sealed, all air traffic has ceased, and every world government is aware of and working to stop the outbreak. Even so, with the undead ranks already in the tens of millions, is it possible to stop every aircraft with an infected passenger, every ship with an infected crewman? Is it possible to patrol every inch of coastline to watch for a waterborne ghoul? At this point, sadly, the answer is no. Time is on the side of the undead. With every day, their ranks will swell, making containment and extermination more and more difficult. Unlike its human counterparts, an army of zombies is completely independent of support. It will not require food, ammunition, or medical attention. It will not suffer from low morale, battle fatigue, or poor leadership. It will not succumb to panic, desertion, or out-and-out mutiny. Like the virus that gave it life, this undead force will continue to grow, spreading across the body of this planet until there is nothing left to devour.” Text Copyright ©️ Max Brooks, 2003]

So, yeah, that was how I viewed what was happening. We were pretty much fucked. Tasmania was pretty much fucked.

We were all crowded on the tiny balcony, not a spare square centimetre of space left. I tried to see if there was any other way to get down apart from breaking the window, but unfortunately, that was the only option. I made some of our number climb back up the ladder, and the remainder back away, as I used my foot to repeatedly hit the glass. It smashed loudly; pieces of glittering glass layered on the rotting wood of what we were standing on. I asked everyone if they knew where anyone else was, but no one did.

“I have my phone, though,” Salem said.

“Salem has a phone?!” Maera exclaimed.

“Yeah?” Salem said.

“Why didn’t you tell us?!” Tamara exclaimed.

“I forgot!” Salem protested, “Wait, I’ll open it.”

They pulled out her phone and pressed the home button, but the screen remained blank and dark. “That’s weird,” Salem muttered, “I charged it this morning.”

“Can I have it?” Maera stepped next to Salem, towering over her.

“Um, yeah sure,” Salem passed it to her, “I don’t think it’s gonna work, though.”

Maera held down the home button for ten seconds. Still nothing. “Surely it would at least show that apple thing to show that it’s out of charge?!”

“Well,” Tsubame took it from Maera, trying to open it, “I think your phone has crapped it, Salem.” She gave it back to Salem.

“Shit. That’s funky and not fun,” Salem looked at us, “Guys, we need to get moving.”

Everyone agreed.

“Okay, everyone!” I called, “Be careful, even though you all are wearing shoes, glass can still fuck your foot up pretty bad!”

My feet crunched as I carefully tiptoed, across the broken glass, into one of the Languages Department offices. Amazingly, there was no one in there, and we got down into Hobart Block before we saw any more shells. The common room, which was our direct passage to the Top Courts, had only a few shells. I would’ve guaranteed that every classroom still had a class, albeit most dead, so these would be those who had been out of their normal classes. I disabled the shells that were in there, not killing them because Sabrina still had my scissors, and my pocket knife was nowhere near large enough or strong enough to pierce a skull. We got up the stairs from the common room, but outside the door that led out into the entrance of W.N. Oats was a huge horde of shells. My classmates from P.E. were in that. I saw so many that I knew, and for a heartbeat, I thought I saw Jonquil, but it was only a Year 7, its skull showing through its bitten skin, an empty socket where its eye should have been.

I told my group to stay in the stairwell, while I took my scissors back from Sabrina and quickly stole that Jonquil-like shell from outside. I stabbed it up the base of its skull, killing it, then I told everyone to wait while I got another one. My plan was this: if we had two disguises, two people at a time could make their way through the horde, while one came back bringing back both the shell corpses, and that would be how we got there without letting anyone be taken.

I conferred this to the rest, but Otto pushed forward and said, “I don’t need anyone else.” Then he took the Jonquil-like shell (the other was a boy) from me and slung it over his back. He pushed me out of the way, shoving me against the wall, and pushed the door open. The shells didn’t notice him immediately. He was moving like they were, at least he seemed to figure that out. But they did notice him, and he didn’t see them start to face him with cloudy, grey eyes, didn’t see them closing in. I freaked out and tried to yell, “Otto, they’ve noticed!” but I was frozen.

Why did it work for me, and not him?

Our group saw one tall shell grab the shell that Otto had slung around his back, and it was tugging. Otto turned around and stared, terrified, at the shell tugging at the girl. He tried to hold on, but the shell’s strength had not yet defied it, and the girl came free. Otto was caught amid the swarm, frantically looking around him, looking for a gap, but the circle closed around him. It was too much like how Henry had died. I turned away, sickened, and I heard from behind me the screams of Otto, feasted upon by what was once his fellow schoolmates.

“…shit,” I mumbled, “We’ve gotta find another way.”

“Indigo, I have an idea,” Tsubame said, “A distraction, as it were.”

“Go on,” I nodded.

“Lure them out of school,” she said, “Capture their attention somehow.”

I gasped, “The bell! When the bell goes at eleven, they’ll follow it!”

“No,” she quickly said, “They won’t.

“What do you mean? Don’t they follow sound?” Emilia asked.

“I thought so too, but these don’t, I’ve tried,” Tsubame shrugged.

“Really?” I was puzzled. All the zombies in movies and stuff followed the sound. It was, like, their thing! I let out a deep breath, “Then what do we do?”

“We shouldn’t try and distract them, it might backfire and draw attention to us. We’ve got to get around them, like maybe around the outside,” Tsubame said.

“We could go around East Block, like up Carr Street?” Salem suggested.

I clicked my fingers into a finger gun at her, “That’s it! Good idea.”

“I knew I wasn’t mentally incapacitated,” Salem smiled, satisfied, but then the bell rang out loudly and ear piercingly. Then the smile dropped and he said, “We have to go now.”

“Yeah,” I inhaled sharply, “We have twenty minutes, though, that was only the first bell.”

We ran back through the common room and out the sliding glass door to the left. We passed through the Weetbix (a bench made of sandstone bricks), and ran up Carr Street, around the top intersection to the left. Jonquil would usually get picked up by her parents from there.

But as we turned to run down Wilson Street, another horde of shells appeared at the bottom of it. “Indigo!” Gabrielle screeched, grabbing my arm.

“I know, I know!” I said, thinking, “Fuck, fuck, fuck, what do we do?!” Then I remembered the Friends’ Health & Fitness.

“Guys, in there!” I ran through the small car park, through the sliding door and the building, everyone following behind me. I pushed open the back door, ran to the gate and let everyone through before I shut it and locked it. We were near to the top courts. When we ran across them to the fence, I saw that both groups were back, with many others from our grade accompanying them. We all hopped over the fence, and Gabrielle, Jocelyn, Matilda, Maera and Lydia raced over to where Jonquil was standing with Leticia, Edie Buckner, Rhea Michaelson, Emilia Richardson and Elizabeth. Rhea and Richardson were the only new ones I could see of her friends, and Gabrielle, Jocelyn and Lydia reached her, they had a massive group hug. I smiled a little. Jonquil’s not alone. She’s not going to have to cope alone.

Richardson looked distraughtly at Jonquil, “J Dog, where’s Gianna?!”

Jonquil began to cry, “Richie, I’m so sorry!”

“No!” Richardson started sobbing, “No!”

Jonquil, Gabrielle and Lydia all hugged her. I knew that Emilia Richardson and Gianna Foley were more than best friends.

I saw Jeannie, another of my friends, talking nervously to Lucy Sampson and Kathy. Emilia, Tsubame, Tamara, Gemma, Louis, Hayley, Salem and I ran over, and I made sure everyone was okay before I addressed the whole of the students saved. Added up, there were about fifty. It felt like way too many people. Where would I find all the food and supplies for all of them? Of course, we were bound to lose more along the way, but that was unsettling and terrifying in itself.

Here's a list of the people we found.

Jeannie Quincey  
Rhea Michaelson  
Lucy Sampson  
Leila Padilla  
Sam Chambers  
Sam Gilbert  
Hayley Greene  
Edie Norris  
Louis Chester  
Maude Reilly  
Sabrina Turner  
Emilia Richardson  
Andy Mendel  
Emilia McElroy  
Salem Rutherford  
Tsubame Hopkins  
Tamara Jones  
Gemma Morton  
Polly Kozhakov  
Maera Betje  
Lydia Reyes  
Xavier Rodriguez  
Gabrielle Atkinson-Lloyd  
Gabriel Olson  
Jocelyn Whitaker  
Matilda Summers  
James Webber  
Dean Tucker  
Indigo Freudemann  
Rae Nielsen  
Scarlett Wilson  
Sabrina Chapman  
Maude Cotton  
Kathy Walton  
Jonquil Feroz  
Leticia Harvey  
Edie Buckner  
Maddie Whitfield  
Elizabeth Jung  
Jacques Aguillon  
Roger Cameron  
Ritchie Webber  
Zachariah Tyrrell  
Aarav Sahadev

“Everyone!” I shouted, “Listen up, there’s a lot of you, so I need your attention! We need to get out of school as fast as we can! We are going to Emilia McElroy’s house because she has essential supplies then we’re getting the hell out of the city-!”

“Where are we going to go?” someone interrupted.

I frowned in the direction of the speaker, “I was just about to get to that. I’m sure not many of you know about it, but there is a co-housing community on Strickland Avenue, enough space for all of us. No more questions, okay? We have to go.”

Then Sam Chambers piped up from the back, “But what about weapons? Don’t we need to get weapons, so we don’t die?”

I hadn’t thought of that. “Oh, yeah! Who wants to come with me to T Block to get weapons? I think the Year Elevens were making knives or some shit, how convenient.”

Barely anyone put their hands up. They just wanted to get the hell out of there. The few who did quickly put their hands down as they realised no one else had. But McElroy stood up and shouted, perhaps a little rudely, “Well, I mean we don’t have to because it doesn’t matter to us if you die or not, we’re just trying to keep some people alive so we can live too! If you aren’t gonna help, you can try and survive by yourself!” she huffed.

“I’ll go.” Leila Padilla, the smallest Year 9, said. She was a very ideal person for this type of job. Small people are generally faster, lighter on their feet. They can fit through tight spaces and can evade pursuers.

“Noice!” I said, “Anyone else?”

“I will,” Jonquil said, striding forward. She came up and stood next to me. I tensed up again. As she volunteered, her friends followed. Gabrielle, then Lydia and Matilda. “Ok, I think we have enough now,” I smiled. There were seven of us.

“Hang on, what do we do then?” Tamara asked.

I thought for a moment. “Stay here. And… don’t die,” I advised.

***

“Look at all this shit!” Jonquil exclaimed, “Literally everything in this building is a weapon!”

She was very correct. The Technology Block was full of instruments dangerous to both zombies and humans. There were chisels, sharp files, screwdrivers, drills, even a piece of metal attached to a stick that looked like a sword. When I saw it, I muttered under my breath, grinning, “Woah! I’ll have a sword, thank you.”

“Bro!” Emilia called from downstairs. I power-walked over to the stairs and looked down, “Yeah?”

“Look,” she smirked.

I looked at her, dumbfounded, “Holy shit!”

She was standing in front of an open cupboard door, wearing an expression that you might wear after seeing your sibling getting severely told off, then your parents making you an example of perfect behaviour. Inside the cupboard lay a gigantic array of silver knives. “Woah!” I said as I raced down the stairs. I had never seen this before. Though I’d heard the Year 11s were making knives, I’d expected something like kitchen knives, not double-sided daggers!

I picked up a dagger, casting my ‘sword’ down, as this was far more superior. The blade about the length of my hand and studied it. “Holy shit!” I said again, “Em, this is Damascus steel!” (before you say anything, Valyrian steel is based on Damascus steel). The waves of light and dark carbon were like ripples on the Derwent River, and the handle was plain wood, rosewood by the looks of it, with an iron knob on the end. It was like a fantasy dagger from Lord of the Rings or something!

“What’s that?” she asked.

“It’s like the literal equivalent of Valyrian steel, except it isn’t as strong, but it’s stronger than stainless!” I exclaimed.

She shook her head in disbelief, “Why the actual hell would Friends’ allow these to be made here?! It’s a Quaker school, for god’s sake! There’s so many!”

I looked at all of them. Many were just plain steel, but there were other Damascus daggers too. I saw another of the one I had, and I thought to give it to Jonquil. “We gotta take ‘em all,” I said. Emilia nodded.

“Guys!” I called out, though not loud enough that anything outside of the block would hear, “Come here, guys!”

“What the fuck?!” Jonquil gasped.

Lydia’s jaw was hanging wide open. As was Gabrielle’s, though first, she squealed, “What?!” Matilda’s eyes widened and she ran forward, looking at the shining steel.

“Yeah…” I nodded.

“Jonquil!” I called, trying not to look at her friends because they knew as well. I ignored them, as Emilia was letting them take their pick of the knives, “I, um, I thought you might like this one. It’s Damascus steel.”

“In-day,” she said slyly, waggling her eyebrows in a very coy fashion, “You shouldn’t have!”

I smiled, suppressing a silent throat squeal. She never failed to make me do that when she talked to me. I walked back to Emilia and the others, Jonquil following close behind. Emilia had chosen plain steel, with a handle of bone and brass. There was, funnily enough, a small, engraved E on the bottom of the handle. Gabrielle had picked a long, thin dagger, dark coloured steel with a gold, twisting handle. Lydia, however, had favoured a rainbow titanium butterfly. A bit too shiny for good concealment, but sharp enough. Matilda had chosen a plain silver bowie knife, with a leather-covered steel handle. Leila chose a thick, sharp bronze coloured knife, though it was obvious that that was not its natural colour, with a yew handle. We were all set to go, and I packed the remaining knives into my schoolbag, as I did with some files, hand-axes and screwdrivers.

***

We’d handed out the weapons and everyone was okay with the one they got, though most were cautious, as they’d never handled a knife as a weapon before. I had, though not ever a proper one like this. It felt good in my hand, sure and steady.

We were set to go, but then I realised something. To get to Emilia’s house, it would be extremely out of the way of the route we would have to take to get to the Co-Op.

“Em,” I said to Emilia, “I don’t think we’re gonna be able to get to your house and then the Co-Op before dark, I don’t think we can go there today.”

“But…” she looked lost for words, “My family! Sandy, my mum and dad… Danny? Leave them there?” Danny (short for Daniel, which was short for Sir Daniel Squishalot McElroy III [even though he wasn’t the third]) was Emilia’s fat, black pug dog.

I gritted my teeth, “We have the lives of like fifty of us to care for, we can’t do this today. Most of them don’t even understand how bad this is!”

She wiped her eyes, “Okay. Okay. I’ll wait.”

“Emilia, I’m so sorry,” I really was. Her family was like my family, only together.

“I promise, we’ll go tomorrow. Do you trust me?” I asked.

She nodded.

“Then you know I’ll do what I say,” then I spoke to the group once more, “Okay, everyone, change of plan. We’re not going to Emilia’s house. We gotta get to a safe place as soon as we can so we don’t die.”

We exited the school out of the top courts and continued left down Commercial Road. Shells had gotten out, if only a little, so we stayed tightly packed. As we came out into Elizabeth Street, the place became oddly silent, devoid of life. Sensing something, I looked around warily, but there were no shells, nor any people. We walked past empty shops, the State Cinema, Vinnie’s, Commonwealth Bank… Nothing was in any of them. When we reached the intersection that had a roundabout, right in the middle of Elizabeth Street. A small road that branched off to the right was Newdegate Street. And coming down Newdegate Street was a gigantic horde of shells. I was dumbfounded. Surely the shells from our school had not spread this far, and killed so many people?

“Shit, what the fuck?! Everyone, down this road!” I hurriedly shouted, then I led the group down the little side-street known as Lefroy Street. Behind the first shop on the right, Nando’s, there was a large apartment building with stairs that led up to the second floor, then a hinged metal ladder that led to the roof. It was perfect. We all raced up the ladder, but when we got to the first floor the door above us crashed open as three shells came out, then four more. “Shit!” I yelled. I began kicking at the door of the first floor, “Come on, help me!” I said incredulously.

Emilia, Tamara, Salem and Tsubame began kicking it too. The shells were slow, but they were coming closer. The door finally gave way after a couple of seconds and crashed down. I made sure everyone was in before I looked back to see if I could take any of them. They were right behind me, and it seemed that there were even more than before. Let me remind you that this was happening in the space of two hours, more or less, and nearly the whole of North Hobart was turned! “Argh!” I panicked and kicked the closest one back in the others. The furthest one back fell over the side of the rail with a sickening crunch as it landed on the concrete car park. I slammed the broken door shut and ran back to my group, which was quickly moving through the apartment building’s hallway. I knew from coming here once to collect sponsors for Jump Rope for Heart that there was a stairwell to the left.

“Guys!” I called out, “To the left!” The crowd changed direction and we all began climbing the stairs, skipping two at a time in some cases. The stairwell was dimly lit and quite small so that only two of us could fit in a row. When we were halfway up, the first floor’s door banged open and shells began to fall through. “Run!” I practically screamed.

We ran as fast as we could and sprinted through the heavy door on the second floor. We ran through the carpeted hallway, to the balcony at the end. We wrenched open the sliding door and climbed frantically up the squeaky ladder.

“Fuck… Is everyone okay?” I yelled, standing awkwardly on the roof of the Renown, the local sweet shop. Higher up than the rest of them, I could see the streets and they were ravaged.

They all nodded. I scanned the sea of students. I frowned. For some reason, something seemed amiss and I couldn’t place my finger on it. I saw Lydia fighting to get to the front, a look of concern on her red face. “Indigo, I can’t find Matilda,” Lydia said to me.

My eyes widened. That was it. “Oh shit,” I said, “Fuck…”

I looked again at the crowd. Ritchie was craning his head, searching for his twin brother James through the survivors. Sam Chambers and Aarav were calling out for Andy, pushing their way through. The area that contained Rae, Edie Norris, and Maddie was quiet because Lucy and Leila were neither gossiping nor laughing. Edie Buckner, Leticia, Elizabeth were discussing frantically because Rhea had disappeared. Where Tamara, Tsubame and Emilia were, Salem was nowhere to be seen. It was like they’d evaporated. They were gone, not a trace left.

I gulped, “Lydia, I think Matilda didn’t make it. Come up here and look around.”

She stepped up beside me. She was small too, smaller than Jonquil. I watched her look over the group. She raised her hand to her face, “It’s more than Matilda…” she turned to face me, “Indigo, what are we going to do?!”

“Don’t tell anyone yet,” I pleaded, hating myself, “We have to get to the Co-Op before it’s overrun.”

She nodded, wiped tears from her eyes and stepped down to join Xavier. “Guys,” I said to everyone, “I think we’re gonna have to use a bit of parkour to get to the Co-Op. Not too much, but some. Will you be able?”

There was a multitude of yeses, but some people didn’t say anything. I gritted my teeth. There were some non-athletic people here. Including me. “Okay,” I did an awkward thumbs-up, “Let’s-a go-a.”

The first gap we came to was the intersection of Burnett Street and Elizabeth. It was more than a gap.

“How the hell are we going to get across that?!” Leticia asked.

“Hmm,” I said, “I have no idea. Y’all see any shells?”

“There’s a couple over there,” Zachariah pointed.

Louis came forward, “We can take them. Anyway, Indigo said that we only need to do a bit of parkour, so this can be non-parkour.”

“I did say that,” I agreed, “Okay, try not to break your legs.”

“There’s a ladder,” Edie Buckner crossed her arms.

“Oh, well, in that case, watch out for shells below,” I grinned awkwardly. When everyone turned away, I mentally slapped myself.

Don’t be an idiot, Indigo! If you want to survive, if you want all of them to survive, fucking think before you speak. You are not going to live if you don’t see everything before you say anything! Fuck!

“Okay,” I shook myself, “It’s not that big of a deal.” I came down the ladder, looking below at everyone else.

When I was down, we continued down Elizabeth Street. There were some alive people here, and they looked at us in horror. A man from the Kraken seafood place came out and yelled out, “Excuse me, are you guys okay?”

“Do we look fucking okay, dipshit?!” Jonquil shouted back

He walked up to her, “Hey, there’s no cause for you to use that language, young lady!”

“Go away,” Polly said to him. She towered over him and he looked so intimidated it was funny. He had been taller than Jonquil, but of course, Jonquil was small. Polly was another matter.

“Bye, chuck!” Jonquil said cheerfully to him, sticking up her middle fingers, “Make sure your face doesn’t get eaten off!”

“The fuck…?” the man pointed at her as we continued along, “Rude piece of shit!”

Jonquil turned to shout back at him, but I grabbed her arm, “No, Jonquil, don’t. He doesn’t know what happened!”

“Nearly all of my friends are fucking dead, Indigo!” she wrenched her arm away, “Fuck him!”

“Jonquil, you are being unfair!” I was about to break down. I didn’t want to argue with her, but she was pushing people away, “He is going to die! You already could tell!”

“Good! Let him die!” she began to cry, “I should be dead! Indigo, I should be!”

I was startled, “No! Jonquil, you should not be! It’s not your fault!”

Why do you think I saved you first?

“I’m sorry, Indigo!” she was crying a lot now, “I don’t know what’s happening! Why us? Why today?”

“I-” I gulped, “I don’t know. Jonquil, we’ll be okay, or at least not dead.”

She launched forward and hugged me. I stood wide-eyed, with my arms in the air.

What the fuck, what the fuck, why is Jonquil hugging me?!

“Um, it’s gonna be okay, Jonquil,” I put my arms around her.

Suddenly Tsubame appeared beside me and said, “Indigo, you’re falling behind. There’s time later for comforting… people.”

“Oh,” I released Jonquil, blushing slightly, but I made sure that neither Tsubame nor Jonquil could see, “Okay, I’m coming. Bye, Jonquil. I hope you feel better.”

She wiped her eyes, starting to smile, “Yeah, hisser, I’m all good now. I’ve got a legendary Indigo hug. Lucy told me they were, anyway.”

“Yeah, that’d be right,” I smiled. Lucy used to always snatch a hug from me at the table. It scared me.

“Indigo,” Tsubame poked me, “Come on.”

“Okie dokie,” I did a little throat-squeal as I turned away from Jonquil.

Tsubame frowned, “I don’t know how you stand her. She’s so stupid.”

“Hey, she’s not bad at all!” I argued, “You shouldn’t be so judgy.”

She huffed, “I can’t say anything now. People these days are so sensitive, you’re not allowed to say anything anymore!”

“It’s because we’re nicer now,” I explained, wary, “If you want to work in this group, you’re gonna have to adjust. Not everyone is like you.”

She grumbled, then went off to talk to Tamara. I sped up to the front, making sure I could see everything in front of us. We were in Hobart City now. We passed the old church, McCann’s Music Centre. We got to the Elizabeth Street Mall, where everything was still the same. People gave us terrified looks and parted a huge path for us. But no one approached us. Then one woman screamed. I quickly turned around. Behind our group, there was a wave of shells, a lot smaller than the one coming off Newdegate Street, but at least twenty or thirty. “Shit, everyone, run!” I yelled out. We all ran through the undercover place, then emerged out on the path next to Dome. We quickly sprinted across the road, but as we were running, I spotted Maddie again. She was falling behind, limping and always looking behind her at the horde. “Fuck,” I said. I pushed through my people and put my arm around Maddie. She hurriedly thanked me, and we caught up to the group. The big sandstone clock tower loomed over us, and as we got to the lights to cross, the chime rang out. Bing bong bang bong. Bong bang bing bang. Bing bong bang bing. Bong bang bing bang. Bong. It was one o’clock. I rubbed my eyes. Surely it hadn’t been two hours since we started walking?

We all raced to the bus mall, just two streets away, and luckily there was a bus there. Jonquil surged forward and we quickly followed behind her, to the bus’s door.

The driver looked at us through the transparent glass, strangely not surprised to see us all bloody. He didn’t open the door, but Jocelyn came up next to Jonquil and banged their fist on the door, “Excuse me, can you open up?”

The man opened the door, but only partly, “I’m sorry kids, I can’t let you on.”

“Let us on the fucking bus!” Jonquil yelled, “Do you know what we’ve just been through?!”

The bus driver looked at us all. He was a tall man, old and grey, with square spectacles perched on the end of his nose. His hair was like wizard hair, all white and fly-away, and his Metro uniform was stained with tomato sauce. His eyes were pale blue and watery, and his face was pallid but stone, “There won’t be enough space!” he insisted. He was American. From New York, by his accent.

“Sir,” McElroy began, “If we don’t get on this bus and drive soon, we’re gonna end up being eaten alive. That includes you too. Let. Us. On.”

His eyes darted across our number. He knew that we could easily overpower him, but he also knew that we needed him, as none of us could drive a bus. “Okay,” he relented, “Get your asses in a seat before I drive off without you.”

“Thank you so much,” I said gratefully.

“Hurry up yourself,” he replied, though with a hint of a smile.

There weren’t fifty seats on the bus, so we had to squish in three people on the two-person seats. “Is everyone in a seat of sorts?” I called out.

A cacophony of yeses answered me. The driver revved the engine and we set off. The dead had not yet gotten central Hobart as bad as Friends’, so people could still be seen out of the fibreglass bus windows, running as the dead began to emerge from the direction we’d come.

“So,” the bus driver said to us, though keeping his eyes on the road, “What are your plans? You know what this is, as I do, but once you get to where you need to go, what’re you gonna do? I’m going to Bruny Island.”

“We’re fortifying and staying in a co-housing where Indigo lives,” Rae explained, “It’s got, how many, Indigo?”

“Eleven, twelve counting the common house,” I replied, taking another glance at Jonquil. She was sitting with Gabrielle, Jocelyn, Emilia Richardson, Maera, Lydia and Xavier at the very back.

“Yeah, so that’s where we’re going. Good luck on your journey to Bruny,” Rae said to him, grimacing.

He grumbled something inaudible, but then he said, “Well I’m seventy-nine years old, and I promised my son Andrew when he was little that I would live to a hundred. I’m gonna try and keep that promise.”

Tsubame frowned and asked, “What’s your name?”

“Me?” he said, “Well, my name is George. May I ask your names?”

“I’m Indigo,” I said, grinning awkwardly.

Rae winked, “Rae’s the name, y’all.”

“My name would be Emilia,” Emilia nodded.

“I’m Tamara and this is Tsubame,” Tamara explained.

“Soo-what?” he stumbled.

Tsubame rolled her eyes, “T-S-U-B-A-M-E, it’s pronounced soo-balm-ay.”

“You don’t look like a Tsubame?”

“What you mean to say is, ‘You don’t look Asian?’. My parents liked the name, it’s Japanese for bird,” Tsubame stated.

“Okay, who else?”

“Jonquil underscore hockey underscore player!” Jonquil laughed from the back.

“She okay?” George questioned, raising one eyebrow.

I blushed slightly, “Yeah, she’s fine. She just played hockey well and is overly confident.” With a good reason too, I thought. We were fast approaching Huon Road, with normal traffic as there were no shells here because the infection had not reached this far yet. I thought about all of the people who didn’t know what was happening. Lady Gowrie, the childcare centre, was just to the right of the intersection leading onto Huon Road. My old school, South Hobart Primary, was just on Anglesea Street, not even half of a kilometre apart. But we had to get to the Co-Op, otherwise, we would become shells too.

We’d gone silent now. Too scared or too tired or too weak to say anything. I glanced again at Jonquil but yelped and flicked my head back around when I saw her looking directly at me. I heard giggling from her and her friends. I tried to ignore them. We were further up Huon Road now, nearly at the intersection that turned into Strickland Avenue, which was where we were going to go to get to the Co-Op. “We get off at the next stop,” I said to the old man. He nodded.

“Guys!” I stood up, holding onto the stabilising poles, “We’re getting off now!” They all understood and started shifting towards the front. I felt someone’s hand brush against mine, and even without looking, I could tell it was her. The hand was very soft, slender and long-fingered. And cold. My hands were always really warm, so I never wore gloves, not even in snow. I tensed up once more, my heart racing. I knew she was trying to make me feel awkward, but she wasn’t trying to be mean.

“Watch your pancreas, hun,” Jonquil whispered, making me giggle.

“Okay, kids,” George said, “We’re at your stop.”

“Okie dokie,” I replied, then I spoke to everyone else, “We’re close, guys. We just need to walk down Strickland Avenue, then we’ll be there.”

They agreed. I didn’t think the day had taken so long, but it was obvious now, as the sun was just about falling behind the great shadow of kunanyi. It was what they called twilight now. The light from the day still there but dimmed. But it wasn’t meant to be like that. It was only two o’clock. At least, I thought so. “Thank you so much,” I said to the old American, “Good luck with Bruny, and be careful ‘round your neighbours!”

George winked, “The neighbours are scary enough when they’re not dead!”

***

Edie Norris and Rae were helping Maddie walk down the gravelly road, as her ankle was still troubling her. It was obvious that she’d broken it now. Tsubame, Emilia and I were leading the group at the front, while Tamara was with Maude Cotton and Maude Reilly, Polly, Gemma, Louis, Sabrina Turner and Sabrina Chapman, Kathy and Scarlett. Jonquil was behind her with Gabrielle, Lydia, Maera, Jocelyn, Emilia Richardson and Xavier. Behind that, Edie Buckner was shoulder-to-shoulder with Leticia, who was looking wild-eyed at the bush on either side of the road. Elizabeth stood next to them; her knife clenched tightly in her hand. Everyone else’s knives were still there too, but in pockets or loosely held. The second last row of people were the boys; Roger, Sam Chambers and Sam Gilbert, Gabriel, Benjamin and Jacques.

No one was talking, and perhaps that was a good thing because even though we hadn’t seen any shells here yet, they were bound to come with the darkness of night. I looked back, and this time Jonquil wasn’t looking at me. I shook my head, turning back to the front as we kept walking. She even looks beautiful when she’s sad. Though of course, I had to focus on other things, Jonquil couldn’t be in my head as she usually was. She’s not just a girl from school who I like anymore. She’s going to live around me, like family.

We were turning around the last bend now, and suddenly we were presented with the familiar sight of the blue, corrugated iron and brick houses that made up my home. I spoke for the first time since we’d gotten off the bus, half an hour ago, “We’re here, guys. Have your knives out ready, there may be some shells in there. I shouldn’t think so, but just in case. There might still be some of the residents living in some of the houses, so we’ll have to sort that out. My friends and I are already in House 6.”

I put my hand through the hole in the two-metre-tall side gate of the Co-Op and unlocked the rusty iron lock. The wooden gate creaked open and I peered my head out, trying to spot any shells. But it didn’t look like they had reached South Hobart yet. And we’d have to fix the fences and make them way more stable. I made sure everyone was on the plateau-ish place next to the Common House before I shut the gate again.

I told the students to stay on the plateau (which would soon become our cemetery), and I crept across the concrete courtyard to House 11, where the person with the closest age to my own lived. She went to Taroona High, but she had gone to my primary school, South Hobart Primary. Anna Faye had lived in the Co-Op since I’d first met her in Year 3, but she had moved from my house, House 6, to House 11 two years ago. She lived there with her little sister Tabby and her mother Leah.

I knocked on the door, “Hey, is anyone in there?” I heard uneven thumping as something stumbled up to the door. I knew from the sounds that she had turned into a shell. I opened the door, expecting it, and as the shell of Anna fell out, I kicked it in the back of the knees and killed it with one stab up the base of the neck. Her dead mother followed, then her little sister. I wiped the blade on my blood-encrusted softshell, and bent down to lift Tabby, the lightest one, up and took her over to my group, “They’ve gotten in,” I looked down at the ground.

Louis was aghast, “Did you know her?”

“Her name was Tabby Faye,” I replied, breathing heavily. I lay Tabby on the ground like I had Gianna. We would bury her and everyone else after eliminating the rest of the Co-Op shells. Emilia and I brought over Anna and her mother and put them next to Tabby, “I knew her sister Anna, and her mum, Leah. Could you, Leticia, Maera, Elizabeth and Jocelyn do House 8?”

I went on to say, “Gabrielle, Jonquil, Lydia, Xavier, do House 7. McElroy, Tamara and Tsubame, Common House. Gemma, Louis, Hayley, Kathy, Sabrina Turner, and Jeannie on House 3, they had a big family. Sabrina Chapman, Maude Cotton, Polly, do House 4. Scarlett, Maude Reilly and Maddie do House 9. Roger, Sam Chambers, Sam Gilbert, Zachariah, do House 2. And Jacques, Ritchie, Gabriel, House 10. Edie Norris, Rae, Emilia Richardson, stay here and help me dig their graves.” I knew no one was in my house. Mum would have been working and Isaiah would have been at school when it started.

They all did as they were told and soon there were many bodies lying side by side on the dirt. While they’d been killed, my group had collected pave stones off the walkway for headstones. We had only dug five graves, however, so when everyone had gotten back, they had started to work as well. In the end, we’d dug twenty-two. There were twenty-four bodies, but four of them were toddlers, two pairs of siblings. From House 5, Julien and Serenity were the children of Hae-Won and Manuel, and from House 10, Melody and baby Kat belonged to Luna, who lay next to them. Once, a few months back, I’d held Kat while Luna paid donations for Common Meal, and she’d been so quiet, holding onto one of my fingers with all of hers. We buried all of them, piling the dirt back on top, heaping it like milo on a teaspoon. It seemed too normal. We would have to do it many times that year before it was over.

“Okay, guys,” I wiped my brow, trying to hide my red face, red because of how hard I was trying not to cry in front of everyone, “You have to choose your houses now.”

“We’re with you, obviously,” Emilia said as she gestured to herself, Tsubame and Tamara.

“I know that,” I said back, “I’m asking the other children.”

“We’ll be in-” Jonquil started.

I already knew, “-House 7?”

“Obviously,” she agreed, “With Gabs, Skinny Lyd, Richie and Zay, I should think.” After they nodded eagerly, her friends looked at each other, smirking.

I ignored them, then I immediately went back to the housing arrangements before anyone could ask anything, “Who else knows what house?”

Jeannie put her hand up, then said, “Well, we’ll be in House 5, since that’s next to you guys.” Gemma, Hayley, Louis, Sabrina Turner and Kathy all said, “Yeah.”

“Nice, that’s three houses sorted,” I counted, “Who next?”

Tall Sam Gilbert looked down at his tiny partner, Jocelyn Whitaker, then confirmed, “We’ll be in House 8.”

Jocelyn added, “Maera can stay too.”

Leticia said, “Elizabeth, Edie and I’ll be in number 10.” She was, of course, referring to Edie Buckner.

I won’t bother you with the rest of the conversations, but I’ll just give a summary:

House 2 (Common House is House 1): Edie Norris, Maddie, Maude Reilly and Sabrina Chapman.

House 3: Roger, Aarav, Gabriel and Sam Chambers.

House 4: Jacques, Zachariah and Ritchie.

House 5: Jeannie, Louis, Gemma, Hayley, Sabrina Turner and Kathy.

House 6: Emilia McElroy, Tamara, Tsubame and I.

House 7: Jonquil, Gabrielle, Lydia, Emilia Richardson and Xavier.

House 8: Jocelyn, Sam Gilbert and Maera.

House 9: Scarlett, Maude Cotton, Polly and Rae.

House 10: Leticia, Edie Buckner and Elizabeth.

The other houses were empty, and the Common House was, I guess, for everyone.

Before we’d all gone to our houses, I’d said to meet again at the Common House when it got dark. Well, it was dark now, and I was waiting inside it. Something I’d learned from all my reading and watching, there should always be some lookouts. This meeting of sorts would be to discuss that. We would begin to build shelters for the posts two days after this. I sat in a faded willow-patterned armchair by the blank TV, while to either side of me was a blue couch with three cushions and a giant purple bean bag. People were starting to come in as I rolled out a big sheet of paper detailing the top view of the Co-Op and a pad of sticky-notes. Polly and Scarlett were there first, then Maddie being helped by Rae. Scarlett said as she looked all around the Common House, then checked out the window, “I can’t believe that we’re in such a good place, though the fences are somewhat falling.”

“We’ll fix those,” I smiled.

McElroy, Tamara, Tsubame and Jeannie came in next and tried to fit onto the couch, which was tricky as it was a three-person couch. Gabrielle, Emilia Richardson, Lydia and Xavier appeared after, talking and making it seem like most of their relatives and friends had just been killed. I was very confused because Jonquil wasn’t there, but I didn’t say anything. When everyone else had come in, however, a voice that sounded very much like Jonquil called from outside, “And here she comes, the queen!” and she paraded in the door, head held high. I chuckled and struggled to keep the squeal of happiness in my throat, but then noticed the look of absolute disgust on Tsubame’s face. It was clear that she hated Jonquil a lot.

“Ahem, anyway,” I began, “I hope that at least some of you have seen zombie movies. Or the Walking Dead. Either one. If you have, you’ll know about having lookouts. We won’t be safe without having people to watch the perimeters for shells-”

“Why do you keep calling them shells?” Edie Norris interrupted.

I cleared my throat pointedly, “Well. They’re still the bodies of people, but they don’t have a conscience. They are shells of the people they once were.”

A shift in the mood of the room brought my attention back to what we had to organise. I began once more, “Um so, yeah. The posts should be here, here and here.” I pointed to the tops of the Common House, House 3, House 6, House 9, and House 11. I drew them on the map. “We should build shelters for them tomorrow when it’s light, and we should also make a roster for watch.”

“Can we call it the Night’s Watch?” Jeannie said cheekily and gained a couple of laughs.

I shook my head, and grinned, “No, that’s copyright, George R.R. Martin. But that’s funny.” I then drew up a table, seven columns, and four rows. “Fill in where you wanna be. First and last name, because there are a couple of people with the same names, and it’ll give me the heebie-jeebies to see everyone else not like that.”

The Emilias, Sabrinas, Edies and Maudes smirked at one another.

“Well,” I said when everyone had put their names down, “Thanks for that, we won’t do it tonight, but is there anything else before we go to sleep? By the way, lock all your doors and windows.”

“Does the TV work?” Jocelyn asked, “It might have something useful on the news.”

Her request was echoed so I turned it on. ‘I’m Peppa Pig!’ It blasted the Peppa Pig theme song.

“Peppa,” Rae smirked, “What are you doing on TV?”

“Fuck!” I swore, then turned it down. “Which channel is it?”

“Twenty-four,” someone replied.

“Thank you very much,” I said. But the news report was from national television, not from Tasmania.

“It has been found that as of today at nine-forty, stations from Tassie were suddenly disconnected, and the entire mainland has lost all contact with the state. No cause has been found for this yet, but the government has said it will issue military over there on Saturday. Whatever is going on over there seems not good at all, and the public is panicking. Over to Richard Davis, who will be interviewing some of the frantic citizens.”

“Thanks, Sarah. We are going to now interview Mr Arnold Danvers, from Brisbane, who says that his children and grandchildren have not responded to any contact at all.”

“Well,” an old, stooped man said, “I texted me son and daughter-in-law this mornin’, and they didn’t answer, which I thought was a bit strange. People these days respond like lightning. I knew something was wrong, so I did the same to me grandchildren, Joe and Casey. They didn’t either. Now they would’ve, teens are always on their phones. I tell ya, the authorities have something to answer for if something has happened.”

“Oh my god!” Lydia yelped, “Look behind him!”

Behind the old man was a horde of what looked like protesters, but as they came closer, it could be seen the blood covering some, and insides spilling out. A collective wail came from the approaching crowd.

“There seems to be a crowd of protesters approaching, I wonder what they have to say- hang on. No, turn the camera off.” The camera stayed on, but it was clear that someone was holding it off the tripod now, as it was extremely shaky. “Excuse me, what do you want?” the news reporter asked frantically as a shell gripped his arm. “What the fuck are you doing! No, stop!” the shell latched its mouth on the man’s face and bit hard. More shells came and the person holding the camera ran and his heavy breathing almost drowned out the sound of the reporter’s screams and the feasting of the shells. The cameraman was running from the shells, but from the moans and growls, we could tell they were getting closer.

“Ah, fuck, my ankle!” the man said, “No, leave me alone! I haven’t done any-”

And we watched helplessly as he was gorged upon by shells, his blood covering the camera, the screen flickering, then cutting off. The screen turned to standby. The screen flicked to the news anchor, who was as pale as the skin of my melanin-deficient inner forearm.

She started to speak, but Elizabeth turned it off, looking like she was about to throw up.

“Um, well,” I despaired, “I guess there’s no way we’re getting saved, is there?”

Jocelyn was now quietly sobbing and clenching Sam Gilbert’s hand like it was the last thing keeping her alive. Rae, who had joked about Peppa Pig being on, was frozen, she couldn’t speak, and her hands were shaking. Tamara had gone white. She was the least desensitized of our friends. Xavier was stroking Lydia’s hair, hushing her as she shuddered into his chest. Jonquil collapsed onto the beanbag, but said, “Well… we just have to survive by ourselves, w-won’t we?”

I nodded weakly, “It might be best to, uh, go back now… do whatever you need to, to calm down or feel safe. If there’s any food in the house you’re in, eat some.”

They all started to leave, and just as I was too, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and Maera was there. “Hey, do you need something?” I asked, smiling politely.

She was very pretty, everyone could see. In my eyes, she wasn’t as pretty as Jonquil, who she was friends with. But with honey-coloured hair bleached in some places by the sun, light blue eyes, and tanned skin from rowing, she was very good-looking. She was also quite tall as well, about two inches taller than me. She half-whispered, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

I raised an eyebrow, getting suspicious, “Yeah, sure?”

“Um, what do we do about periods?” Maera asked, blushing.

I laughed in relief, “I thought you were gonna tell me you were bitten or something! Jeez, it’s not embarrassing! I should have said that when everyone was here! Um, well, I think we have a good stock of pads in each house, but if yours doesn’t have any, you can borrow some from me or someone else.”

She grinned, embarrassed, “Sorry, I just didn’t know what to do. I get awkward about stupid stuff sometimes.”

“Nah, it’s cool,” I said, “I do that too.”

“Oh, we all know that,” Maera chuckled, then ran to catch up with Jocelyn and Sam Gilbert.

“Wow, thanks,” I said to myself, “It’s not like I’m mentally ill or anything.”

When we were back at our house, Emilia, Tsubame, Tamara and I settled into our beds. I was in my room, Tsubame was in my mum’s room, but Tamara and Emilia were in Isaiah’s old room, as Tamara was having another panic attack, and Emilia was trying to calm her down. They quietened down after a while, but I couldn’t sleep. So, I wrapped myself in a dressing gown and went into Tamara and Emilia’s room. Tsubame had moved into their room as well, she must’ve just not wanted to be alone. They were all sleeping. I looked at them, they looked so peaceful. I knew I really should’ve done the same, but I couldn’t. So, I sat in the middle of the girls, tucked them in so they were nice and covered and then I sat back against the wall.


	4. March 22nd, 2019

I did eventually fall asleep, but my dreams were full of death and terror, and when I woke up sweating and shivering the next day, Tamara, Emilia and Tsubame’s worried faces looking down at me.

“Indigo are you okay?” asked Tsubame, concerned.

I took my hand away from my forehead, “No. But I’m not going to ever be again, I don’t think.”

Emilia looked up and out the door, “Well, um, you should probably get up now. It’s like nine o’clock.”

“Shit!” I exclaimed, “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

“We knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep, you always told us that you couldn’t get to sleep before ten, and since, well, since it’s the zombie apocalypse, you’re the protector, I guess.”

“Oh,” I said. The word protector felt weird, “But you guys know about zombies too?”

“Indigo,” Tamara said, “You did way more planning than any of us.”

“True.”

I got up and stretched, arching my back like a cat, then I rubbed my eyes, clearing all the sleep out. “I need to check on everyone,” I said, “They’re probably still scared that some shells got in.”

They nodded. I ran down the stairs and went out the door. I was tempted to go to House 7 first, but since House 5 was closer, and Jeannie and our other friends were in it, I decided to go there first. I knocked on the door seven times, because why not. Gemma answered the door very cautiously, opening it just a crack, “Who’s there?” she asked.

“It’s okay, it’s just me, Indigo,” I said.

“Oh, okay,” she opened the door fully, and said, “I was a bit scared that they’d gotten in again.”

“There’s a few outside of the fences, but we can easily get rid of them,” I reassured, “Is everyone okay?”

“Yeah,” Gemma said, “They’re good-”

“Hey, Indigo!” Jeannie interrupted.

Gemma swatted at Jeannie, “You interrupted me!”

“Hehe,” she replied.

“Okay, bye guys, I’ve gotta check on the other houses. And also, everyone is meeting in the courtyard in about an hour.”

“Bye, Indigo,” Gemma and Jeannie said together.

The door closed, then I went to House 7. I knocked on the door again. I heard some rustling from inside, and Jonquil opened the door, her clothes all bedraggled and slept-in. “Hey, Indigo,” she grinned cheekily, “How’s it going?”

“Um, good,” I said, “You should be more cautious when you open a door, there could be shells.”

She waggled her eyebrows and said, “I looked through the window.”

I closed my eyes temporarily, then said, red-faced, “Of course you did, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” she laughed.

“I don’t know, sorry,” I stumbled, “By the way, how is everyone?”

Her face dropped, but only for a second, “They’re good, don’t worry. Do you need help with building stuff?”

“Yeah, I will later,” I smiled, “In an hour we’re all meeting in the bottom courtyard. Bye.”

“See you later, alligator,” she winked.

I paced up the pavement to House 8 and knocked on their door too. Jocelyn answered the door immediately, “Indigo, what can I help you with?”

“Jesus!” I hadn’t expected them to be right there, “You’re like Jonquil with that! Just popping out of nowhere! Uh, sorry.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Again, what can I help you with?”

“Nothing yet, I just wanted to check in on everyone. Are you guys good?”

“Well, apart from the fact that nearly everyone died yesterday, they’re good,” Jocelyn replied waspishly.

“Um, okay, thanks,” I was a little wary of Jocelyn, she tended to be harsher than they meant to be, “I didn’t mean to be insensitive, I’m really sorry.”

Jocelyn looked up at me, ashamed, “No, I’m sorry, Indigo. I’m just, just scared, is all. For everyone.”

“Well,” I sighed, “I- I know how you feel. And also, everyone is meeting in the courtyard in an hour, just so you know. I guess that would be you.”

“Ha,” she laughed, “You’re right about that. Bye.”

She shut the door, and I went on to House 9. Scarlett, Polly, and Maude Cotton were doing well, considering they were all from different friendship groups. Maude Cotton was the leader of that house, it seemed. House 10 had Edie Buckner, Leticia, and Elizabeth. All scary people. Well, at least Edie and Leticia were. Elizabeth was cool, I guess. As House 11 and 12 were empty, I went around to House 2 to check on Edie Norris, Maddie, Maude Reilly and Rae. Edie was the one who answered the door, but Maude peeked over her shoulder and said, “Hey Indigo! Come to check on us?”

“Heh, yeah,” I grinned, “You’re alright, I assume?”

“Yep, we’re well enough,” Edie said, “Do you want us to come down to the courtyard soon?”

“Nah, it’s about an hour away,” I said. I went on to Houses 3 and 4, wherein House 3 Roger answered the door, and in House 4 Ritchie Webber did. I went back to my house to wait for that hour. I went upstairs to clear the room that was now Tamara’s and Emilia’s and used to be Isaiah’s. Tamara and Emilia were over in House 5, as was Tsubame, so I was alone.

I began by taking all of his posters down. Scooby-Doo, The Simpsons, racing cars… they all were rolled up and taken into my room, placed up in the top draw of my cupboard to collect dust. I really couldn’t be bothered to finish clearing his room, so I went back downstairs. That’s the kind of mind I had. Not the one I needed though. Before I went, I grabbed my notebook, some pencils and a ruler. I sat in a kitchen chair, then I began to sketch some ideas for shelter on the watch posts. They wouldn’t be finished for tonight, but at least if we got them started then that would be good.

The first design was just a simple bus shelter style with a bench and a roof. It would be hard to build but it could be good. Then I realised that the posts would have to be able to communicate with each other. So that idea was scrapped. The next one was a kind of box idea, with a hole in the back to be able to communicate. That scrapped too because too much wood was required. I ended up with an idea of a half-wall, where we could see over the top, but also have something to lean on. The front was an open deck, able to see the full scope of our area to watch. In the event of rain, we would use a hinged roof that would usually be down. A bin would be placed in the left-hand corner of the watch post, holding weapons and supplies. I decided that whoever was doing the watch would be responsible for comfort things like pillows and blankets. Lanterns were a must too. What was the use of a watch system if you couldn’t see?

The time flew by, and I saw people begin to gather in the bottom courtyard. I had thought about naming both the courtyards, so people wouldn’t get confused. The top courtyard would be called the MUHR, as a reminder of Friends’. The bottom one would be called the Basin, since the drainage was really bad, and water was always collected in it. I quickly checked myself in the bathroom mirror, making sure I wasn’t too messed up. Then I walked out the door and stood in front of everyone. Jacques saw me and shouted out, “Écoute ici!”

“What?” Zachariah shouted back.

Jacques replied, “Listen up! Indigo is here!”

Polly smirked, “Haha, Zach can’t speak French.”

“Nobody speaks French, Polly!” Edie frowned.

Jacques cleared his throat.

Edie rolled her eyes, “Except you.”

“Ahem,” I said, reminding them that I existed.

Polly nodded and saluted me. I clapped my hands together and said, calling out so the furthest back could hear me, “Um, so, today we need to do a lot of stuff! First of all, since we have to have a watch system, we need a kind of shelter for the posts. I drew up a design that I think will work, so all we need to do is get wood and stuff, build them, and somehow attach them to the tops of roofs. That’ll be hard so, um, yeah. Second, I need some people to come and check houses for people, food and weapons. I promised McElroy we’d go to her house, but that will be a job for only my house since it’s Emilia’s request. My house will also be going to Jamie Wilkin’s house in Fern Tree.”

“Can we go to our houses?” Leticia asked.

“If you can get back by dark, then yes, you may. But be careful. I don’t want anyone else to die,” I said.

“Is Claremont too far?” Jonquil called out, Emilia Richardson nodding behind her.

I thought for a second, “I’d estimate that walking to Claremont and back would take about six hours. It’s about eleven now, so you would get back at about five, but I’m sure you would get very hungry, as you haven’t eaten since yesterday morning.”

“I’d get food along the way,” she replied.

“By get, you mean steal?” Gemma questioned, raising her eyebrow.

“Don’t tell anyone,” Jonquil winked.

After that, we went into the backyard, dealing with the shells that were there, then we began collecting planks off the woodpile in a small shed. We began building them in the Basin, the bases of them first. Luckily, my family had been a very handy one, as we had a toolbox full of nails and tools. Most other houses had them too.

When everyone began to work, I dragged Emilia, Tamara and Tsubame away from building so I could plan with them. “So, I’ve decided that we’ll go to Emilia’s house before Jamie’s. Jamie might be dead, and I promised Emilia that we would go to her house.”

“But isn’t Jamie’s house closer?” Tamara asked.

I thought for a moment, “I mean, yeah. I guess so. But we were supposed to go to Emilia’s house yesterday, so… I don’t know, but I’ve made up my mind.”

“We can go to Jamie’s house first,” Emilia cut in, “It’ll take less time, and because my family lives in North Hobart, they-” She stopped to rub the tears that were forming in her eyes. “-they’re likely… well, you know.” We all hugged her then, and Emilia broke down into shuddering sobs.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, “We should have gone yesterday.”

She looked up, “No. You had to save us. More people would’ve died if we’d gone to my house.”

I hugged her again. Emilia was always so understanding. I told everyone that my friends and I would be heading out soon, but then Ritchie called out, “Indigo, I think we’re all really hungry, can we have some food?”

I had been so focussed on work this morning that I hadn’t noticed the cramping feeling of a stomach that hadn’t eaten in nearly two days, but I had when Jonquil had said what she said about ‘getting food’. Before we went, I gathered up odd pieces of dehydrated fruit from the Common House storage and shared it between our house.

***

We snuck around the back of the giant white brick house, keeping wary of any noises to warn of shells. As it used to be my house, I knew how and where to get in. Jamie’s room was at the back of the one-storey house, the furthest. Past his room, there was a door leading out into the garage. That was a massive one. Jamie had many pets that we had to look out for too. He had two dogs, two rabbits and about eight chickens. He loved chickens a lot. He was practically obsessed with them. We hopped over the farm gate, so it wouldn’t scrape across the gravel of her driveway. That used to scare me when I lived here. It sounded like the footsteps of shells, though rather childishly I had called them zombies then.

We heard the clucking of his chickens in their coop as we went into the shed and I picked the lock with two pieces of stiff wire. His room was right to the right of where I was standing, but I could hear the groans of shells coming from the kitchen down the hall. His family had succumbed, but had he? I gently pushed the door open and heard frantic scrambles as Jamie rushed to slam the door. “Jamie!” I hissed through the keyhole, “It’s me, Indigo! We’ve come to get you!”

The door opened just a tiny way, and I saw a hazel eye appear, then the door opened fully, and Jamie stood in the door’s frame. He was spattered with blood, his eyes red and wild, and his short, strawberry blonde hair matted, holding a scarlet bread knife. But he wasn’t bitten. And that was amazing because his family had been. I immediately hugged him and said, “Jamie! Are you okay?!”

“I-Indigo? Why are you here?” Jamie was puzzled.

“To save you, dinkle!” I said incredulously.

“Oh okay,” Jamie said. He looked like the life had been drained out of him. “Can we get my chickens?”

I gritted my teeth, “No, Jamie. Your life is more important than your chickens. I’m sorry.”

“I’m getting them, and you can’t stop me!” Jamie shrieked.

That escalated quickly.

It was like something had broken inside of him. He’d gone mad. He pushed past me, still holding the bloody knife, and took two pet carriers from his garage. We tried to catch up to him, but he was always a fast runner. We chased after him, but by the time we got to him, he was already at the chicken coop. He tried to catch a Polish frizzle, but it kept running away from him, perhaps sensing his crazy mind.

“Jamie! You have to stop! You’ve gone mad, your chickens aren’t important!” Tamara pleaded with her.

Jamie began to shriek random gibberish, but he was attracting shells, what we then thought was his loudness, but what we soon discovered was her rapid movement causing small shockwaves in the ground, and we began to hear the moans and screeches of the shells. “Jamie! Calm down, you’re drawing them to us!” Tsubame yelled.

Jamie still didn’t stop. And it was too late because none of us saw the shadow behind the henhouse, none of us could distinguish that shape’s moan from the collective. Even Jamie himself didn’t realise until the shells grasped him firmly by the wrist with cold, decaying hands. He tried to pull away, screaming, but the shell, which I now recognised as my old neighbour, Erik, dove in at his neck. It unhinged its jaw with a scraping squelch and locked its teeth deep into the soft flesh. I shouted, “No! Jamie!” and I sprinted towards him, where the shell had ripped open his stomach and was feeding on his entrails. I kicked the shell away and drove my dagger deep into its skull. The tears were coming down in torrents as I was so upset, I just kept stabbing that shell until its skull crushed and suddenly, I was covered in bone, brain and blood. “No!” I bellowed.

It took Emilia, Tsubame and Tamara to pull me off that shell, sobbing hysterically and whispering, “No! No! No!”

“Indigo, we have to be with Jamie,” Emilia cried, her eyes red and watery. I agreed. I owed it to Jamie. He was my oldest friend.

Tsubame and Tamara had so delicately pulled her against the wall of the chicken coop, her intestines coiling like slimy snakes around her. It was grotesque. I never thought that so much could be inside such a small boy. I tore off a piece of cloth from my shirt and helped Jamie hold it to the mortal wound, though it would do nothing to save him. Jamie spoke, choking from the blood, but the words were still audible. “Indigo… she started it… I saw her… she’ll kill eight… June…” And his eyes dropped down, as his life electricity shut off, his shivering hand fell limp, the bloody cloth falling away, but no more blood came from the terrible jagged bite in his neck.

“Jamie! Jamie!” I shook him. He didn’t move.

“Indigo,” Emilia put her hand on my shoulder, “He’s gone.”

I was shattered. None of my friends had died yet. Only now did I know Jonquil’s pain. All her friends that came with her to the gym were dead. I hadn’t understood then, I didn’t know the horror of someone you know and love die in front of you. And you can’t help them. You can’t do anything except watch as the blood drains out of them, as they exhale shuddering, as their eyes turn glassy and still. Their blood on your hands. Their life snuffed out like a candle in a lantern.

“Don’t look,” Tsubame said. I knew what she was doing. I turned away, and I heard the shuck of Tsubame’s dagger as she shoved it up the base of Jamie’s neck. If she hadn’t done that, Jamie would have woken up as a shell.

I turned back to see Tsubame wiping her blade on her pants. “I guess we should loot the house,” I said dejectedly. The others agreed. In truth, we also had to get away from the yard, as Jamie had drawn the attention of around three other shells. Though we would’ve been able to take them, we had to get back to the Co-Op.

In truth, Jamie’s house did not have much food. A box of muesli bars, apples and biscuits, and that was it. We did however take things that could not be eaten as a sole item but combined, like flour and sugar. His house had other valuable stuff though. His family was a very nature-loving family, and had many (scented) candles, as they tended not to use electricity. Hippies. And before we’d left, we’d picked Jamie up and placed his body carefully in his family’s wheelbarrow. He deserved to be remembered and buried in the Co-Op. And we took the chickens in the carriers. They would make a good meal, and some would provide eggs.

The rest of the journey back need not bother you, as the reader doesn’t need details that don’t matter. We hid, we ran. We got back to the Co-Op an hour later.

As I pushed the wheelbarrow through the gate, Edie Buckner was shooting hoops with a deflated netball into a basketball net that was held onto the rail of the Common House’s patio with a small stretch of rope. She gasped when she saw our bloodstained clothes, our red faces. Jamie had been in her homegroup, and though they never had bonded well (Jamie had thought Edie rude and bitchy; Edie had thought Jamie weird and crazy), tears formed in her eyes when she saw Jamie’s cold corpse, his guts spilling into the tray of the wheelbarrow. “Oh my god! What the fuck happened?!” she shrieked, holding her hand to her mouth.

“He’s dead. Was before we were there,” Tamara lied. We never told anyone else how Jamie had died. “We have chickens.” She said flatly.

Zachariah came out of the Common House but stopped dead when he saw the wheelbarrow. He ran his fingers through his wavy hair, combed to the side. “Jamie…” he whispered. He walked over to us and said, “I’ll help.”

We glanced at each other. “No, it’s- it’s fine,” I said, but faltered when I saw his look of pain, “Actually. Help us dig.”

Luckily the place that we’d had turned into a cemetery was a very large flat area. Enough for thirty more bodies. But we hoped we’d never fill them. Zachariah was digging furiously, tears falling into the dry dirt. We had stopped and were watching him. He was digging by himself, but it was enough. Soon the hole was deep enough, and we lowered Jamie into it. We poured the blood that had accumulated into the side of the grave so that Jamie could have enough of himself for wherever he would go. As my friends and Zachariah piled dirt back on, I took another slate from the path and scratched his name and birth to death dates. Jamie Wilkins. 16th October 2005 - 22nd March 2019.

I distracted myself from the grave by asking Zachariah, “Hey, have House 7 come back yet?”

“Yeah,” he said, “They’re in their house. All they got were photos. Waste of time.”

“They wanted to remember when they didn’t have to kill or see people being killed. I would say that’s fair enough,” I reasoned, “Anyway, I gotta check on them.” I left the chickens with him.

As I walked down the path, I had to mentally prepare myself to see Jonquil. It’d been getting worse this year. I couldn’t walk past her without smiling and turning red. My chest would freeze, and I would find it hard to breathe. That was the problem with loving someone like her. People say that when you have a crush, you ignore their flaws and that makes them seem perfect, but I didn’t. She was always too loud and didn’t seem to have a filter sometimes. She was stubborn and angry when she was scared. She overreacted. But she was funny, kind, including, imaginative, caring, but most of all, she could make anyone smile.

I spat in my hands and tried to wash off the crusted blood as I walked, mindful that some people were watching through their windows, looking at me in terror. I managed to get most of it off. When I got to the door, I cleared my throat, shook myself, and knocked. The curtains beside the door rustled and I waved a little to Gabrielle who was checking for shells. She then opened the door slowly and said, “Indigo. Check up?”

“Yeah,” I gulped, seeing Jonquil in the background making funny faces at me, “How did Operation Claremont go?”

Jonquil catapulted herself in front of Gabrielle and said, “We got other stuff than just photos, as Zach’s probably told you. We got food and also my hockey stick because they’re fucking hard and I could probably thwack some zombie shit.”

I just had to laugh then, “Well, whatever suits you! But a blade will always be better than a blunt object.”

“Oh, I know, I just wanna beat the shit out of those things,” she replied. She’d changed her clothes from her blood-encrusted sports uniform to her clothes. She was wearing a light grey hoodie with the logo of her gym on it, Citywide Fitness. She wore black Adidas shorts that were quite short. And she’d got a necklace. A small, silver disk on a small, silver chain. “Have you eaten?” I said.

“I had like half a tin of Milo,” Jonquil laughed.

Gabrielle snorted, “More like the whole thing!”

“It was a small tin!” Jonquil protested.

“Sure,” said Lydia, who had appeared behind her, “Is 200 grams a small tin?”

“Ha-well,” Jonquil put one of her hands on her chest, making a ‘solemn’ promise, “I promise I’ll never be hungry again.”

I smiled, and I felt my face getting redder, so I said, “Well, I just needed to check up on you guys, so that’s it. See you guys.”

“Bye, In-day,” Jonquil coyly waved bye, over-exaggerating.

Lydia and Gabrielle were a little more controlled, so all they said was, “Bye.”

As they closed the door, I ran out into the Basin and I jumped and twirled in the air. I was high on Jonquil. It was so bad; my oldest friend had just died, and I was the happiest person in the Co-Op. I shouted out, to no one in particular, “What is wrong with me! Can someone explain?”

“Um,” Maera poked her head out the window of House 8, “Indigo, are you okay?”

“Nope,” I said back, “But it’s cool though.”

I went back up to the Common House, filled with stupid emotions that I couldn’t control. Why of all times did the depression seem to be lifting now? Jamie had just died in front of me, I was stuck in the middle of a zombie apocalypse and I was skipping. It didn’t last long though. I ran into the Common House, slamming the door shut, and speeding into the laundry. I collapsed on the floor laughing. Then the laughing transitioned to sobbing. I couldn’t stop. This was the only way I could release my feelings, having a breakdown in a room full of washing machines and powder detergent, with only the spiders and dust bunnies to see me at my weakest. My throat hurt from the force of crying so hard. My eyes were rivers that wouldn’t stop rushing.

I fell asleep there, by myself. Lying in a metaphorical puddle of despair, sorrow and heartache. I woke up shivering, the night outside dark and starless. I’d been there for quite some time. Someone knocked on the door and I jolted up. “Hey,” they said softly.

I wiped my eyes hurriedly and sat up, “Who’s there?”

McElroy came in and sat next to me, “It’s okay Indie. It’s just me.”

“Oh, hey Em,” I tried to smile, forcing the lump in my throat down.

“Indie, it’s okay to be like this. You shouldn’t have to hide your emotions,” she scooted up against the back wall, “come over here.”

I moved to where she was sitting.

She put her arms around me and murmured, “I was really worried. We didn’t know where you’d gone.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, as a force of habit.

“It’s okay,” Emilia hugged me tighter, “Just don’t do it again.”

I felt kind of weird with her being so close and hugging me. But then I remembered that straight girls are like that. Even so, it was a little sus. But I settled back into the hug anyway, and this time we both fell asleep.


	5. March 23rd, 2019

I woke up first, and I noticed straight away that Emilia wasn’t there anymore. “Em? Emilia?” I called out, “McElroy?”

She must’ve gone back to House 6.

But why didn’t she tell me?

Because you were asleep, you dumb shit.

She could’ve woken me up!

“Stop,” I said out loud. Sometimes my internal thoughts argued with each other, like people. Except all the people were me. It was distressing.

I got up, dusted myself off, then walked outside and down the pathway to House 6.

“Hey, Indigo,” Leticia said to me as I passed House 10.

I waved back; my throat too sore to speak. I passed Jonquil, Gabrielle and Emilia Richardson gathering pieces of wood, starting to attach them to make watch posts. Jonquil was wearing that navy tank top again. The morning sun made the tan skin of her strong arms shine, which made me blush.

“Hey y’all,” I mumbled as I walked in the door of House 6.

“Yo, Indie, where did you go?” Tamara looked up from her book, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. She was the only one in the room.

“Oh, I was just in the laundry,” I said, half-truthfully, “I was looking for more cleaning stuff, but I fell asleep, I guess.”

I looked around the living room, “Where’s Emilia?”

“She’s with Cottie and Luce. They’re making cookie dough at Cottie’s house,” Tamara explained.

“And Tsubame?”

“She’s upstairs, in her room.”

“Poggers.”

***

It was in the afternoon now, and Tamara, Emilia, Jeannie and I were on our first house-looting trip. It was just down in Saunders Crescent. We entered the house through the front door. It was a small one, five rooms at most, and was as empty as everywhere else. “Hey Indigo, I think there’s some food in the cupboard,” Jeannie said, “Crackers and cookies and stuff.”

“Cool, chuck it in my bag,” I turned around so she could stuff the boxes in the bag pocket.

We separated ourselves so finding more things quicker would be easier, which it did. I explored a bedroom. It was a kid’s, by the look of it. The bed had blue sheets with stars and three teddies on the pillow. One magenta, one yellow and one light blue. There wasn’t much in there, so I left. Down the hallway were two doors. I assumed the left one went to the backyard, so I opened the right one. It opened to descending concrete steps. I heard groans.

I closed the door, “Hell no.” I wasn’t getting eaten today.

“Hey Indie!” Tamara yelled, “I found some torches!”

The groans suddenly grew louder. “Shit!” I hissed.

I ran back down the hallway, “Guys, we need to get out now, there’re shells in the basement!”

Tamara came running out of the bathroom, “Oh heck, I shouldn’t have yelled.”

“It’s okay,” I looked around, “Where are Emilia and Jeannie?”

“Jeannie’s in the kitchen, obviously, but I don’t know where Em is.”

“Oh hell!” came Emilia’s voice from the living room, which she sped out of, “Guys, it’s time to move!” a group of shells came stumbling after.

Emilia yelled, “Run, you bozos!”

“Out the back door!” Jeannie ran back down the hallway where I’d come from.

“The left door, Jeannie!” I quickly yelled as we all ran down next to her.

“Got it,” she pushed the screen door open and sped through. Once we all were out, Emilia shut the door and locked it.

We looked around. There was a wall all around the back yard, too tall for us to climb, at least six feet. We were trapped. Emilia and Tamara ran around the yard, trying to find chairs or anything to stand on.

The shells busted through the back door. All the shells had been adults and all were bigger than us. If there were more of us than them, we definitely could’ve taken them. But not today. Not now.

“Shit!” Jeannie yelled.

“Indigo, what are we going to do?!” Tamara looked at me, panicking.

“I don’t know!” I worried.

Calm.

Don’t panic.

It’ll be harder to make yourself clear.

“Actually, I do!” the shells were advancing slowly, but this was a big yard, “Jeannie!”

“Yeah?!” she said. She was the tallest out of all of us.

“Can you possibly kneel next to the wall to let us over? You’re the tallest, that’s all,” I said quickly, the shells coming ever closer.

She agreed and ran further back into the yard with Emilia and Tamara, while I kicked the closest shell back into the others. They stumbled but soon got up as more emerged from the back door. “Aye, shit!” I said in a New Zealand accent, because why not?

Tamara jumped on Jeannie’s back, Jeannie nearly collapsing under her weight. “Go, Tamara!” I yelled.

She heaved herself onto the wall, which was about half a meter thick. Emilia soon followed. Jeannie called out to me, “Indigo! You’ve gotta hurry!” I turned away from her and realised the shells were almost on me. I quickly dodged an outstretched rotting hand, my heart pounding in my chest. I ran to her, the shells following. “Get up and get on the wall, Indigo, hurry!” Jeannie hustled me.

But just as I got on, a large shell grabbed my pant leg. I tugged at it, but the shell’s grip was stronger than I’d thought. “Indigo, go! The shell has fricking grabbed you!”

“I can’t! It’s fucking strong!” I panicked.

Jeannie stood up, me falling off her back, “Jesus, Jeannie, what are you doing?!”

The shell that had grabbed hold of me had been knocked off and on the ground.

“Jeannie!” Emilia yelled, “Don’t! There’s too many!”

Jeannie ignored Emilia, “Indigo, I’m gonna bend down, use my shoulders to get over. Do it quickly, ready?”

“Jeannie, what- no, Jeannie, don’t you dare!” I said, “I’ll stay here with you and fight them off!”

“Indigo, there’s too many! Ready, go!” Jeannie bent her back against the wall.

I yelled, “Jeannie, you’re not staying!”

“Go!” Jeannie frustratedly shoved me up onto the wall as I put one foot on her shoulder.

“No! Jeannie! Grab my hand!” I said desperately.

“We’ll help you!” Emilia panicked, Tamara nodding next to her.

But just as Emilia said that, the shell that had been knocked to the ground before latched onto Jeannie’s shoulder.

“Jeannie!” Emilia screamed. She tried to launch herself back over the wall, but Tamara and I held her back, “Let me go!”

“I’m sorry, Em,” Jeannie whispered. She let herself fall back into the crowd of other shells, allowing them to devour her.

Emilia slid off the side of the wall, landing softly in the grass next to the road. She slumped against the wall, tears sliding silently down her cheeks. She was frozen. I hopped down next to her and sat to her right. Tamara sat to her left. We sat there for half an hour. What were we going to say when we got back?

Hey everyone, Jeannie got eaten, but it’s okay, we have crackers!

What would Louis and Hayley do? Sabrina T, Gemma or Kathy?

“Can we go?” Emilia said softly, barely a whisper, “I can’t be here any longer.”

I nodded. Jeannie and Emilia had been friends since the age of five. They were always so close. Tamara and I guided Emilia back, holding a hand each. I took her into House 6, while Tamara went to House 5. I didn’t know what she was going to say, only that she would be the one to tell them Jeannie was dead.

I was about to leave Emilia and Tamara’s bedroom when Tsubame called out, “Indigo, is that you?” from her bedroom.

I went to the doorway, “Yeah?”

“What happened?” she was on the bed reading, “Is someone… dead?”

I nodded, nauseous, “Jeannie. She killed herself to save Tamara, Emilia and I, but she could have gotten out too!”

“I think she knew she wasn’t going to be able to cope,” Tsubame thought. There wasn’t a hint of sadness on her face. “She disguised her fear as heroism.”

There was a pause.

“Tsubame, are you even sad?”

“Why should I be? It was what Jeannie wanted. Nothing is going to come of crying and yearning. It’s not going to bring her back, or any of them,” she looked disdainful.

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” I said slowly, “but surely we have to feel something for the people we love.”

“Love is stupid. All it does is make us weak.”


	6. April 7th, 2019

We took a few weeks to recover from the beginning, though it wasn’t even fully. We adjusted to staying in the Co-Op, only leaving if it was necessary. Zachariah, Roger and Xavier helped Gabrielle, Emilia Richardson and Jonquil build the watch posts. Hayley and Gemma planted vegetable seeds in the Co-Ops pre-built greenhouses, six in total. We had eaten nearly all the food in the Houses. House 7 had been up late playing music and dancing, distracting themselves from loss and sorrow, Jonquil especially. She was down, obviously, but she still kept her confidence, bravado and enthusiasm that I knew her so well by. She’d begun to wear her hair in a low ponytail, telling me that it was more comfortable. Like everything she ever did, she looked beautiful in it.

We still hadn’t run into any other survivors. I found it very difficult to believe that we were the only group to survive, just a bunch of dumb teenagers, but that was how it was.

Lately, I’d been torn with myself. I didn’t miss my family. It felt wrong to not miss them, but no matter how hard I tried to feel some sort of yearning to see them again, it wouldn’t come. We were never particularly close. It felt wrong to think that I would probably only ever miss Emilia or Jonquil, maybe Tamara. But that was how it was, and I couldn’t change it.

On Sundays, we decided there would be a group breakfast at the Common House.

At that breakfast, Tsubame got up and came over to me. “Hey Tsubame,” I said, looking away from Jonquil, who was playing with the crackers, pretending they were her eyes, “How was ‘breakfast’?” I signed quotation marks with my fingers.

“Indigo, I am not here to talk to you about that,” she was serious and unsmiling.

I was startled by her attitude, “Whoop, okay! Let the cat out of the bag, bro.”

She looked around the table with narrowed eyes, “Outside.”

I made a face, “Okay then…”

Once we’d gotten out the door, Tsubame said, “You need to do something about House 7.”

Jonquil’s house. My stomach clenched, “What do you mean?”

“They’re disruptive and Jonquil is so annoying! You need to tell them to shut up at night!” she raised her voice.

I was startled, “Okay, jeez! I’ll tell them to calm down. But why’s Jonquil annoying?”

“She doesn’t stop talking shit, and is too happy,” Tsubame frowned.

“Well, that’s a bit judgy. She’s just trying to raise morale. People are allowed to have emotions, Tsubame,” I raised my eyebrow.

“Well, it’s irritating,” she frowned.

“Okay,” I relented, “I’ll talk to them.” I wouldn’t, though. I couldn’t. Jonquil was just trying to help her friends. She was the strongest, in more ways than one. I couldn’t understand why Tsubame needed to be so degrading to her, she was just happy.

***

There was a knock on the door. I sat up, confused.

It’s dark outside, why is someone knocking on our door?

Shut up, it could be a shell.

Don’t be stupid, someone just wants to speak to you, you’re the leader after all. Not even a good one.

I shook myself and opened the front door, checking out the window just to be safe.

“Hey Indigo!” it was Gabrielle.

I was puzzled, “Hey Gabrielle?”

“We were just wondering, Jonquil, Lydia, Richie, Zay and I, if you guys would wanna come and have some fun with us?” she smiled.

I gulped, wondering why it had to be my house’s people.

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay,” Gabrielle cautioned, holding up her hands.

“No, no,” I looked back. Emilia, Tamara and Tsubame were at House 5 with Louis, Sabrina T, Hayley, Gemma and Kathy. “I’ll be there. No one else will though.”

“Cool!” Gabrielle suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me out the door. I quickly shut the door behind me as I followed her to House 7. She opened their door, “Hey everyone, look who I found!”

“In-day!” Jonquil shouted, looking slyly at me. I blushed profusely.

“Sup Indigo,” Richardson said, sitting next to Lydia and Xavier on their couch.

I stumbled over my words, “So, um, what’re y’all doing?”

“We’re doing tarot readings, you’re a witch, right Indie?” Jonquil held out a tin of tarot cards, labelled Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot.

“Um, yeah I am, but I haven’t been doing much practice lately. Y’know, with the whole zombie apocalypse going on,” I tried to avoid looking into her eyes, but accidentally caught her gaze twice. Her eyes shone in the light of the candles that had been lit.

“Yeah, but can you still give us a reading?” Xavier had his arm around Lydia.

“Sure,” I held out my hand to Jonquil, gesturing for her to pass the tin. As she did so, our fingers touched and we both yelped as a static shock hit us both. Jonquil fell about laughing while I just hid my face, embarrassed.

“Alright,” Richie said, “I have a question for the cards!”

“Ooh,” Jonquil pulled the hood of her hoodie over her head, “Look at me, I’m a spooky ghost, rargh!”

I shook my head, giggling, “What’s your question, Emilia?”

“Okay, just so we can check if they work, how are we all feeling at the moment, cards?”

“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath so that no one heard me. That question wouldn’t lead to good things at this point in time. My heart beat faster as Jonquil sat next to me.

“Do me first,” Gabrielle said.

I shuffled the cards, then picked out three for a fuller reading. When I turned them over, they were the Ace of Wands, the Two of Swords and the Six of Cups. I faced Gabrielle, “You have a lot of courage at the moment. Even though it’s so hard right now, you’re still going, and I think that’s amazing, but the thing is, you can’t be like this and block your emotions. I suspect that’ll be a theme with all of you. You’re charging ahead, but you’re avoiding things that are hard emotionally.” Gabrielle looked at her friends, her eyes wide.

“Me next,” Richie burst out, but with a raised eyebrow from me, she smiled, “please.”

I shuffled the cards again and drew out the Three of Swords, Five of Pentacles and The Moon. There was silence.

“Um, hello? Earth to Indigo?” Emilia waved her hand in front of my face.

I looked at her, directly in the eyes, “Emilia, please talk to them. You can’t keep how you feel to yourself. It isn’t good for you.”

Emilia laughed nervously, “What are you talking about? I’m fine.”

“You’re dealing with heartbreak and loneliness, because of a specific person’s death. I know you two were close. You feel insecure because you think everyone else is fine and you feel you can’t be that way, and you’re refusing to take care of yourself as a punishment. You’re lost and you don’t know what this is or how it happened. We don’t know either.”

Jonquil cleared her throat, “Um, chile anyway so…”

“I’m not gonna chase this up, Emilia, but please. It’ll be better if you talk about it. You lost someone close to you,” I started reshuffling the cards, “Who’s next?”

“Me please,” Xavier said.

“Strength (reversed), Ten of Wands and Ace of Swords,” I said as I drew them out, “You’re being patient with those who are taking longer to heal, caring for them while they recover. You understand what others are feeling and you’re adjusting yourself to the environment, but you’re struggling with the emotional baggage you’re carrying for others. You can’t say no.”

“What the fuck,” he whispered.

“Why is this so accurate?” Gabrielle hissed.

I shrugged, “Lydia?”

“Yes please.”

I shuffled the cards once again and drew out The Devil, The Hermit and the Knight of Cups. I began, “You’re looking within yourself to find the truth, and needing solitude to do so. You’re secluding yourself from others as you accept an unwanted situation. Your hopelessness about the present is clouding your memories of the past. You’re being temperamental and overemotional.”

“Is it me now?” Jonquil sat up straighter.

“Yep,” I looked at the cards intensely, feeling her eyes on me. After shuffling, the three cards were displayed. The Tower (reversed), The Emperor and the Knight of Pentacles (reversed). A pang jolted my heart. She was smiling at me, but it wasn’t real.

“Jonquil…” I gulped, “Please don’t hide away. Please don’t shut yourself away. You can’t hide your pain with humour and enthusiasm forever.”

She looked away, her mouth trembling, “Just tell me what the cards say!”

“You’re dealing with such a big change and you don’t know how to handle it. You’ve had or will have a huge emotional outburst. You’re taking a leadership role to disguise the fact you don’t know how to do it. You’re being stubborn and obsessive in a negative thought. You’re hardworking and cautious at the same time,” I finished.

“Jonquil?” Richie had her hand on Jonquil’s shoulder, “Are you okay?”

Jonquil got up suddenly, “I need to sleep.” We heard her sobs as she ran to the bedroom.

“I think that’s enough for tonight,” Gabrielle gave me a death stare.

I felt nauseous and guilty.

You made Jonquil cry.

It was the cards, not me! I was just reading them!

You made her cry.

I got up and took the cards with me, “I’m sorry.” I whispered as I sped out the door. At home, I did a reading for myself. “How do I feel? I don’t even know,” I exhaled. I shuffled them for the last time.

Number one. Ace of Swords.

I’m applying logic and reasoning to a situation I barely know how to handle. I’m trying to be strong for the people I care about.

Number two. Reversed Six of Pentacles.

I don’t have enough resources or knowledge to assess the situation. I don’t have the power to give everyone what they want.

Number three. The Lovers.

I have so much love within me and I’m trying to make connections with the people I care about. I’m establishing my personal beliefs and determining my values as a person. I’m trying to choose between right and wrong. I’m finding out what I care about.

“That sounds right,” I smiled sadly as I packed the cards away and lay on the couch downstairs, soon falling into a deep sleep.


	7. April 9th, 2019

I knocked on the door of House 7. A few moments later, the door opened to Jonquil. She turned away immediately once she saw me and tried to close the door, but I stopped her and said, “Wait, Jonquil!”

She turned back and stared me in the eyes, “What do you want?”

I was taken aback by the tone of her voice. It was angry, menacing and fearful. “I wanted to speak to you,” my hands were trembling a little, fidgeting with each other.

“Go ahead.”

“Can I come in?” I asked tentatively, “Please?”

“Fine,” she turned her back to me as she stalked over to the couch and sat down with a huff.

I sat down next to her, closing the door as I walked in.

Here goes.

“I’m so sorry for the other night.”

“What?” Jonquil looked up at me.

“I said I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset and I feel really, really bad. It’s been on my mind for the whole time and I didn’t want to apologise because I thought you wouldn’t want to see me,” tears starting forming in my eyes, “I never meant to make you cry. I feel so guilty and ashamed that I did that to you. I only wanted to hang out with you guys and join in. I was just reading the cards.”

“No,” she said, her voice indifferent, “I’m sorry.”

“Why- why are you sorry?” I watched her as she put her face in her hands.

Her voice was muffled, but I could understand her, “I really got called out by those fucking cards. They were right. I am feeling like shit and I’m trying to be strong because I don’t know what the fuck’s happening. I can’t stop thinking that it should’ve been me. I should’ve died.”

“No! You shouldn’t have!” I burst out, then blushed, “I mean, I- we need you here, Jonquil. You raise everyone’s spirits and you’re so amazing at everything. We wouldn’t be safe if you weren’t here.” Which was an exaggeration, but I was fumbling with my words.

She chuckled softly, “Y’know, you’re so funny when you do that. Do you get flustered around everyone, or just me?”

My heart beat loudly in my chest, “I do it around a lot of people- not to say that you’re not epic poggers! You are! But I do it around some… other people too.”

She wheezed, “Epic poggers? That’s a new one!” Jonquil regained herself. “I’m glad we talked about this, Indie. I’m so sorry for how I’ve made you feel. I just couldn’t accept I was feeling that way. But I can now. I’m gonna talk with Gabs and Em tonight. And Skinny Lyd. And possibly Zay, but maybe not. He’s a bit gross.”

“Well, I guess I better get going, hey?” I smiled, standing up.

“Wait,” Jonquil stood up and gave me a big bear hug, squeezing me until I thought I was going to explode. She was so strong.

“Th- thanks!” I squeaked, “See ya!”

“Bye In-day!” she grinned, closing the door behind her as I walked out.


	8. April 16th, 2019

“Hey Indigo!”

I looked down from the roof of House 3, having just screwed in one side of a watch post. It was Maddie. “Hey Maddie!” I called back.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Maddie still had her crutches that Jocelyn had found in House 8, “Down here?”

“Sure!” I climbed down the ladder on the side of House 3 and walked over to her, “What’s up, Maddie.”

“Um, I need to show you something in my house, follow me,” Maddie hobbled her way to House 2, where she escorted me in, “Ladies first.”

“What is it?” I sat down at the kitchen table.

Maddie set her crutches aside and rolled up her pant leg. Her ankle was grossly swollen, with purple discolouration. There was a small bone fragment sticking out the back.

“… Jesus, Maddie…” I swallowed, “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I didn’t want to make anyone worried. I’m sorry, Indigo, I thought it was for the best, but it’s really starting to worry me now,” she continued, “I’m having trouble wanting to eat, I’m always too hot or too cold, and I’m even sensitive to light! I feel like I’m a vampire!”

I thought, “Do you have any other symptoms?”

“I feel really nauseous right now… and look at my skin! I’m a frog!” she rolled up her pants to her knees. The skin there was pale and mottled.

“Is it okay if I feel the skin above your ankle?” I grimaced, “I know it sounds weird.”

“No problem, just… be careful. It kinda hurts a lot.”

Her skin was clammy and cold.

“Maddie, I- I think you have blood poisoning. You’ve got sepsis,” I stared at her.

“Is- is that bad? Do we have any medicine for that? Can I-”

I cut her off, “Maddie… sepsis is extremely dangerous. It needs hospital attention.”

“But we can’t go to hospitals anymore,” she suddenly realised, “It’s fatal, isn’t it?”

I nodded, “Your body will probably shut down within twelve hours. I’m surprised you even lasted this long.”

“I’ll be dead by tomorrow,” Maddie looked like she was going to be sick. She was. She quickly got up and threw up in the kitchen sink, heaving.

Suddenly the front door opened. “Hey, Maddie, are you- woah, hell, what’s wrong?!” Maude Reilly said as she walked in, but stopped once she saw Maddie leaning over the sink vomiting.

“Maude, can you get Edie Norris? Tell Polly and Scarlett to go to the Common House,” I said hurriedly.

She nodded, bewildered, and left.

***

“Indigo, I’m not feeling so good,” Maddie said, her face pale.

“Do you need to lie down?” Edie Norris asked, gesturing to the Common House’s couch.

Maddie shook her head, “I’m worried that if I lie down, I might not ever get up again. I feel, pardon my language, like shit.”

“Heck,” McElroy sighed, sitting next to me, “Do you think there’s anything we can do to ease the pain?”

“I don’t know,” I answered, “I only know it’s sepsis because I researched it in Year 7 for a Health task.”

“How long does Maddie have?” Maude Reilly rubbed her nose.

All eyes were on me. “Twelve hours at most. It’s more likely to be less now, how long have you had that discolouration for, Maddie?” I looked at her.

“A couple hours, it was just a rash before. With the bone and swelling.”

“Okay,” I nodded, taking in the information.

“Hey, I have a request. It’s a rather morbid one, and I need Maddie’s permission, but I think it’s important,” Tsubame spoke up for the first time.

“Um, sure,” Maddie said unsurely.

“When Maddie dies, we need to know whether it’s the virus that kills, or the bite,” Tsubame faced Maddie, “We need to know if the dead can resurrect without being bitten.”

“Tsubame, that’s so insensitive! Maddie’s being faced with death and you’re asking her if you can use her dead body? Why-” Tamara began, but Maddie cut her off.

“No, it’s okay Tamara, I’ll be helping you all,” Maddie shifted in her seat, “Besides, I don’t think there could’ve been a way to phrase that sensitively.”

***

“Wow,” Maddie shivered, “It’s really c-cold in here.”

It wasn’t. Maddie was lying on the couch, wrapped in three or so blankets, trembling violently. It wasn’t an easy way to go. We were all sitting around her, like bees crowding a hive. Tsubame, Tamara, Maude Reilly, Edie Norris, Sabrina Chapman and I were there. Everyone else knew it was happening, but couldn’t be there. It was too hard, watching a person die with no way to save or even help them.

“Hey guys, I’m really tired, I think I’m going to sleep now. Make sure there’s cookies when I wake up. They’re really tasty,” Maddie closed her eyes. We all knew it wasn’t sleep that was taking her. It was death.

We waited in suspense. Minutes ticked by. Maddie stopped breathing. Everything was still.

“Is she…?” Maude couldn’t finish.

Tsubame could, “Dead.”

A few more minutes went by. She would’ve resurrected by now.

Tamara, Edie and Maude started to tear up, Sabrina soon following. I found it hard to ignore the familiar lump in my throat. Emilia pulled the sheets over Maddie’s head. Tsubame did nothing, showing no emotion. No care.

We buried Maddie that night.


	9. May 3rd, 2019

I got up early like I usually did, wanting to go for a quick run. I grabbed my knife from the bedside table and quietly tiptoed out of my room and down the stairs. I wrote a note telling Emilia, Tamara and Tsubame I’d gone on a run, then I slipped out the glass back door and trotted down the sandstone steps. As I hopped over the gate, I heard faint crying coming from the huge gum tree overlooking the four trampolines in the Co-Op’s backyard. Or rather, from behind it. It was only just light, the sun having risen above the River Derwent just a few minutes ago.

Why would anyone be up this early?

But then again, I was up this early. I quietly approached closer, tiptoeing across the mossy ground, the spongy stuffs muffling my footfalls. Now I could make out words from the sobbing. “Gianna, I’m sorry sorry I wasn’t there! I miss you so much and I just don’t know how I can keep going!”

It was Emilia Richardson. I recognised her voice, though currently quiet and broken, it still held her boisterous, confident sound, so much like Jonquil’s. I peered around the massive trunk, keeping myself hidden. She was sitting on one of the log benches, her head in her hands and her body shaking, curly light brown hair falling down a little past her shoulders.

“Emilia?” I stepped out from behind the tree.

She gasped and quickly rubbed the tears out of her eyes and exclaimed, “Indigo! What are you doing here?!”

I threw up my hands automatically, “I was just going for a run, I swear! But I heard you and I wanted to make sure you were…” I couldn’t say alright. None of us were ever alright.

“I’m fine,” she said, standing up.

As she started to leave, “You’re not fine. And it’s okay to not be fine.”

“Just leave me alone, Indigo,” Richardson looked at me with puffy, red eyes, narrowed in a menacing way. But I wasn’t scared of her.

“Emilia, let yourself be helped!” I said loudly, startling her, “You can’t hide away your emotions! They’ll just get worse if you don’t let yourself be loved and helped! I know-”

“What do you know?!” she yelled, then began sobbing again, “You don’t know anything about me!”

“I know you’re hurting! I know you loved her!” I walked closer to her, “But you don’t have to be alone!”

Richardson inhaled sharply when I spoke, “What? I didn’t-”

“You can’t lie to me, Emilia, I know that you loved her and she loved you as more than a friend,” I hugged her, “I know what it’s like to love someone you’re not allowed to.”

“What do you mean?” she said, me still hugging her.

“You guys must think I’m stupid, honestly. You think I don’t know that you all know how I feel about Jonquil?” I said, glad that she couldn’t see my face, which was burning red.

She pulled back, “…you like Jonquil?”

I hesitated, “Um, yeah? I thought you guys… already knew that?”

“Holy shit, Indigo, we just thought you were just scared of her for some reason! We had no idea you… had a crush on her…” Richardson widened her eyes.

“Well shit,” I laughed nervously, then grabbed her wrists, panicking, “Please don’t tell anyone! I swear to god, please, I’ll do anything!”

She stepped back, alarmed, “I won’t! Holy shit, Indigo, I had no idea that you were gay! … you are gay, right?”

I nodded, looking at the ground, letting go of her wrists, “Are… are you?”

She shrugged, “Sort of. I’m bi.”

“I thought so,” I took that in, “If I remember the stuff that I heard in Year 7 correctly, you dated Xavier in Year 5, didn’t you?”

She rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what Lydia sees in him, or what I saw. He sucks.”

“There must be something, I guess,” I said, “Lydia’s gotta have a reason.”

“I suppose you’re right,” she agreed. There was a silence.

“Um, if I leave, will you be okay?” I said tentatively.

“I’ll be okay,” Richardson smiled a little, “I never really get to talk to you, Indigo. You’re always so busy. But thanks. I guess I should be glad that I can talk about this stuff with you. Y’know, I’m kind of grateful that Gianna didn’t have to suffer through all this.”

I knew I shouldn’t have told her this, but I did anyway, “She… she was the first one, you know. I tried to stop her from opening the door, but… it was too late. But she didn’t suffer,” I lied. I remembered her terrified face, the tear in her neck gushing blood. And her blank, sea-green eyes.

Emilia’s eyes began to fill with tears, but she sighed, “That’s good… I really loved her, y’know?”

“Yeah,” I hugged her again, “I know.” Then I left her to trot down the backyard, onto the track and began my run.


	10. May 23rd, 2019

Jonquil’s melodrama started and we all went silent. Before the proper performance, we’d made a big, fat board out of planks and painted it black, then propped it up against the wall of the Common House’s patio. A proper stage. Nearly. Suddenly, Jonquil, Emilia Richardson, Aarav, Lydia and Xavier came dancing out from behind it, singing the theme from The Price Is Right. Jonquil was wearing a gold-sequined vest over a silver-sequined shirt, and as the rest of them kept singing, she held out her hand to the front row, high-fiving them as she jogged past.

After that, Jonquil trotted to the third row, where I was sitting. She shuffled along to me and said, “Indigo, my homie!” and held her hand out. I chuckled and high-fived her. She returned to the stage and leaned on the tall box mimicking a podium in the middle. She raised the non-working microphone to her mouth and welcomed us, “Hello and welcome to everyone’s favourite show, Family Fights and Fun! I’ll be your host, Goanna, and let’s meet today’s contestants!”

I laughed quietly, smiling at her. I hadn’t stopped smiling since the performance started. Jonquil swaggered over to the left podium, where Emilia Richardson and Aarav were.

“Hey, y’all! My name’s Alison, and this here is my hubby Wilson,” Emilia said in a Southern USA accent.

Aarav leaned in and said in his Indian accent, “Hello.”

“Well, Wilson, you look like you’ve got a lot to say, anything to add?” Jonquil questioned, grinning.

Aarav pretended to think, “Hello,” he repeated.

We all sniggered, and Jonquil laughed merrily as she asked him, “What are some of your hobbies, Wilson?”

Aarav paused, “I like to… collect shells on the beach.”

“Nice!” Jonquil turned to Richardson, “What about you, Alison?”

“I also like collecting shells on the beach,” Richardson smiled at Aarav, “That’s actually how Wilson and I met!”

“That’s a great love story,” Jonquil spoke to the audience, “But I don’t remember asking.”

We all laughed again, and Jonquil walked over to the right podium, where Lydia and Xavier stood. They both had their hair tied up in one piggy tail on either side of their heads with multicoloured scrunchies and were wearing matching white polo shirts with grey knee-length shorts.

“Alrighty, who do we have here?” Jonquil flashed a grin at the audience.

Lydia leant in very close to the microphone and said slowly, “My name’s Taylor… and this is Tyler… and together…”

“We’re Taylor and Tyler,” Xavier said with her.

“Um, okay,” Jonquil said, “Taylor and Tyler, what are your hobbies?”

“Well,” Lydia thought, “Tyler and I, we’re twins.”

“Yep?” Jonquil raised her eyebrow.

“And we play tennis,” Lydia continued.

“Cool, tennis,” Jonquil commented.

“I’m better than her at tennis,” Xavier said, “On our tennis test, I got a C-, but she got an F.”

“F for fabulous,” Lydia struck a pose.

“Not what that means, but anyway,” Jonquil strutted back to the centre podium, “Get ready, contestants, for the first round, where you’ll be tested on your knowledge of your partner. Ad break!”

She and the rest of them resumed singing and dancing for a couple of seconds. As I was watching, Jonquil looked over at me and smiled, but no one else saw. When they got back to their podiums, Jonquil picked up the microphone again and said loudly, “Welcome back, folks. This round, every correct answer will be awarded five points.” She picked up a palm card from the top of her podium and announced, “First question: when is your partner’s birthday?”

Lydia buzzed her fake buzzer almost immediately. Jonquil looked surprised as she said, “Taylor! Alright!” Jonquil walked over to them as she asked Lydia, “Okay, Taylor. When is Tyler’s birthday?”

“Well,” Lydia began.

“Yeah?” Jonquil encouraged.

“Me and Tyler,” Lydia said slowly, “We’re twins.”

“Uh-huh,” Jonquil rolled her eyes at the audience.

“So that means we have the same birthday,” Lydia nodded.

Jonquil sighed, “That’s right.”

“My birthday,” Lydia paused, “is the 30th of February.”

“Hang on,” Jonquil laughed, “Wait, never mind. Continue.”

“And that means… Tyler’s birthday… is the 31st!” Lydia high-fived Xavier.

“Unfortunately, that is incorrect! I have no idea how you got that wrong,” Jonquil wheezed, “Over to Alison!”

Jonquil skipped over to Richardson and Aarav, “Okay, Alison, when is Wilson’s birthday?”

Richardson smiled widely, “That’s an easy one! Wilson’s birthday is the fourteenth of July!”

“That is correct!” Jonquil cheered, “Five points to Alison and Wilson! Better luck next time, Taylor and Tyler!”

As she made her way back to her middle podium, she looked at me and I gave her a thumbs up. But she turned away, blushing and smiling that smile, and my chest filled with butterflies. I felt someone poke me from the side, so I turned, and it was McElroy.

“What?!” I hissed quietly.

Emilia smirked, “She didn’t mean for you to see her looking.”

“It was nothing,” I blushed, “Sometimes I accidentally look at people. Anyway, shh, I don’t want to miss it.”

Emilia turned back to face the stage with a smug grin on her face. Jonquil was onto reading out the second question, “Second question, folks: what is your partner’s favourite body part?”

Before Jonquil had even finished speaking, Aarav slammed his hand down on his fake buzzer.

“Wilson!” Jonquil returned to the left podium, “What is Alison’s favourite body part?”

Aarav leaned in close again and said, “Wenis.”

The audience, me included, started roaring with laughter, and even Jonquil collapsed laughing, holding herself up on the left podium.

“Eh?” Aarav looked confused, then a look of realisation came across his face, “Oh, no, wuh, wenis. It’s the skin of the elbow!”

After she stopped laughing, Jonquil stood upright again and said, “That is actually correct! Another five points to Alison and Wilson!”

“Dang it,” Lydia said quietly, but loud enough so that we could hear, “Now they’ve got nine points!”

“I think you’ll find we’ve got ten, actually,” Richardson corrected.

“Oh no!” Lydia panicked.

The rest of the performance continued, with Jonquil running back and forth, spewing silly lines here and there. At the end, they all took a big bow, and Jonquil winked at me. Emilia nudged me again. “Why does she keep doing that to you?!” she hissed.

Should you tell her?

She might not understand.

She’s your best friend. She would.

“She just does that,” I said, “You should know, you’ve known her since Prep.”

Emilia stood up, “It’s our performance now.”

We performed our melodrama, a thrilling tale of a maiden and her sister trying to escape their evil mum. At the end, Jonquil stood up and clapped extremely hard, as did Maude Cotton and Sabrina Turner.


	11. June 3rd, 2019

I knocked on the door of House 5 three times. “Coming!” I heard Hayley say wearily from upstairs. There were several thumping noises as she ran down the stairs. The door opened with a creak and Hayley stood there, her unbrushed brown hair clumped like vine tendrils resting just below her shoulders, wearing a navy-blue dressing gown and arms folded, “What do you need?”

“Oh, I don’t need anything, there’s just a meeting at the Common House in about thirty minutes, if you guys wanted to come,” I said, referring to Gemma, Louis, Sabrina Turner and Kathy.

“Ah, yeah sure,” she replied, “I’ll be there, so will Gemma. The others are scavenging today.”

I nodded, then she closed the door. I sighed. I’d purposely left House 7 until last, because that was where Jonquil lived, along with Gabrielle, Lydia, Xavier and Emilia Richardson. I shook myself. She was only a person. The person I had liked for a whole year. Yeesh. I cleared my throat. Then I half-skipped across the pavement of the patio, bubbling with fear and excitement. As I got to the door, from inside I heard loud arguing. “You realise how bad this is?!”

“Jonquil, I don’t know what to do! I can’t tell Indigo!”

“Lydia, fuck, you’re too young! It could fucking kill you!”

“We have a nurse!”

“Edie is not a nurse!”

I opened the door without knocking, “Hey, is everything alright?”

Lydia flinched as I peered in. She stood next to Xavier, half crying. Jonquil looked scared but angry, “It’s- it’s fine. It was just a stupid argument,” she said.

I raised my eyebrow, “Are you sure?”

Xavier inhaled, “Yeah, yeah it’s fine. C’mon Lyddie. Let’s go and calm down.”

Lydia nodded and held his hand as he led her from the room. Jonquil wiped her brow and let out a long breath. “You cool?” I asked tentatively, avoiding eye contact.

“Yeah,” she replied and coughed once, clearing her throat, “Is there anything else?”

“Um, yes, ah yeah,” I stumbled, “Meeting in half an hour, who’s coming?”

“Well, I don’t think Skinny Lyd and Zay are up for it, so I’ll go, and Gabs and Richie’ll be here soon. They were feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs.”

There was an awkward silence. “Um, so yeah,” I said to break it, “Is it okay if I check on those guys? I just want to see if they’re okay.”

She glanced at the doorway of their room. She sighed, “Sure, but don’t be, how do I say this, interrogative?”

I replied seriously, “Of course I won’t. I’ll be nice.”

She smiled at me, then said, “I’ll wait in the kitchen.”

I knocked on their bedroom door. There was a rustling sound and the door opened to Xavier. “Can I come in?” I asked cautiously.

“Indigo, um, it’s not the best time.” He kept the door only wide enough to see his face.

“Xavier, please. I need to know if something’s wrong,” I reasoned passively.

He sighed. “Okay. Please- please don’t upset her anymore.”

“I won’t.”

He looked back at Lydia, wanting to comfort her, but then he closed the door as he walked out. We were alone. She’d been crying a lot. Lydia sat on the bed, looking up at me with red, puffy eyes swimming in tears. I quickly sat next to her and held her hand, “Lydia, are you okay? What happened?”

She looked at me, drew in a rattly breath, and burst into tears, her entire body shuddering. “Hey, it’s okay,” I said calmly, “It’s okay, Lydia. Just tell me. I promise I won’t be angry, whatever it is.” But from the moment I heard Jonquil say what she said, I knew.

“I- I- I can’t,” she sobbed and trembled, “I- I- I-.”

“Just breathe, it’s okay,” I leant in to give her a consoling hug, “It’s okay.”

After a moment I sat back. She had stopped crying, which was good. Her dull, grey-brown hair was a mess and she looked like she hadn’t slept.

“You don’t need to tell me what it is, Lydia,” I gave in, “I already know.”

She looked at me, pale blue eyes spilling, “You do?”

I nodded. I found out that day that Lydia was pregnant. “Lydia,” I exhaled, “You’re thirteen. I don’t know what to expect, but I’m going to try and help you, and I’ll… study my books, I guess. And when it… when you have your kid, we’ll all help. I’ll help protect it and all of you… sorry that was really cringy.”

She began to sob again, and threw her arms around me, “Indigo, I’m so scared! I’m not ready to have a baby! I’m too young!”

I hugged her back, “I’m scared too, all the time. Y’know, I, um…”

She pulled back, looking at me, her cheeks stained with tears, “Huh?”

I shook my head, “Never mind.” She didn’t need to know that I was an emotional wreck like her. At least she could show it. “Does anyone else know?”

“Only Zay and Jonquil, that’s all,” she wiped her face with her hands, sniffing, “Are you angry with me?”

“No, I’m not in the least angry,” I gulped, “I’m just scared.”

“Indigo, I don’t know what to do! I have Zay, and he seems fine, but I’m scared that he’s going to hate me eventually, and Jonquil already hates-”

“Hey, Jonquil doesn’t hate you!” I said incredulously, “Not at all! She was just scared, and her way of showing it is getting angry.”

“How do you know? You’re not even around her most of the time!” Lydia yelled.

I startled, “I- I’m sorry Lydia-”

“No, no, I’m sorry,” she rubbed her eyes and breathed in and out before speaking again, “I know you take notice of her more often than most people here.”

“What? No, I take notice of everyone!” my cheeks flushed red, then I suddenly remembered about the meeting, “There’s a meeting in about twenty-five minutes at the Common House. You should come. Xavier too.”

“Are you going to tell them?”

“Do you want me to?”

“No?”

“Then I won’t,” and I gave her another hug, “Try and calm down, okay? We don’t want you to be crying at the meeting.”

She agreed. As soon as I opened the door, Xavier came and sat down next to her, putting his arm around her shoulders.

I walked out into the kitchen of House 7, where Jonquil stood, leaning against the fake, cracked marble bench. “Did you find out?” she questioned apprehensively, moving towards me.

“Yeah, I don’t know what to do,” I said truthfully, feeling rattled and giddy. We were close together, her looking at me with her dark brown eyes, so dark they were almost black. I looked back into them. It felt weird. Tense. I wanted to move but I couldn’t. She moved even closer, her face inches away from mine. Then she moved her hand to my face, stroking my cheek slowly. My chest tightened, making it hard to breathe. What in the frick-frack stick-stack plickity-plack is happening?! Am I dreaming?! Jonquil didn’t smile. Her face had no expression. I wanted to speak but I couldn’t. We were almost the same height, but I was just a tiny bit taller. She took her hand off my cheek, keeping her gaze steady. With it, she slowly reached down and took my hand in hers. Her skin was cold, like always. She began to lean forward, but suddenly the door burst open.

“Hey J, I’m back- Indigo…?” Gabrielle came through the front door, then stopped, looking at Jonquil and I.

The silence closed in because we didn’t know what to say to each other, Gabrielle staring at us apprehensively.

“Um, see you, Indigo,” Jonquil looked quickly at me, letting go of my hand, then at Gabrielle, then pushed past me and ran-walk into her room.

I looked at Gabrielle, stunned, “Uh, what just happened?”

“Was she about to kiss you?” Gabrielle looked at the door of Jonquil’s bedroom, then at me.

“I- I don’t know…” I shook myself, “Fuck, that was so weird.”

Gabrielle paced across to the other side of the living room, “Do you want me to talk to her?”

“Um, no, it’s fine,” I said. What. The fuck. Just happened.

I walked out the door, looking back every few seconds. Jonquil was about to fucking kiss you! That was so out of character for her! I mean, she might not have been… no, she held your hand, idiot!

I walked to the Common House, where McElroy was cleaning by herself. “Emilia, something very weird just happened,” I slapped my hands on the bench.

“Mm?” she looked up from beneath the sink, then cocked her head to the side, “Why are your cheeks so red?”

“Aha, well-” I began to say, but she cut me off.

“Something happened with Jonquil, didn’t it? Did she ask you out?!” Emilia rambled excitedly.

“No, she just like, stood in front of me, and then she put her hand on my face, then she held my hand, but then Gabrielle came in and Jonquil ran away to her room,” I flustered, “Gabrielle asked if she was about to kiss me!”

“Do you think she was?” Emilia asked.

“I don’t know! Maybe?!” I panicked, “Ah, what if it gets awkward every time, I see her now?!”

“Indigo, calm down,” Emilia shook her head, “You know Jonquil’s not like that.”

“Bah, you’re right,” I sighed, “I’ll see you in about half an hour.”

“Bye, dude,” Emilia said, grinning.

“Full of fear, she’s outta here,” I said, pushing myself out the Common House door.

***

People were beginning to arrive as I lit the candles of the Common House, dusk falling slowly. I could see through the glass sliding doors, Maddie still needed the wooden crutch. She was limping beside Polly, Maude Reilly, Maude Cotton, Scarlett and Rae. Ding! The small bell on the door rang as Emilia, Tamara and Tsubame walked in, one after the other. “My dudes!” I exclaimed.

Tamara smirked, “Bruh, look at this dude!”

“Look at the top of his head!” Emilia countered, chuckling.

“You guys are obsessed!” Tsubame shook her head, still grinning.

“Omg, it’s the best line I’m in love with it,” Tamara smirked.

Almost everyone was here now, we were just waiting for Jonquil, Lydia, Xavier, Emilia Richardson and Gabrielle. They were walking, almost to the MUHR. Jonquil, Emilia and Gabrielle were a bit behind talking and laughing, a bit like they used to. Lydia and Xavier passed through the door and they both waved, if a little weakly, to me.

Jonquil was the last one in the door and as she turned from closing it, she exclaimed, “And I oop-!”

There were odd chuckles all around the room.

She avoided my gaze, staring determinedly ahead of her to where she sat down.

“Okay, everyone!” I called, looking back to the table, “Time to begin!” They shuffled into their seats and we commenced the meeting with the names of the people we had lost. Everyone saying the names of their lost friends and family. Surprisingly, I had fewer people to say before we finished, most of my friends were still alive. We finished with silence to honour our Quaker school. It used to be disliked, mocked, even hated. But now the silence was our friend because it meant no one was dying, no shells were near. God, that’s cringe, isn’t it?

“Okay,” I said, causing everyone to look up, “Today I’ve called this meeting to discuss some problems. Before we begin, are there any announcements?”

I scanned the room, looking for hands. I focussed on Tamara, whose cheeks were getting redder. I’d been keeping track on my calendar, today was the first of June. Tamara’s birthday was in six days. “Well, I have one!” I said, “Tamara’s birthday is in six days! She will be a twelvie no more!”

Tamara grunted in embarrassment, her face in her hands.

“I’ve decided we’ll have a party, play some music, eat food. I’ll need people to come with me to get food, of course. Tell me after if you want to. Also, anyone who wants to rock out. Practice will be tomorrow, and until the seventh.”

We went on discussing stuff like food and space for a while, then finally the meeting concluded, and we left. The people who wanted to be in a band were Hayley (of course), Edie Buckner, Emilia McElroy and Roger. The song we chose was I Want You Back by the Jackson Five. It was decided that I would play the piano and sing as Marlon Jackson, Hayley would be Michael Jackson and Edie would be Tito Jackson. Emilia would do some back-up vocals and also play the electric guitar, while Roger would do the drumming.


	12. June 7th, 2019

I woke up quite early before the sun had even risen. The loud snoring from next door told me that my friends were still sleeping. I tiptoed out of my room, not turning any lights on, and walked into what had once been Isaiah’s room. Tamara was sprawled out on her trundle, all limbs splayed like a starfish. Her hair was covering her face, but every time she breathed out, the blonde strands would levitate on her breath. Emilia, however, was curled up in a tight ball, the blankets covering her face and everything else. The only way you could tell it was her was because Tamara was on a mattress lower than her bed. “Em!” I whispered to her, poking her, “Wake up!”

“Eh,” she grumbled, muffled by the sheets, “Why?”

“It’s Tamara’s birthday!” I said, “Get up, dinkle!”

She gasped so loudly that I thought it might wake up Tamara, but it only served to make her roll over. Emilia whipped off her doona and jumped up.

Then the two of us went to the next room to rouse Tsubame. We were able to get downstairs quietly enough, as we knew which stairs creaked and which didn’t. We set up the streamers that we’d taken from Woollies a few weeks back without Tamara’s knowledge, threading them across the hanging useless light bulbs. Then I opened the lower cabinet drawers and pulled out three packets of assorted lollies. Obviously, we couldn’t make a cake, so we ended up making lolly kebabs on skewers. That was the good thing about lollies. They were so processed that their expiry date was two years from now!

But then we heard creaking from the stairs again. “What are you guys doing up so early?” Tamara mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

“Shit!” I hissed, “Nothing, Tamara! Go back to bed!” I said as I ‘escorted’ her back to the room (I had to drag her by the arm).

I guess she was really tired as we didn’t run into her until well after the sun had risen. By then, we’d made enough kebabs for everyone, and although the bigger celebrations would be later, we thought we’d get to see Tamara on her first day of being a teenager.

***

It was nearly dusk when we all met up in the MUHR. We’d been monitoring the movements of the city hordes for weeks and a gradual northern migration had been happening, away from us. That was why I had decided to allow the music at the last meeting. Previous to the gathering, Hayley, Edie, Emilia, Roger and I had, with trouble, moved all the heavy instruments into the spacious courtyard. The piano was in place, as were the drums, and I’d even found a way to get the microphones working with batteries.

As we began playing, Tamara began to blush. I don’t think anyone had ever made such a big deal about her birthdays before. When we reached the chorus, Jonquil shouted out, “Come on everyone! Let’s dance!”

Evidently, because she was the best dancer, people were reluctant at first, but then Polly stood up and said, “Hell, yes! Let’s get it on, J Dog!”

Gabriel added, “Come on guys! We’re not going to get many chances to have this kind of fun for quite a while!”

The dancing began in earnest then, but as the song began to draw to its close, I had an idea. we would play I’ll Be Yours by Lincoln Mackinnon, me and Emilia playing the guitar, Roger drumming and me singing. I chose that song because 1. I knew it already, and 2. It had many lines that I found relatable (plus the fact that it was the seventh song in the great album Sparks Will Fly). After all, what use would only one song be? After ending I Want You Back, I conferred this to my ‘band’ members. I only needed Roger and Emilia, as it had drums, guitar and I could play guitar too and sing the main. “Alright everyone,” I called out, all jittery and nervous because I knew everyone was watching. But I did it for Jonquil. “We’re gonna play I’ll Be Yours by Lincoln Mackinnon, you can join in at the chorus if you know it. Or work it out as we go, ‘cause it’s quite easy.”

“Yeah, In-day!” Jonquil called, winking.

“Let’s go, guys!” Kathy cheered.

I silently squealed in my throat. Jonquil used to call me that a lot. I took a deep breath and began.

“I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine. I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road, and we’ll both drink wine.”

Roger began drumming a basic four beat thump of the kick drum.

“Hey, little girl, I’ve got you on my mind, got you on my mind, got you on my mind. I’ll be dreamin’ of your long brown hair, of that long brown hair, and your lonely stare. Can’t you hear me, I’ve been callin’ your name, all around town, I’ve been callin’ your name. I’ll be callin’, ‘til I’m black and blue, and I’m black and blue and I’m all for you. Come on now!”

We all sang and some from our audience did too, “I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine. I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road and we’ll both drink wine!”

“Hey, pretty baby, don’t you know my name? Don’t you know my name? Don’t you know my name? Won’t you meet me at that old town bar, a little after dark, at that old town bar! I’ll be fallin’, and I won’t slow down, no I won’t slow down, no I won’t slow down! I’ll be fallin’, ‘til I fall into, ‘til I fall into, if it all falls through! Come on now!”

More people sang it this time, but I noticed Jonquil wasn’t. I’d never heard her sing.

“I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road, and we’ll both drink wine! Come one now! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road and we’ll both drink wine!”

“Oh, yeah! I’ll be drinking with my friends, drinking with my friends, my friends! Yeah! I’ll be drinking with my friends, drinking with my friends, my friends! I’ll be drinking with my friends, drinking with my friends, my friends!”

“A one, two, three, four!”

I saw Jonquil’s mouth open, and I heard her voice as she finally joined in, singing loud and clear, “I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road, and we’ll both drink wine! Come on now! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine, if you’ll be mine! I’ll be yours, if you’ll be mine, and I’ll meet you on the high road and we’ll both drink wine!”

And as Emilia and I did the final strum on our guitars, the yard filled with cheers and claps, all the people who didn’t understand what it meant to me. The first person I looked at was her. She gave me a big thumbs up and smiled that smile I knew her so well by. Then she quickly turned away, her face reddening. I was extremely confused. She was the confident one. My heart fluttered. I pushed the thought aside. Of course, she didn’t.

That night Tamara Jones had the best birthday of her life, she told me, but she would never have that again. She would only have twelve days of being a teenager. After that, she would be food for the worms, like so many other people.


	13. June 19th, 2019

“If you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you,” I sang quietly as I kept watch, sitting on a homemade pillow on the roof of House 3, “Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue.”

I shivered, as winter had come cold and hard this year, and the wind was whistling through my wiry hair. Even though I was wearing a woolly thermal long sleeve, a squirrel-patterned wool sweater and a thick, striped hoodie with the hood down, not covering my ears, and leggings underneath polar fleece pants, I was still freezing so I had brought my hot water bottle, a lantern and a blanket as my shift was late. My shift partner was Elizabeth, from House 10. I resumed humming while I waited for her because I’d come a little earlier.

We’d run out of coffee last night, which was bad, because that was the thing that kept us awake. It might not seem like a big deal, but when you have to watch for a whole night, you bloody need it.

“If you feel broken, promise I won’t break your heart, if you shatter, I won’t let you fall apart,” I finished. I always loved Sports by Beach Bunny. I then peered over my shoulder and I saw the other watch posts. On House 5 and House 6, the watch people were McElroy, and Sabrina T, of House 5. On House 9, the watch posts were Roger, House 3, and Lydia and Xavier, from House 7. Xavier’s left arm was wrapped around Lydia’s shoulders. At least they were warm.

I startled as I heard the rattling of the rickety ladder. Elizabeth was here at last. I leaned over the side to watch her start to climb the ladder, where I saw the top of her head. But her hair was different. Instead of black and shoulder-length, I saw a light blonde, streaked with gold, braided half-way down her back. It was then that I realised it wasn’t Elizabeth. It was Jonquil. And she was wearing the hoodie that I gave her.

I quickly looked away, my heart pounding.

Why is she here?

I resumed humming. “Why are we so complicated? Maybe love is overrated…”

“That’s a nice song,” Jonquil smiled weakly. She looked very tired and oddly rushed, “what’s it called?”

I pretended to be surprised, and said to her, “Oof, you scared me! It’s called Sports by Beach Bunny. I thought Elizabeth was coming?”

Jonquil brushed her forehead with her eyebrows raised and replied, “Oh, um, she’s just not feeling very well at the moment.”

“Okie dokie,” I said, “So, you’re here to be my watch partner?”

She nodded. But I wondered.

If Elizabeth was feeling unwell, she didn’t show it at all today.

And why didn’t she choose someone from her own house to replace her? Why Jonquil?

I was torn by feeling so excited that she was here and feeling kind of scared about what she might ask. She was very unpredictable.

We sat in silence for a moment, admiring the beautiful sunset that was fading over kunanyi. The colours of the day, grey, blue and white had momentarily shifted into glorious rich pink, salmon, orange, yellow and a deep mauve colour, which would then fade into darker blue, then black as the night set in. I lit the candle of the lantern, as every other watch post was, and it made a yellow glow in the darkness. We barely saw any shells, only couplings and loners. Most of them were probably concentrated in the city.

“Um, have you had a good day?” I asked Jonquil after a long pause.

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” she replied, still looking out into the dark. I studied her face from the side, the way the candlelight reflected off her sparkling eyes, the sunny-blonde colour of her long hair, braided into two Dutch braids. Jocelyn’s work. They were snaking down her back, half-way down her back. She had pulled the sleeves of what was once my jumper over her hands, trying to warm them. Her ears were slightly elf-shaped, pointed ever so slightly at the top. She had a tiny patch of freckles across her nose area, but they were nearly camouflaged by her tanned skin.

“That’s good,” I said, looking back out into the darkness. It was a clear night, no clouds obscuring the sky, nor any shell sounds. All that could be heard was the faint rustling of the gum leaves and the almost silent sounds of Jonquil’s breathing. I looked up into the sky, looking at all the stars, so numerous, like the sandy beaches. I was able to spot the four bright stars that made up the Southern Cross, and the smaller one just to the right. The stars, that were millions of light years away, seemed to wink maliciously at me, teasing me for the terribleness of our situation.

I glanced quickly back at Jonquil through the corner of my eye. Her face was leaning on her hands and her eyelids had started to close. As I had said, at least one of the two or three watch posts had to be awake at one time. But I wasn’t feeling that tired, so I said to her, “Hey Jonquil? You look, like, really tired, so do you want to have a rest while I watch? I’m not feeling that tired, and I brought this blanket and pillow just in case one of us was.”

“You know what? I am literally so dead, that would be so good. Can I?” she replied. She was trying not to look at me for some reason. I felt my heart flutter again.

I nodded, smiled and said, “Of course, that’s why there’s two of us.”

She leant back against the planks of the watch platform and tugged the blanket higher up. The blanket was large, so we shared it. I felt her slowly start to doze off and her head drooped. It wasn’t so cold anymore, now that she was next to me. The blanket was very woolly and thick. Her head was nearly touching her knees now, so I carefully moved her head up and back onto the planks. But her head slowly fell sideways, on to me. My eyes widened and I tensed up like a cat, not because I didn’t like it, but because I was just not the type of person who expected physical contact with other human beings. I squeaked, “Umm, Jonquil? Are you awake?” Then I chuckled, “Of course, you’re not, what am I thinking?” I was a little nervous at first, but then I put my arm around her. It was peaceful. So, there we were, me sitting up, alert, with my right arm around a sleeping Jonquil whose head was rested on my shoulder.

In her sleep, Jonquil suddenly murmured, “Elizabeth! I- watch instead! Just-” she shifted her head on my shoulder, but she stopped talking.

I looked at her, eyebrows raised.

Did she ask Elizabeth not to come?

A million thoughts were racing through my head. Just as she finished those words, a loud crack sounded from over at watch post 3 on Houses 5 and 6. It woke Jonquil up and she jerked her head off me and looked at me wildly with total confusion. I looked back at her with wide eyes. I had no idea what was going on.

But then Emilia called, laughing, and said, “Lol, sorry guys! I just cracked the bit of plastic hanging off the edge! No cause for alarm!” she finished giggling with Sabrina Turner roaring with laughter. My eyes crinkled up and my face broke out in a wide smile as I began to laugh, because I saw Jonquil’s expression and she looked so out of it.

“Eh?” she mumbled. That made me laugh even more.

“It’s okay,” I said, “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Is your arm around me?!” Jonquil looked behind her.

I whipped my arm back to my side, blushing furiously, my heart pounding.

She looked back at me, smiling with her eyes closed because she was so tired, “Can you put it back?”

I beamed and did as she asked. She sighed, and then she literally just fell back asleep on the plank, her head again falling back on my shoulders. The night looked clear and peaceful; no dead were roaming. All was quiet.

What the fuck just happened?!

I couldn’t breathe properly. After a while, my heartbeat slowed down and I started to feel tired, but I had to stay awake. Even so, I felt my eyes begin to close, felt the warmth of Jonquil next to me, the softness of the blanket, heard only her breathing next to me. I pulled the blanket back upon Jonquil and I and I placed my head next to hers and my eyes closed, the dark night fading to black. But I shouldn’t have done that, because at least one watch post has to be awake at a time, I stated that. Ten people died that night. Because of me.


	14. June 20th, 2019

“Indigo! Indigo! Wake up!”

I was roughly shaken awake by Jonquil, and she looked terrified. Something was wrong, something had happened. Panic and fear spread like a creeping plant around my body, adrenaline rushing through my systems.

“What?! What is it, Jonquil?!” I urged, “What’s happening?!”

“Indigo, there’s been a breach, I don’t know how, but it’s a bloodbath down there!”

“I need to get down there!” I started to get up and raced towards the ladder.

But Jonquil grabbed my shoulder, pulled me back and hissed at me, “No! Indigo, some of our people have been killed! It’s not safe!”

“If I don’t do something, we’ll all die!” I crawled to the bucket that contained weapons and pulled out a machete. I also had a silver dagger in my pocket, so I turned around and commanded Jonquil, “Get the crossbow and shoot some from up here, while I go and find where, and if, the others are. It’s not safe for you down there.”

“So, I’m not good enough, huh? Of course, I’ll never be as good as you!” Jonquil said indignantly, “No, I’ll just stay here and shoot a crossbow!”

I was completely surprised by the fact that she reacted this way, and I was hurt that she thought that I thought she wasn’t good. Of course, she was. She was Jonquil.

“What? No! No, no, no! Jonquil, you’re an amazing fighter and I really wish you could, but I need you up here! Your job is to shoot them from up here so that I don’t die too! I don’t want to lose any more than I have to, and especially not you! I-” but then I stopped. She was strangely quiet and looking down the ladder. A couple of tears descended down her tanned face. I turned around, and I halted. A girl was scraping at the side of the wall, her eyes glassy and sightless. At the base of her neck, her skin had been slashed open in a big, wide, red smile and whenever she moaned, blood gushed like a thick, dark waterfall down on her grey, star patterned shirt. Her black, shiny hair fell barely below her shoulder blades and her broken teeth were stained with scarlet. Elizabeth pawed the blue corrugated iron with her fingers, weakly tapping it with her cracked nails.

“It’s my fault… it’s my fault she’s dead…”

I slowly turned around and Jonquil looked back at me, “It’s my fault,” she said, looking at me with her hands trembling. I already knew how, but I still asked, “How is it your fault? Jonquil, how?”

“I made her stay home so I could come instead… if I’d hadn’t come, it’d be me down there, scraping the wall,” she murmured in disbelief, “It’s my fault she’s dead!”

“Jonquil,” I walked up to her, “If that’d been you, I wouldn’t be able to be a leader anymore. You are one of our best fighters… and… you… well, we couldn’t do without you.” I reached over and gave her a small and quick hug, then I disappeared down the ladder, out of sight.

As the dagger sliced up through Elizabeth’s skull, I heard sobbing coming from the roof. Elizabeth had been her oldest (but not best) friend from school. I had to ignore Jonquil, it upset me to hear someone who was usually so happy so sad. I removed the blade from her and crept around the back of House 4. No one was there so I peered around the corner. A gathering of the dead was met in the courtyard, and I saw many of them had deep slits in their throats, just as Elizabeth had. This was a massacre. I was just about to kill the nearest one, but a cold hand grabbed my shoulder from behind. I whipped around, and Tamara was there. She too had the crimson smile drawn across her throat. Her cornflower blue eyes had faded to a cloudy grey, and they did not see. But she did not attack. She stared at me for a while, and I really didn’t know what to do, because the undead attacked living things. Obviously, I was living. So, what was she doing? But then Tamara stumbled forward and moaned. Blood came trickling out of the red slit that had been sliced into her skin. I didn’t speak, but in my head, I was frantically thinking, “No, no, no, no! Not Tamara, no! Tamara, oh god, not Tamara!”

But she still did not attack. She then began to drag her feet past and as she turned her back on me, I kicked her in the back of the knees, so she fell, and then I drove the dagger upward in the base of her head. As Tamara Jones collapsed on the soil of House 4, tears rolled down my cheek, and I wiped them away with the bloodstained sleeve of my jumper. Tamara was the first friend I ever made in High School. She approached me when no one else would. She was the reason I met Emilia McElroy. Without her, it would have just been me and Jamie. But now Tamara was dead. So was Jamie. Again, I realised how many people were taken.

I never expected Tamara to die. Of course, it seemed stupid, because she was the only one left of our friend group that didn’t prepare. But she was always so careful. And funny. You could always guarantee Tamara to make you laugh.

I left her body there, because we would bury her later, like the others. I peered around once more, and again saw the cluster of the dead. The one that I had targeted before was still the closest, and I silently killed it and dragged the corpse back to where the cold body of Tamara was. Another talon clawed my heart as I recognised the face. It was Maude Reilly. She too had been in my homegroup. All that seemed so long ago, but it had been in March, barely three months ago.

There were now eight dead crowded in the centre, most of them girls. My face twitched as it always did when I tried not to cry. I couldn’t let my emotions prevent what had to be done. I could see many of the group in that centre gathering. In fact, all of them were ours. Most of them had been killed as Elizabeth, Tamara and Maude had, but some bore no straight up obvious causes to their demise. Bites were evident though, as a few were bleeding out onto the pavement. I could see Kathy, Maera, Louis, Edie Buckner, Leticia, Jacques and Scarlett. God damn it. Leticia, Edie and Maera had been primary athletes. Scarlett was the kindest person I’d ever met. She called everyone, “best friend”. One time in Physical Education, she had stolen my laptop and recorded a message to McElroy. It’d been lost like everything else, but the message went something like this: “Hi Emilia, I’m your best friend, see you at lunchtime, here’s uh Bridget, my second-best friend (don’t tell her that), uh, bye!” It made me laugh every time I’d thought of it.

Gemma, Hayley and Sabrina Turner would be distraught. Louis and Kathy had been their friends since before I came, from when they were in Prep at least. Jeannie had been gone months before, that had left a hole in their friendship. Now Louis and Kathy were gone, half of their original group was taken by death.

I heard a faint click and whoosh as a bolt was loosened from Jonquil’s crossbow, skewering Edie through the back of the head. The body crumpled and the rest turned to face the direction of the thump that had knocked another of the shells over. They began to stumble towards the post where Jonquil, who was up busy reloading the crossbow, was.

I had to try and kill the rest of them. Eight dead. I couldn’t believe it. I kicked the shell that had been Leticia in the back of the knees, causing it to fall, then swung the machete around and drove it into its skull. It collapsed on the ground, leaking blood from the wound as I retrieved the blade. The other shells somehow didn’t notice. I did the same thing to Scarlett and Jacques before the other shells turned around, looking for the source of the disturbance. Another bolt pierced Louis’s skull and he dropped.

Now there were only three shells.

Wait.

Three.

There should only be two.

Maera and Kathy. And Tsubame. I hadn’t seen her before. She suddenly turned around and stabbed Kathy in the throat, the blade protruding out the front. Then she shoved Maera to the ground and cut into the back of her neck, severing the spinal cord, preventing her from moving. Tsubame faced me, “Did you see that?”

“Tsubame… what have you done?” I said, horrified, “Did… did you kill them?”

Tsubame’s face darkened, the manic grin changed to a hideous snarl and her fingers clenched the knife tighter. In the corner of my eye, I saw Jonquil climb down the ladder and begin to walk over to Emilia Richardson, who was cowering on the doorstep of House 8. “I said, did you see that?” Tsubame repeated, “They didn’t attack me! But they had been killed! You saw how they left you as well! We are immune to the virus, Indigo, you and I, though I do admit you are the only natural one. Only you and I in this group that I know of. Yes, I killed them. You saved them when they would have died, and I fixed that. You should be thanking me.”

“You… you killed all these people, Tsubame. When I saved the people who would have been affected by… your disease, you slit their throats. Murdered them in cold blood. For what? To rid the world of weak people? You’ve gotten rid of strong people! You are out of control!” I yelled.

But Tsubame snickered, “Oh yes, I’m out of control. But you are too much in control. You’ve surrounded yourself in weakness, allowed yourself to fall for one. You’re weaker than I thought you were. And I know your weakness. You’d do anything to save her, wouldn’t you?” and then she knelt down and cut Maera’s growling head away from her body. Jonquil began to creep up behind Tsubame, intending to kill her. I tried to tell her no, but she silently shook her head and kept on going.

Tsubame left Maera’s snarling head on the ground as she stood up. But suddenly she whirled around and grabbed Jonquil by her shirt and dragged her to her knees in front of her, “Indigo! Help me! Let go of me, Tsubame, you fucking bitch!” Jonquil yelled.

“Shut up!” Tsubame hissed and she pressed the knife against Jonquil’s throat.

“No!” I stepped forward, “Tsubame, stop! Please don’t hurt her!”

“Stay back!” she commanded. “We need to exterminate the inferior race. They pollute the bloodline and burden our superiority! We, you and I Indigo, are the supreme race! I modified the infectant to only affect the weak, the inferior… the poison of humanity.” A crowd of my people had gathered on the outside of the courtyard, many of them crying and shaking. Lydia stood with Xavier behind Tsubame, a kitchen knife grasped in her hand. I raised my hand slightly, indicating to not attack, just yet. Jonquil and Lydia were best friends after all.

Tsubame then reached down and picked up Maera’s head by the hair, holding it dangerously close to Jonquil’s arm. She threw the knife down, intending to let Maera’s head bite Jonquil. But I lunged forward, caught it in both my hands and yelled out, “Lydia, do it!”

A deafening scream was heard as the blade of Lydia’s machete pierced Tsubame’s back. She let go of Jonquil, who fell back onto the pavement, badly grazing her elbows. “Indigo!” Tsubame roared, slumped on the ground, “We could have had it all! We could have ruled everything! What have you done?!”

“God, you sound like a fucking Disney villain!” I bellowed, “What is wrong with you, I thought you were my friend! Why did you kill Tamara?! Why did you kill one of your best friends?!”

“Because she got in the way,” Tsubame said, not a hint of regret on her cold face, “She wasn’t meant to die, but she saw, so I killed her.”

McElroy, who stood next to Sabrina T was trembling with rage and grief.

“I’m going to have to kill you, Tsubame,” I said, my voice shaking, “You… you deserve it!”

“Then you’re as bad as me, Indigo,” she sneered.

I gritted my teeth to stop myself from killing her right then and there, “I will never be as bad as you.”

But just then Tsubame began to laugh hysterically, “You’re going to suffer when she is decaying right in front of your eyes! And you can’t do anything to save her! There’s no cure that I know of!”

“No, Tsubame, what do you mean?!” I panicked.

“Look behind you,” Tsubame menaced.

I slowly turned around, and Jonquil had crawled against a small tree. “No! No, no! Tsubame what have you done!” I said, terrified. Jonquil looked at me with wide eyes and said with shuddering breaths, “I- Indigo...” and she held up her shaking right arm. The fabric of her jumper was torn across her forearm, and blood seeped out of the deep bite in her arm.

“No!” I whispered, tears forming in the corners of my eyes, “No! No! No!” then I turned to face Tsubame, who was collapsed on the ground, cackling madly, “Your stupid immunity won’t save you now!” and I rushed at her, my silver dagger clasped in my right hand, and I plunged it into her forehead. The cackling ceased immediately, and blood ran down her face into her eyes that had rolled back into her skull, off the tip of her nose and pooling on her shirt beneath.

Tsubame was dead. And Jonquil had been bitten. I turned around, tears coming down in torrents, and knelt beside her. She wasn’t dying, because the bite had not been direct, but she stood up and I did too, but not before driving the dagger through the undead head of Maera, the cause of this. Of course, it was not her fault, but now Jonquil was going to die.

Suddenly, a memory from three months earlier resurfaced and I had a very vivid flashback.

Jamie leant against a wooden post, barely able to sit up, with blood pouring from the bite on his neck. He was desperately scrabbling to keep the already saturated scrap of material to the mortal wound. I was knelt beside him, tears threatening to fall down my face. Emilia, Tamara, Jeannie and Tsubame were there too. Then I heard Jamie speak, choking from the blood, but I could still make out the words. “Indigo… she started it… I saw her… she will kill eight… June…” And his eyes fell to the ground, his hand fell limp, but no blood came from the terrible wound. The way that Jamie died was so, so stupid. It could’ve been so easily prevented. He only survived two days into the apocalypse. But he warned me! He told me it was going to happen! I should’ve remembered. This was my fault. All of it.

The horror of what just happened was sinking in and I was shuddering uncontrollably. I’d just had to kill one of my best friends and Jonquil had been bitten. I turned to face everyone, “Guys… we need to… bury… them.”

Then I looked back at Jonquil, who was quietly and frantically whispering to herself, “This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening!”

“Jonquil,” I knelt down next to her, trying to stop my rapid uneven breaths.

She looked at me, fear spread all over her face, “Indigo… I’m, I’m bitten! Why did this happen to me?!

“I-” I was at a loss for words. It was the thing I’d dreaded from the start, “It’s my fault… It’s my fault you’re bitten!” I said into my hands, then I stood up and said, “McElroy, Gabrielle, Lydia, Xavier… can- can you dig?” I looked down at Jonquil, but I quickly looked back up at everyone. I was a second from just collapsing on the ground and hugging the life out of her.

Edie Norris stepped forward, “Indigo, I can patch her- I can patch her up, if you’d like?”

“Okay,” I took another look at her. Jonquil looked back at me, tears in her eyes, and stood up.

“Indigo, when she’s done that, can I talk to you?” she whispered as she walked over to Edie, holding the bite tightly to slow the steady flow of blood.

I nodded, “Can you be in my house, though? Number six?”

She smiled painfully, “Yeah. Don’t be late, hisser.”

I half-laughed, half-sobbed, “I won’t.”

***

I noticed Emilia Richardson lingering around the door of House 8 still, so I hopped over the dead bodies of my friends, trying to avoid looking at them. Their cold expressions, empty and unforgiving.

“Emilia?” I got up to her, “Are you okay?”

“Indigo, I- I got…” she said, holding her left arm as though it was broken, the sleeves of her jumper pulled over her hands. I suddenly felt a shiver down my spine, and a sense of foreboding entered my mind.

What’s wrong?

I already knew. The dead had not overpowered us, that was for sure, but perhaps I’d been too late to save what could have been saved. I remember her, holding her knees and cramped against the door of House 8.

Emilia Richardson was bitten. It seemed that her and Jonquil would go hand-in-hand walking into death’s welcoming arms. It would only be a matter of time.

“I’m- I’m sorry Indigo, I didn’t know what to do!” Emilia began tearing up, “I’m so scared!”

“It’s okay,” I gently hugged her, “Come with me.”

I took her to House 6, where Jonquil was.

After Edie had bandaged Richie and Jonquil’s arms, I went over and stood in front of Jonquil and said, “Jonquil, I’m so sorry! I knew we should have scavenged, tried to find more coffee, but we didn’t, and we all fell asleep, and Tsubame killed them, and you- you got bitten! It’s my fault! I didn’t- didn’t think Tsubame would do that! She was my friend and I knew she disliked you, but I didn’t think-”

“Diggie- I mean Indigo, stop,” Jonquil blushed slightly, then held my hand in her hands.

… Diggie.

She called me Diggie.

No one’s ever called me Diggie before.

I gulped, “Jonquil, I don’t know what to say to you. I-”

Tell her you love her!

“-I need to tell you something.”

Jonquil looked at me with her deep brown eyes, the hands that were holding my hand gripping tightly. “Go for it, hisser,” she smiled a little.

“I-” I felt my cheeks flushing. My heart was beating faster in my chest, thumping against the wall of my ribcage. My breath was caught in my throat, preventing me from finishing my sentence.

“Indigo,” Jonquil said, looking down at her feet, then back up at me, “Please-” The door of the house opened, and we both jolted and looked there.

Emilia came through and said, “Indigo, can you- oh, um, sorry…”

Jonquil let go of my hand, blushing, “I’ll go.”

“Jonquil,” I reached out and grabbed her hand as she walked away, “I’ll talk to you later.”

She smiled shyly, nodding, “Mm-hm.”

Emilia guided me out the door, but as soon as we got out, she hissed, “You were going to tell her, weren’t you?”

I nodded.

“Gah, I’m so sorry, Indigo!” Emilia shook her head, annoyed with herself, “I just needed you to come dig.”

“No, it’s fine, I’m going to tell her anyway,” I reassured her.

***

After burying the dead, I walked into Tsubame’s room. Hers was a lot messier than mine or Tamara’s and Emilia’s. Her clothes were strewn all over the floor and the bed was unmade. I picked them all up, but when I went to pick up a pair of leggings, it was caught underneath a small, metal box under what had once been my mum’s bed. I tugged more forcefully, and the box and leggings sprung out from the small gap. The box, however, had a lock on it. A three-digit combination lock. Thankfully, Isaiah had taught me how to get the combination. You had to start with the bottom digit. The digit thing would have to be turned very slowly, and you would have to listen extremely hard for a tiny click noise. After I’d finished working it out and unlocked it, I saw the combination. 666. “Of course,” I said to myself, “Tsubame, you really were a fuckwit.”

When I opened the box, all I saw was paper. “That’s boring,” I said. But then I saw a word on one piece. Inferior. That was what Tsubame had said. I read the paper fully:

I’ll do it soon. The inferior ones are getting to Indigo. Especially Jonquil. I will kill her personally, I hope. Indigo thinks that she’s kept her little secret. But not from me. I have noticed, even from the start, that Indigo blushes and avoids eye contact with Jonquil every time she comes face to face. It’s wrong and disgusting. Love makes us weak. The sapphists and sodomites need to be extinguished. Indigo must not become weak.

I bristled in anger. Tsubame had planned to kill Jonquil first. I looked through more papers, each one detailing the weakness of everyone, the ones that needed to die. Finally, at the bottom, I saw another piece of paper that was slightly different to the others. It was older and fragmented besides. I was confused when I saw it, because it was not Tsubame’s hand.

I’ve tried all the possible cures I could find, but there is naught. Every bitten victim succumbs, eventually. I have a hope that once it has begun; my daughter will continue my work. She follows along with eagerness, and helped me modify it, slightly. It is lucky that I have her, she believes in the eradication of the weak as well, almost fiercer than I do! I know already that I will not live to see our plan come into action, But I know Tsubame will. She has told me about all of her friends, and there is one that seems to carry the mutant gene that separates the superior from the inferior. Her name is Indigo, I believe. Apparently, she has a plan for any circumstance involving an apocalypse. We’ll have to put that to the test.

And below that, Tsubame had written a reply.

I will, father. I have already released it and it spreads faster than a bushfire. I hope that once the work is done, the world will be cleansed of the poison that was the weak. Of course, it will take many years to kill the shells, but in the end, the world will be better off, as we always wanted. But there is one problem. I’ve found a cure.

I shook my head, confused, “What?!” I kept reading, though. Even if there was some small chance of recovering Jonquil and Emilia Richardson, I would take it.

I’ve found a cure. I shall tell no one save you, though. This secret must be kept, otherwise it could lay waste to our careful planning. It was the most obvious thing. Somehow, Cheetah caught the virus. He was beginning to turn, and I went to dispose of him, hard though it was, but he scratched me. It was quite a deep scratch, because it drew blood. Of course, I would think nothing of this had there been no reaction. However, as soon as my blood touched Cheetah, his flesh sizzled, and his fur began to fall out. I freaked out at this point, as I knew nothing of what was going on, but his fur was the thing that had infected him, beneath his fur, there was a small gash, through which the virus had entered. That section of his flesh hissed and sizzled, but his skin, which I had previously not noticed, regained a pink glow from what had been dull grey. So, I’ve found it. What to do? If it can heal an infected but still living being, could it somehow heal a deceased one? I think perhaps not. The cells in a shell are dead, and there would be no way to bring them back to life. All the healing gene does is destroy the virus, but it could not heal a shell, for shells are the carriers.

“What in the eighteen hundreds is this shit?” I mumbled, “She was fucking psycho.”

***

Jonquil was opposite me in the small living room of House 6, leaning against the wall next to the stairs that led to the three bedrooms. Gabrielle, Lydia, Jocelyn, Richardson and Xavier were all standing around too. We avoided eye contact. It was about 3 in the afternoon, and we didn’t know how much time Jonquil and Emilia Richardson had left. They were all talking to each other, as if pretending two of their best friends weren’t going to die today. McElroy was next to Jocelyn sitting at the table. She kept looking back and forth between Jonquil and I. She was trying to stop herself from crying, and so was I.

Suddenly, in the middle of their conversation, Jonquil’s eyes rolled back into her head and she fainted. Her legs collapsed from beneath her, and she fell to the floor, hitting her head on the bottom step of the stairway.

“Jonquil!” we all called out in unison, alarmed.

I panicked and ran to her unconscious body, lifting her into my arms, “Jonquil! Wake up!”

She gasped awake, “What happened?!”

“You fainted!” Richardson exclaimed worriedly, “Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine,” Jonquil tried to stand, but she fell back down, looking disorientated. I caught her as she collapsed for the second time.

“She needs to be in bed,” Jocelyn said sharply.

“I’ll carry her to my room,” I said quickly. I didn’t want her to leave me.

McElroy smiled a little, “Do you want me to help?”

I stifled a chuckle, “Yeah, thanks.”

We struggled to get Jonquil up all the stairs, but as we got to the top, Gabrielle called from behind us, “Make sure it’s a comfy bed, Jonquil really does like to be comfy!”

I tried to direct us to my room, but Emilia hissed to me, “Where are you going? Tsubame’s bed is-”

I stared at her, silently telling her that one, Tsubame literally just massacred a third of our group, two, my bed is comfy as hell, and three, well, y’know.

Emilia closed her mouth, and we rested Jonquil on my tall single bed, making sure her head was on the pillow. Jonquil’s friends had followed behind me. “Can you get her some water, Jocelyn?!” I called downstairs.

“Sure!” Jocelyn called back. Moments later, I heard the thumping of their feet running up the stairs. “Here,” she passed me a glass of water. Thank god the Co-Op ran on mostly tanks.

“Jonquil,” I whispered, slightly shaking her shoulder, “Jonquil, wake up.”

She woke again with a startled intake of breath, but settled when she saw everyone around her. “J Dog! Are you okay?” Richardson burst out.

“I- I don’t know,” Jonquil was scared, “I think I’m… starting to die. That sounds really weird to say...”

Tears began to form in my eyes, but I blinked them away, “Jonquil, I have some water for you.”

She smiled, “Thanks, but I’m not thirsty.”

“Can you try to have some? I think it’ll help with the fainting. Please give it a li’l go?” I held the glass out.

Jonquil sighed, “Fine.” She took it and we all watched her carefully. “Guys, stop doing that. You’re creeping me out!” She frowned at us all.

I blushed, “Sorry, I’ll just…” I moved away from her, standing behind Richardson, Gabrielle, Lydia and Jocelyn. McElroy was next to me.

“I’m not feeling well either,” Richie, “Is there anywhere I can go?”

“You can go in Ta- in my room,” McElroy said, flinching at herself as she remembered Tamara was dead, and now she was alone.

“Thanks,” Richie left with Jocelyn and Gabrielle.

“Guess I’ll just stay here with you,” I said to Jonquil as McElroy, Lydia and Edison went downstairs.

“Cool,” she smiled at me.

We talked for hours, about life, about home. We even talked about what we wanted to do in life before the shells. I learned so many things about her. She loved chocolate. She wanted to live in a house full of ragdoll cats and beagle dogs. She had two siblings, not just Mimi, but an older brother called Jordy. Finally, we quietened down.

Every so often, she’d launch into a coughing fit, and after she’d struggle to breathe.

“Hey, Jonquil?” I felt my heart lurch in my chest, pounding with fear and sadness.

“Yeah?” she looked up at me.

“I, um,” I couldn’t say it, “Never mind.”

She chuckled, “You’re so weird, Indigo. In a good way.”

I blushed, and was about to speak, but Jonquil continued.

“Y’know,” she stared up at the ceiling, “It’s nice having you here, but I just wanted to know, why did you stay? I mean, it’s not as if we’re particularly close.”

“Well, I do care about you,” I stammered, “And Gabrielle and Jocelyn are with Richie. I wouldn’t want to leave you alone.”

She chuckled softly, “Aw, you’re so sweet, Indie. I wish we could have spent more time together.”

Tears started to form in my eyes, “Yeah,” I said, my voice thick with emotion, “So do I.”

Jonquil launched into another coughing fit, more violent than any of the previous ones. I reached out to put my hand on her back, but she grabbed it and held it in her own. She squeezed it so tightly that it felt broken. After the coughing had subsided, Jonquil smiled forlornly, “I think my time’s almost up, Indigo.”

“Oh,” was all I said as my bottom lip began to wobble, my hands started to shake. Tears were already streaming down my face, stinging my cheeks.

She began to cry too, though softly as she tried to stop it. She failed miserably. It hurt to see her cry. The girl that was so often loud, boisterous and funny was gone. Jonquil was just… a shell. And she would be, because even though it could’ve been saved, she definitely did not want her arm cut off. Though I could’ve listened to Tsubame’s stupid notes, I just couldn’t see how it would work. Tsubame was insane and there was no truth to her writing.

“I’m gonna close my eyes now,” Jonquil pulled the covers of the bed up, “If this is the last time I talk to you, I just wanted to say I’m glad you stayed. I know it must be difficult to watch me kick the bucket-” she chuckled, “-but, yeah. Thanks.”

“No problemo,” I whispered, barely able to get out a sound.

She smiled for what she thought was the last time, then lay back in my bed. As the seconds went by, her breathing grew slower and more painful, her chest only rising every ten seconds. Finally, it stopped.

I suddenly couldn’t believe it, “Jonquil? Jonquil!” I jumped up from my stool and shook her by the shoulders, “Jonquil!”

She wasn’t breathing, she wasn’t moving. I refused to believe she was dead. As I collapsed on her chest, I felt something sharp prick my arm. The pain caused me to yelp, and I looked around for the source of the cut. Jonquil’s knife. It was in the pocket of her hoodie. My heart sped up. I didn’t even know if what Tsubame had written was real. Was the cure really in the blood? And Tsubame’s cure was based on a dog, Jonquil was a human. Would it be the same for a human? But Jonquil was dead. She would turn soon. I couldn’t stab her in the head.

So, I did it. I reached into my stitched-on pocket and drew out the silver dagger. It reflected my face in the light from the candle, just like her eyes. I pulled back the sleeve of my jumper and sliced shallowly on the palm of my hand. The pain was almost unbearable, but I gritted my teeth and told myself that if it worked, I would have her back. I used my shaking hand to pull the blood-soaked bandages off her small arm. The bite looked absolutely disgusting. Her flesh had turned grey and mottled near the site, and the skin was cracked. Her blood was clotted on the sides, no longer was she bleeding, but the wound still wept. I held my arm over hers, letting my hot, bright red blood drip onto the bite on her arm. Her wound hissed and smoke rose off the spot where my blood had made contact. I watched in awe as the grey skin slowly regained its tanned, peachy glow, and the bite looked smaller than it had before. Only Jonquil wasn’t waking.

I was too late. I made it up because I was too afraid of losing what I loved. It wasn’t real.

“No! No, no, no, no!” I reached my hand across her face and lightly tapped her icy cheek saying, “Please! Please, Jonquil! Wake up, please!” Thirty seconds passed before I realised. She wasn’t going to wake up. I just wanted her to kill me. We’d be together. I hugged her body tightly, saying goodbye for the last time. I couldn’t kill her. I got and wiped the tears from my face with my sleeve, staring down at her, shuddering. I went to go get McElroy, as she would be able to finish the job. I got to the door and was about to walk out when I heard a sharp withdrawal of breath. I glanced back over at Jonquil. Silence.

Then she coughed and sat up, “Bitch, I was sleeping!”

I started laughing, tears still running down my face, and ran to her. I hugged her tightly.

Thank God.

She’s alive.

“That was a joke, by the way. I was probably in a coma or some shit,” she shivered, still grinning widely.

“How… how do you feel?” I asked tentatively.

“Fucking terrified! I nearly just died!” Jonquil shifted herself so that she was closer, “How do you feel?”

“I don’t know what emotion it’s called, but it sounds like ‘what the fuck’,” I said blushing furiously.

Jonquil raised one eyebrow, a cheeky grin spreading across her face.

I laughed, but just as I was about to speak, Jonquil yelped, “Fuck, Indigo, what happened to your hand?!”

I looked down at my hand. It was covered in blood, the blood still gushing slowly from the cut in my hand, “Shit!” I quickly grabbed the tissue box from my desk and bound three or four tissues to my hand with the masking tape, also on my desk.

“Indie, you’ve got blood fucking everywhere! On the back of my jumper too!” She pulled her navy hoodie over her head, revealing a collared pullover which was white, and had a rainbow strip across the chest.

“Ah, I’m sorry!” I said, flustered, “Do you want me to call Gabrielle and Jocelyn?”

Jonquil gasped, “Indigo! You have to save Richie!”

“Oh my god, I forgot!” I panicked, racing to the next room, where Richardson was lying on the bed, Gabrielle and Jocelyn sitting on chairs they’d brought up from downstairs. Richardson was taking longer than Jonquil had, because she had been bitten further down her arm, right on the wrist.

“Guys!” I said urgently, “Is she still alive?”

Gabrielle and Jocelyn looked in horror at my bloodstained clothes, unable to answer.

“Gabrielle and Jocelyn! Is she still alive?!” I repeated forcefully.

“Um, yeah,” Gabrielle managed to say, “What-”

Richardson mumbled some random things that I couldn’t understand. She was in a state of delirium. “Ah, fuck,” I peeled the masking tape and took the tissues off the cut I had made in my own hand and let my hot, scarlet blood drip onto her bite. Her bite was worse than Jonquil’s. It was filled with pus and the skin was decaying around it, “This better be fucking worth it.”

“Indigo, what the hell?!”

Jocelyn tried to pull my arm back, but I yelled at her, “Jocelyn, I’m trying to save her!”

She released my arm, looking terrified.

As it was with Jonquil’s, the bite hissed as my blood made contact. The pus was suddenly repelled by the wound and it rose up chunky and yellow, as the bite beneath it healed at a rapid pace. “Fuck, that’s disgusting!” I gagged.

“Oh my god,” Gabrielle put a hand to her mouth, grabbing Jocelyn’s arm with her other hand.

A while later, Richardson opened her eyes and said, shivering, “Indigo, what are you doing?”

“Saving your life?” I grinned.

“But I’m bitten! You can’t save me!” she stuttered, her teeth chattering.

“Well, I did just that,” I said, “You’re welcome.”

“What did you just do?!” Gabrielle exclaimed.

Richardson looked genuinely surprised out of her mind, “She… she saved me, guys!”

“But how?!” Jocelyn said.

“I’ll, um, I’ll tell you tomorrow,” I nodded.

“Are you okay, Richie?” Gabrielle said to Emilia.

I stood up, turned around and smiled, “She’s good. My hand’s bleeding a lot though, so I’ll go and get that patched up.” I was lying, but I thought that since Emilia Richardson had been like two seconds away from dying, they’d need to catch up and make sure that she was mostly okay.

I pretended to leave and go down the stairs, but I slipped to the side and into my room, where Jonquil sat upright.

“Hey,” she said in a small voice, making my chest feel tight and compressed. I was blushing so much I may as well have evaporated.

“Hey,” I smiled.

There was an awkward silence before she said timidly, “Um, so, what did Tsubame mean when she said, ‘I know your weakness.’ And she grabbed me?”

“Uh…” I blushed, “I don’t know?”

She cocked her head to the side and smirked, “I think you do…”

“Ahaha, um… so, y’know how I was so upset when I made you cry? Obviously, I do care about you, but I was extra guilty because…” I took a deep breath, “I’ve had a crush on you since Year 7.”

Jonquil’s eyes went wide, “O-oh!” she blushed, “really?”

“Is-is that okay?” my hands started shaking involuntarily.

“Yeah…” I could see the cogs turning in her head.

“You’re worrying me, Jonquil,” I laughed nervously.

She shook her head and chuckled, “Shit, I’m sorry. I was just thinking.”

“Okie dokie,” I grinned awkwardly, sitting back on the stool.

After a moment, Jonquil sat up, “Indie?”

I jolted up, “Yeah?”

“I’ve actually been thinking about it for a while… I think I’m, what is it? Pansexual,” Jonquil looked extremely cautious.

“Oh, really? That’s epic!” I said, a wave of relief washing over me. Even if she wasn’t interested, she would still be nice about it. Queer people always are. Well mostly.

She laughed nervously, “Yeah? I just, y’know, haven’t really understood how some people can only like boys. Like, no offence, but most of them are arseholes. Some of them are nice, like Harry Styles and catboys, but in general there are more bad ones than nice ones.”

“I agree,” I said, “Especially when they’re around our age.”

She nodded. There was a silence.

“So…” Jonquil began, “You like me, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” I did an awkward thumbs-up.

“So, um, would you be interested in, y’know, exchanging rings?” she asked, trying desperately to keep the blush off her face.

“You mean, like, being girlfriends?” I had a little hope.

She nodded.

“Wait, you’re serious?”

She nodded again.

I jumped up and hugged her, “Heck yeah! Of course I would!”

“Fuck yeah!” she yelled, then winced, “My arm still hurts, aha.”

“Oh crap, sorry,” I hastily got up.

We went silent again, but then we started laughing.

“Excuse me for a second, I just- I gotta go somewhere, I’ll be back,” I told Jonquil, who raised one eyebrow, smiling. I let go of her hand and ran downstairs and to the couch in the living room,

I hopped down the stairs two at a time, my joy bubbling over. It was dark outside, the last colours of sunset fading over the vast shadow of kunanyi. Emilia was sitting in the right cushion of our three-person couch, anxiously sitting upright, talking to Xavier. When she saw me, she stood up, “Indigo, what happened? Is everything okay?”

“The shit that just happened!” I collapsed into one of our dining chairs, “Tsubame… she lied! There is a cure, and- and it’s my blood!”

“What?!” Emilia yelped.

“She wrote about it, Tsubame, in her room, and I found it! I- well- I cut myself and let my blood drip onto their bites- Jonquil and Richardson’s- and it healed them!”

“Fricking heck, this is some supernatural shite right here!” she exclaimed.

Xavier looked startled, but didn’t say a word.

I laughed, “Sorry, Xavier. Can I talk to Emilia for a minute?”

He nodded hesitantly, “Um, yeah, ‘course.” He ran up the stairs to Richardson, Gabrielle and Jocelyn.

“Ah! Emilia, Emilia, Emilia!” I wrung my hands in excitement, squealing quietly.

“Indigo, what’s going on?” Emilia said, standing up.

“Emilia, Jonquil just told me something,” I purposely didn’t tell her because I wanted her to guess.

“What did she tell you?” Emilia looked intrigued.

“Guess,” I beamed.

“Frick it, I already know. She likes you back,” Emilia gave up.

“Wait, what,” I stopped jumping up and down, “You already knew? How?”

“Well, so I’ve known Jonquil for a lot longer than you have, because I went to primary school with her, so I know her quite well. Obviously, she still likes men, she dated Tai Lee in Year 7, but she still gave me queer vibes. When you told me that you had a crush on Jonquil, I, like any normal friend, began keeping tabs on her. After a while, I began to notice that she sought you out more than most other people. Of course, you’re the leader, so that in itself was nothing.”

“But during her melodrama, she chose to high five you, of all people, even though you were in the third row. That tripped me. So, after the performance, when she sat down and we did ours, I watched her from behind the stage through a little crack in the boards. Even when you weren’t speaking, she couldn’t take her eyes off you, mate! When everyone was going back to their houses and packing up, I may have perhaps sidled up to Jonquil and subtly asked her if she had a crush on you. You know her, she just says whatever and she doesn’t care, so she told me very quietly, ‘yes’. I asked her if she was planning to tell you, since she already knew that you liked her. She said, ‘when the situation presents itself’. Whew!” Emilia finally stopped talking.

“Wow,” I was stunned, “Well, I guess… wow.”

“You better go, bro, Jonquil’s waiting for ya,” Emilia grinned.

I smiled again, “Thanks, dude. Shit, I mean, not dude.” and I ran back to my house and up the stairs where Jonquil was waiting in my room, looking like she was about to fall asleep.

“That took a while!” Jonquil smirked mischievously.

“So did you, telling me you like me,” I sat next to her.

“Eh, well,” she shrugged.

“But honestly, though. Why did you wait ‘til now to tell me?” I said, “How long have you liked me?”

“Not very long, maybe since April. I was more focused on my friends, y’know. I’ve been told I’m a bit overprotective,” Jonquil said, embarrassed, “All they knew was that you liked me because you would smile every time you saw me. I was too afraid to tell anyone because I was scared that they wouldn’t be my friends anymore, that they wouldn’t understand. I mean, no offence, but you were not really what they would’ve wanted for me. You didn’t show who you really were until when it started. Before that, you were just awkward and weird. And a girl.”

“True that,” then I thought, “but isn’t Richie bisexual? Surely, it wouldn’t be a problem with them if you were queer?”

“Well, yeah, but I’ve only ever dated guys,” she shook her head, “I just didn’t really think of it.”

“Fair enough. We should go talk to the others.”

She agreed, “Can you help me?”

“Yeah,” I said. I helped her out of my bed, grabbing a dressing gown from the back of my door and helping her into it, then putting my arm around her shoulders.

“Wait,” Jonquil stopped before we left my room, “Can you, um, can you not be hugging me when we go in? I just- I’m not ready to tell them yet. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, of course,” I rubbed her arm with the hand that wasn’t cut, “I know how scary it is to come out.”

“Thanks,” she sighed.

I took my arm back from around her, and we walked into Isaiah’s old room.

“J Dog!” Gabrielle exclaimed, throwing her arms around Jonquil, “Indigo saved you too!”

“That she did,” Jonquil gave me a quick smile.

I looked at McElroy, “Em, could you do me a really big favour?”

“Yeah?”

“Could you please do my watch tonight?” I asked apprehensively.

She paused, then grinned, “Of course, bro. You’d do it for me.”

“You’re the best.”

“Don’t you know it.”

I suddenly remembered, “Oh, and Gabrielle? You’ve got watch too, and Lydia’s probably a bit pissed off that you’re not there.”

“Oh, shit!” she panicked, “Bye, guys!” she gave Richardson, Jocelyn and Jonquil quick hugs, then scampered down the stairs, and a couple of minutes later we heard the ladder rattling on the side of the house. Shortly after that, we heard another squeal, this time from Lydia.

“Gabrielle informed her of our miraculous survival,” Jonquil stated.

“Yeah,” Richie agreed.

“We should probably get out of your room,” I said to McElroy, then to Emilia Richardson, “Emilia, do you want to rest in the room to the left for the night?”

“Sure.”

“And Jonquil, um, do you want to go downstairs on the couch? I can bring a blanket for you, if you want,” I suggested.

“That would be great, thanks,” Jonquil stretched, then winced as her bandages shifted over the raw patch of skin that was her bite. I nodded. While Emilia Richardson moved into her room, Jonquil went downstairs to the couch, and I got a big, woolly blanket to share. I got downstairs, and when I looked at the couch, Jonquil had already closed her eyes, but I could tell she wasn’t asleep. I smiled as I sat down next to her and lay the blanket over us. I shifted and came to rest on her shoulder. I really couldn’t believe it. I never understood how people were in relationships. Like, how does someone have the courage to walk up to their crush and ask them out. What if, and this would be the most likely scenario, their crush did not like them back? I would die of shame. But here I was.


	15. June 21st, 2019

As Jonquil left with Richardson, McElroy came down the stairs. She looked around the room before saying to me, “Jeez, it feels empty.”

“I guess it’s just us now,” I sighed.

Emilia sat in a dining chair, “I still can’t believe that she did that. Tsubame, I mean.”

I clenched my fists. Emilia looked over at me, “I’m sorry, Indigo. I- I trusted her too. But she killed Tamara! One of her best friends! She was so fucked up!”

“I can’t believe she tried to kill Jonquil, because I knew she hated her, but I didn’t know how much. And she killed Tamara, Maude, Louis, Kathy, Maera, Edie, Leticia, Elizabeth and Jacques! For no reason!” I struggled not to cry, “God, I’m trying not to break down because then it’ll make it seem like it happened, but now we’re the only ones left! No Tamara, no Tsubame, no Jamie, no Cherry, no Lucy, no Jeannie, no Salem. We’ll have to stick together from now on, I guess.”

“Yep,” Emilia stood up, and walked over to me, shrugging, “You know, if she wanted to, Jonquil could stay here with us? Her house already has, like, Gabrielle, Richardson, Lydia, Xavier, and soon their baby. I know it’d make you happy.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?” I flushed, “We literally only just started dating like yesterday.”

Emilia laughed, “Okay, maybe you’re right. It was just a thought.”

“Like, I wouldn’t mind it, it’s just I think Jonquil should be with her friends right now, and maybe it’s better so we don’t get sick of each other too quickly,” I giggled.

I began to laugh. Emilia soon joined in. After a while, I stopped and said, “Can I have a hug? I think I need one.”

“Me too,” Emilia hugged me. We both began to cry. We’d been bottling our emotions up for at least a day now. I’d been so preoccupied with Jonquil, because I thought she was going to die. Now it really hit us both. We were the last ones left in House 6, and the last ones left in our friend group. Just us two. And though we had our friends in other houses, and each other, it was still… lonely.


	16. June 23rd, 2019

“So, are you ready?” I held Jonquil’s hand.

“Fuck yeah I am,” she put on her confident face.

She nodded, and we held hands as we walked over to Gabrielle, Jocelyn, Emilia Richardson, Lydia and Xavier, but I let go as we came upon them. Her friends looked quizzically at us both, so Jonquil and I looked at each other, then Jonquil said, “Um, guys, I’d really like to tell you something that, um, I’ve wanted to tell you for a while…”

Richardson looked at me, then at her, “Go ahead, J Dog, we don’t judge.”

“I know, you say that now, but I’m still scared that you will,” she was shaking. It was so hard for her, because she’d obviously never come out before, and I knew exactly how she felt.

“Jonquil, you can tell us anything,” Gabrielle smiled.

“Are you sure you won’t hate me?” Jonquil began to cry in fear.

“Woah, hey, of course we won’t!” Richardson hugged her, “It must be really important to you, and anything that’s important to you is important to us.”

“Really?” Jonquil sniffed.

“I, uh,” she began, and took a deep breath, “I’m pansexual.”

“And we’re dating,” I said, smiling shyly at Jonquil.

“I knew it!” Richie howled, “I heard you guys talking after Indigo healed us and when I was going back home I saw y’all on the couch together!”

“Wait, what?” Gabrielle looked extremely confused, “I thought you were straight, J?”

“Nah,” Jonquil looked confident, but I could feel her hand shaking slightly in mine.

“Well, we entirely support you. I mean, it’d be a bit weird if we supported Richie and not you,” Lydia nodded.

I nudged Jonquil, “That’s what I said.”

“I know you did,” she hissed, “I’m allowed to be scared.”

“Hey,” I squeezed her hand, “It’s okay.”

After that, we all went up to the Common House to the collective dinner we always had on Sunday. As well as being an A+ student at school, a fantastic singer, and a kind person, it turned out that Hayley Greene was a magnificent cook too. Even though we didn’t have a lot of choice in what we could eat, Hayley had managed to use what was left in the Common House’s pantry to make bread and jam, with the option to make sandwiches.


	17. June 26th, 2019

“Um,” Jonquil put her hands on mine, “Here, I’ll show you.”

She had decided it was very necessary, and a good idea, to teach me how to play field hockey, another of her sports. I wasn’t very good at learning, but I’d started to get the hang of it.

“You have to whack the ball if you want it to go fast, or sweep it, but you can’t just nudge it gently, silly,” she smiled at me.

“Okay, I think I’ve got it,” I focussed on the makeshift goal between two trees and swept the ball forcefully through them.

“Goal!” Jonquil yelled excitedly, “You did it, Diggie!”

I dropped the hockey stick and hugged her. It was cute when she got all excited, especially if it wasn’t even a big deal. She was so enthusiastic, and I loved her for it.

“Come on, Indigo, we have to tell Richie, she’s gonna be so excited! You can play hockey with us now!” Jonquil grabbed my hand and pulled me through the blue, wooden gate, back to House 7.

Gabrielle had left a note saying that her, Lydia and Xavier had gone over to House 8, and that Emilia was sleeping.

“Well, this bitch is getting woken up!” Jonquil marched off to Richie’s room, and a few minutes later dragged out a tired looking Emilia Richardson.

“Hey, Emilia,” I waved politely.

“Hey, Indigo, what does Jonquil want?” she smiled, then yawned.

“Guess what, Richie?” Jonquil started jumping up and down in excitement.

“What?”

“I taught Indigo how to play hockey, so now she can play with us!” Jonquil grinned widely.

“That’s great!” Emilia said, waking up, “We should play soon! How ‘bout… not tomorrow because I’m going hunting with Gab, but how about the next day? The twenty-eighth, isn’t it?”

“Fuck yeah!” Jonquil said, not realising that we only had four players, but still being thrilled to play.

She went into the kitchen to grab some food.

“So, how are you, Richie?” I asked as Emilia sat next to me.

“Doing alright,” Emilia replied, but then sighed, “Actually, I’m really not.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Yeah, actually,” her hands were quivering, “Not with Jonquil. She doesn’t need to hear this.”

“Okay, I’ll let her know I’m just going to take you to my house,” I put my hand on her shoulder, “It’s gonna be okay.”

After explaining to Jonquil, I took Richie back to House 6 and made her a cup of lavender tea to soothe her.

“I guess I should tell you then, shouldn’t I?” Emilia laughed nervously.

“If that’s what you want,” I said, “I’m not going to force you to speak if you don’t want to.”

She exhaled, then said, “I miss Gianna.”

“That’s okay,” I understood, “Tell me more about it.”

“I just- I feel really guilty, because the last thing I ever said to her wasn’t even face-to-face,” she blushed, “I replied to her instagram story and said, ‘nice pants’.”

I had to stop myself from laughing.

“I just wish I could have said ‘I love you’, or at least ‘goodbye’,” she took another gulp of tea, “We were so happy and in love, Indigo. And then it just happened and I never saw her again. I can’t get the thoughts out of my head that I- never mind.”

“No, tell me,” I said softly, “This is a safe space, I’ll never judge you, and if it’s about what I think it is, then I will totally understand you.”

“I want to die. I want to kill myself. I was so close to dying after I was bitten, and I thought that if I just died then I would see her again,” Emilia began to sob, “But I don’t want to leave everyone! I have Gabrielle and Jonquil and Lydia, and isn’t it so fucking selfish that I want to leave them for Gianna?! And she might not even be there. The afterlife might not even be real.”

“Your feelings are valid, Emilia. I know I’d feel the same way if- if Jonquil weren’t here,” I lowered my voice, “but you should stay. We all love you so much, and I know that it seems hard right now, but I promise that if you stay it’ll get better.”

She nodded, then launched at me, wrapping her arms tightly around my shoulders. “Thank you,” she whispered, “and goodbye.” She got up and left.


	18. June 28th, 2019

“Indigo!” I heard distraught sobbing from outside, “Indigo, come out!”

I got up from the couch and looked at Emilia, sipping a mug of cold chocolate. She shrugged and raised her eyebrows in bewilderment. What happened? It was only eight in the morning. I quickly ran to the door to see Sabrina Turner at the door. She gestured into the Basin to see Jonquil sobbing in anguish, Gabrielle hugging her, crying as well. Lydia was tightly wrapped around Xavier, heaving from the force of her sobs. Xavier was pale and wan, looking blank.

“Oh my god, Jonquil!” I went up to her, wide-eyed, “What happened?!”

She looked at me, tears streaming out of her eyes, “Indigo! Em-Emilia’s dead!”

I stepped back, “What?!”

She collapsed on the ground, “She killed herself, Indigo! Look! In the bathroom!”

I raised my hand to my mouth, “Oh my god…” I murmured to myself, in shock.

I raced into House 7, leaving its inhabitants out. As I walked in, McElroy came out and rushed over to comfort Jonquil, Gabrielle and Lydia. I silently padded through the hallway, holding my breath. When I got to the door of the bathroom, which had been closed by one of the others, I paused. I wasn’t prepared to see her.

The sight that I saw once I walked in never fully left me. Richardson was in the small bathtub, her legs dangling limply out the side. Her curly, brown hair was matted with dried blood, and a spray of blood had decorated her pale, drained face like a red diagonal line on a graph. Her light brown eyes stared unseeing up into the skylight. In her right hand, she held her small, silver knife, scarlet painted. Her wrists had been slit. There was so much blood, spattering the sides of the porcelain sink, the translucent shower curtain. I gulped as tears began to form in my eyes. Emilia Richardson had been in my German class, and added to Maude Cotton and Polly Kozhakov, they were the loudest, but funniest in the class.

As I turned to leave, I noticed a note stuck to the back of the door. I looked back at Richardson, then at the note. I took in a shuddering breath and read it.

Dear Jonquil, Gabrielle, Lydia, Jocelyn and everyone else,

I’m sorry. I can’t live in this world anymore. Everyone’s dying, and I nearly did too. I’ve done this because I want to see everyone else. Gianna, Elodie, Maera, Kara, Bridget, Matilda… I’ll see them all, and before I know it, I’ll see you too! I know already that we’re not good enough or smart enough to live with these things, in this place where we can’t trust our friends. Everyone else has someone to depend on. Jonquil and Indigo, Lydia and Zay, Jocelyn and Sam. I need Gianna, and I’ll find her when I wake up on the other side.

I love you guys, I really do, but I can’t do this anymore. Jonquil, Indigo will take good care of you guys. She’s a keeper. Also, tell Ritchie that Luce loves him already for God’s sake, the ship is real. And tell Aarav that, as you already know, me and Gianna were actually not just best friends. Straight guys, smh. But that’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this. I never got to say goodbye to her.

I love you all,

Richie

I stifled a sob as I walked out of that place, rubbing my eyes and still holding the letter. I shut the door firmly behind me. Then I walked slowly back out into the Basin. Emilia lifted her head up from hugging all the people of House 7. “Indigo,” she called out, “What… what happened?! They won’t tell me!”

I got up to them, “Richie killed herself,” I said flatly, the shock of it freezing my emotions, “She… she wrote a letter.”

I gave the letter to Emilia, so she could read it. I hugged Jonquil, who turned her face into my shoulder, and I watched as Emilia’s face changed from an expression of confusion to abject horror. “Oh god, I’m so sorry!” she closed her eyes in embarrassment.

Jonquil replied with a sob, then said, “Emilia, I want to read it. I want to see what she wrote.”

I stepped in, “Jonquil, are you sure?”

“Yes, Indigo!” she said angrily, brushing her tears aside, “I want to know why!”

“Hey, calm down. Jonquil, I’m sorry,” I calmed her, taking the note from Emilia, “Here.”

Jonquil smiled with tears dripping down her face as she read the letter. When she finished, she dropped to the ground and started to sob.

I hugged her, “I’m sorry, Jonquil. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” she cried, “It’s not your fault.”

“Can you guys go into my house please?” I spoke to the residents of House 7.

“What-” Jonquil began to say, but then Gabrielle took her hand, pulled her up and gently led her into House 6’s front door. Lydia and Xavier followed.

McElroy followed me into House 7, but not before I spoke to everyone who was out, “Guys, please go back to your houses. We’ll talk about this later.”

“How did she do it?” McElroy whispered to me as we got to House 7’s front door.

“She slit her wrists,” I said, feeling nauseous.

“That would have been so painful… I… I never would have expected Richardson to kill herself. She was fine!”

“She came and talked to me two days ago. She told me she wanted to die. But she also told me she would stay,” I said, “I thought she meant it.”

“She didn’t want you to try and stop her,” Emilia said, “It was her choice to do this, Indigo. You couldn’t have stopped it.”

“Well, there she is,” I opened the door to House 7’s bathroom.

Emilia gulped, “Oh, god.”

“Yeah…” I sighed.

After we buried Richardson and said our farewells, I walked with Jonquil back to my house, as she didn’t want to be in her house for the time being. She was still shuddering, but tears weren’t forming. As soon as we got inside (McElroy had stayed in House 7 with Gabrielle, Lydia and Xavier), Jonquil threw her arms around my middle and buried her face in my shoulder. I hugged her back, squeezing just a little.

“Diggie, can we go up to your room? I think I need to lie down,” she said, muffled.

“Yeah, sure,” I nodded as she let go of me.

I held her hand as I followed her up to my bedroom.

She lay on my bed, curled up under the covers. I sat next to her, propping myself up with a pillow. She moved onto my shoulder, putting her arms around me.

“Indigo?” Jonquil murmured.

“Yeah?”

“Can- can you play some guitar for me?” she said, looking at me with her red-rimmed brown eyes.

“Okay,” I took the guitar off the stand on the wall at the foot of my bed, “Any specific song?”

“Just make it a nice one.”

I thought for a moment. Then the perfect song came up.

I began plucking the wire strings of my dusty, old guitar in an E major chord and began to sing.

“The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping. I dreamed I held you in my arms. But when I woke, dear, I was mistaken, and I hung my head and I cried.”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“I’ll always love you, and make you happy, if you will only say the same. But if you leave me and love another, you’ll regret it all some day.”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“You told me once, dear, you really loved me, and no one could come between. But now you’ve left me to love another, you have shattered all of my dreams.”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me. When I awake, my poor heart pains. So won’t you come back and make me happy. I’ll forgive, dear, I’ll take all the blame.”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

“Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

I looked over at Jonquil. She’d fallen asleep. I wasn’t going to wake her up, not after everything that had happened today. So I put my guitar back, and lay on the bed next to her. Tears tracks were lighter against Jonquil’s tanned cheeks, and she was slightly frowning. I put my arms around her, holding her closer so that her face was pressed against mine. Even though it was the middle of the day, it was rainy and cloudy so it was dark outside, and even more so in here. My breathing slowed down and mirrored the rhythm of her chest, slowly rising up and down, and soon I fell into a deep sleep.


	19. July 16th/17th, 2019

“Well, y’all,” I said, “I guess it’s time to go.” It was around seven forty in the morning, and so cold that Jonquil kept coming over and grabbing my warm hands with her cold ones.

We hadn’t been out of the Co-Op in a while, as before Tsubame’s massacre and Richie’s suicide, we’d gone on a massive supply hunt. But we needed more now. So, Jonquil, McElroy, Gabrielle, Jocelyn and I were going out to Cambridge today. The reason for that being that the survival biggest store that I’d forgotten about was there. Anaconda, it was called, and it had everything from knives to lifejackets.

We hopped over the front fence of the Co-Op, cutting down the two shells that had appeared, and set off down Marlyn Road. We walked down the Cascade Fire Trail, where we came out near the Cascade Brewery. There were shells here, more than we’d seen in a while, but not too much for the five of us. By the time we’d finished, my knife was bloodied up to the hilt. I noticed Jonquil standing off to the side, avoiding killing the shells, but I dismissed it. I wiped my knife on the dewy grass and helped the others move the bodies to the side of the road. We were getting better at dealing with shells now. Thank God they were slow, not like the ones in World War Z, otherwise we’d all be dead for sure.

We continued down to Macquarie Street, and then it was time for roof parkour. There were way too many shells in the city to deal with, obviously, so we travelled through the city across the roofs of buildings. We got to the edge of Hobart City, where we climbed down the enclosed ladder of a crane and got to the Tasman Bridge. There were hundreds, thousands, even tens of thousands of shells in the city, but few were on the bridge, so we were able to pick our way through the silent traffic, picking off any shells as we went along. We’d never been this far from South Hobart before, so we had no idea what everything would be like. “How long does it take to get there, again?” Emilia asked me.

“Four hours,” I sighed.

“Shit! How long’s it been?” Jonquil slid across the bonnet of a car to get to me.

I looked at the position of the sun, “About an hour and a quarter.”

“Damn,” she said, “But it’s okay, we need the exercise.”

“What are you trying to say?” I said slyly, “Am I getting fat?”

“No?” she said, “I just meant we haven’t got out much.”

“I’m squishy like a pug!” Emilia giggled. Which was funny because she was very much not ‘squishy’ as she called it.

We laughed for a while after that, and then we laughed again because we were laughing so much. Before we knew it, we were on the Tasman Highway. There were many houses here, but we were just looking for a shop, as we were not running out of food, but soon would start to.

We’d checked all the cars along the way, but they’d obviously been looted. It was getting harder to find good supplies nowadays. We were starting to make a farm in the backyard of House 9, as on the last trip we’d gone to K&D Warehouse and gotten seeds and fertiliser. It would be good to have some fresh food. We were near the Eastlands mall now, but suddenly a huge horde of shells appeared around the corner.

“Shit!” I hissed, “Everyone get under a car until they pass!”

Technically, I didn’t need to hide myself, but I wasn’t going to take any chances after what had happened to Jonquil. I slid myself underneath a dusty Toyota Hilux, kicking out the corpse that had died without being bitten. Jonquil joined me underneath there too, as the car was a big ute. I watched the dragging feet slowly move through the highway blocked by so many cars. The collective moaning and groaning from the shells were like a thousand bees swarming. Luckily, the horde wasn’t headed to the city, but out across to Lindisfarne. This one was a big one, two hundred at least.

Emilia was underneath a dull green Honda Civic, her knife clutched tightly in her hand. She definitely knew that she wasn’t going to be able to kill any of them, but she was ready all the same. Jocelyn and Gabrielle were both hiding underneath a black Lexus.

I didn’t tell her. She would want to look inside, but I could already see the top of a decaying head inside. Her parents too were not the victims of the shells, but of hunger and thirst, too afraid to leave the safety of the car. Suddenly, a cold hand grabbed mine and I whipped my head around, but it was only Jonquil. I held her hand back and held it tight, “Are you alright?” I whispered gently.

She looked at me and whispered, “To be honest, no. But I’m getting better, I think.”

“That’s completely okay. Healing takes time,” I comforted, “I’ll be here for you the whole way.”

She squeezed my hand, smiling. The horde was nearly past now, but we would wait two minutes before getting out from under the cars, just in case there were stragglers. After I was sure there were no more, I rolled out from underneath the car and Jonquil did the same. Emilia, Jocelyn and Gabrielle all followed. “You forget how many there really are when you’re in a safe place,” Gabrielle, “Yuck.”

“Come on,” I started to walk, “We gotta go.”

***

We approached Anaconda cautiously, as it was a gigantic building, and could be full of shells. I went first to check through the door, but fantastically there were less than twenty shells in the entire building (it was one floor). I signalled for the others and we entered Anaconda without any problems. We dealt with the shells that were there, but still had to be wary of lurking ones. I immediately went to the tool section, where they also kept survival knives and machetes and stuff. I stuffed the five machetes that were there into my backpack, and also took all of the smooth bladed knives.

Emilia was looking at the sleeping bag and camp bed section, as winter was full-on Antarctic weather in Hobart, and we needed more warm things. Jonquil, Jocelyn and Gabrielle were all in the shoe section, where the hiking shoes, runners and even thongs were. Because, obviously, it had been four months since the beginning, and we were growing. They took all the good ones and stuffed them into their packs as well. It was a miracle that this place had hardly been looted at all, though it was far from the city or any main town.

I was right underneath the skylight, looking at fishing equipment, when I heard the first creak. Before they’d had to shut it down years ago, there still stood the giant rock-climbing cylinder, which was right underneath it. I ignored it, as the place hadn’t been cared for in ages, and most places creaked from time to time. “Are you guys all good?” I asked. I’d gotten all the stuff I needed from that side of the room, and by the looks of the others they had too.

“Yeah, I think we’ve got what we need!” Emilia replied.

“All g, hisser,” Jonquil beamed.

My heart did a little backflip, but I got distracted from that when I heard a second creak from the skylight. I looked up to see what it was, but of course the glass was dusty and nearly opaque. Then I saw white lines run across the glass. There were two dark ovals on it. Feet. I should have run, I should have, but I was scared and intrigued of what was going to happen. The white lines multiplied. I had one of my feet back, ready to run, but somehow, I couldn’t. I tried to see through, craning my neck. But then it broke.

Finally, I saw what was there. A gigantic shell had been standing on it, and luckily the fall had completely smashed its head to pieces. But then the glass rained down. I got cuts everywhere and as I tried to run, tiny pieces scoured my face, leaving blood everywhere. Soon, my right eye was blind from the blood and I felt an excruciating pain in it. I yelled out and sank to the floor.

“Indigo!” I heard Jonquil say, “Are you okay?”

“Um, I- ahh- don’t think so!” I yelled, “I can’t fucking see!”

“Oh, my fucking god!” Jocelyn screamed, “Indigo, are you okay?!”

“Glass!” I trembled as I turned to face their voice, “There’s glass everywhere!”

“Holy fucking shit!” I heard Jonquil say, “Oh my god, Jesus!”

“W-what is it?” I cried.

“Indigo, your eye! It- holy fuck- it’s bleeding! There’s a giant shard!”

“Jonquil! I need-!” I panicked, “Come here! Emilia, I need you as well!”

I heard Jonquil start to sob, which confused me, “Jonquil?!”

“Richie!” she screamed, “Wake up!”

“Jonquil, stop! What are you doing?!” I heard Gabrielle yell at her. I could hear Gabrielle trying to restrain her.

I felt Emilia’s hand on my shoulder, and I felt my own shake, “Jonquil, what-” then I passed out.

I woke up, my eyes searing and I could see from my left eye through the filter of red that was blood that we were back on the Tasman Highway. We were heading back. I heard the puffs of the two struggling to hold my weight as they half-dragged me along, through the maze of cars. I could tell by the breathing that it was Emilia on my right and Jonquil on my left. “Guys?” I said, woozy from the blood loss.

“Fuck! You’re awake! Indigo, oh my god, are you feeling okay?!” Emilia exclaimed. I looked at her through the congealing blood, though I could still feel the warmness of blood dripping down my face from where my eye was.

“Um, apart from the fact there’s a giant shard of glass in my eye, I’m fine, hang on,” I stumbled off to the side of the road, where I threw up, and my blood speckled it. I spat out a mouthful of blood and collapsed on the ground, still awake, the pain blinding me even more than I was physically blind.

“Indigo!” Emilia hauled me back up and with Jonquil helped me back up. But as soon as I was back on my feet, I passed out once more. This time, I woke up and we were travelling through South Hobart again. It was deathly silent, and no one was talking. I looked to my left, and I saw Jonquil’s face. She was trying not to show it, I could tell, but I was way too heavy for her. Her face had pale lines where her tears had rolled. I weakly lifted up my arm and wiped a tear from her face with my thumb.

She gasped, “Diggie! You’re awake!”

“Yup!” I chuckled faintly.

“Okay,” I could hear her trying not to panic, “Don’t touch your eye, Jocelyn thinks you’ve lost too much blood already. She says there’s only a small chance that you’ll recover.”

“What?” I felt a deep pang in my heart. I could be dead soon. “No, I can’t have. It’s just a head wound, they always look like they are bleeding more than they actually are!”

Jocelyn snapped, “I know what I’m talking about, Indigo, there’s a very slim chance you’ll survive!”

“Hey, don’t talk to her like that!” Jocelyn said aggressively, “She’s going through enough as it is.”

Jocelyn huffed but kept silent.

I could hardly walk by myself, I was so weak, so Emilia, who was trying to be strong, was carrying half my weight. Jonquil was the strongest of my people, but still from walking for eight hours and watching me near die, she was weakened. She again carried my left side. We got to the Co-Op, and Jonquil practically screamed out for someone. Lydia and Xavier both answered, and when Lydia saw me, she went pale, “Holy shit! What happened to Indigo!”

“A skylight and a huge shell,” I replied, “Please, take me to Edie! It fucking hurts!”

Lydia and Xavier immediately opened the gate. But as soon as I was moved, I fainted. I woke up in House 7, in Xavier and Lydia’s bed, but I was too weak to even open my eyes. There was a dull throbbing in my right eye, so I reached up to feel gently. Only, there was a bandage there. I tried to open it, but when I did, I couldn’t see anything from that eye. If my eye had still been there, I would have at least seen the tiniest bit of light, but it was pitch black from there. Through my other eye, however, I saw Jonquil and Emilia. Emilia was sitting close to the door, her head rested on the wall. Jonquil was right next to me, her hair covering her face as she slept. Every time she breathed; her blonde hair fluttered. With great effort, I lifted up my hand and touched the top of her head. She straight away bolted upright, looking wild-eyed around the room, then her dark eyes rested upon me.

I smiled shyly, then said, “Am I dead yet?”

She blushed and then smiled that smile, “Well, it turns out that you really didn’t lose enough blood to die. It looked like a lot.”

“Told you,” I sat up straighter, “I’m still half blind, though.”

“Edie couldn’t save it, obviously. It had a fucking giant piece of glass in it,” she shook her head.

“Ah, well,” I said, “At least I can still see you.”

She laughed then, “Stop, you’re making me blush!”

A knock on the door made Emilia wake up. She looked over at me and Jonquil, and said, “Hey, bro. How’re you feeling?”

“Alive,” I grinned, “How long was I sleeping?”

“Oh, lord,” Emilia chuckled, “Aye, like ten hours.”

“What time is it?”

“Like five in the morning?”

“Shit! And by the way, you should probably open the door.”

“Oh, yeah.”

Emilia opened the door and Gabrielle and Jocelyn came in. “Hey guys,” I said. Gabrielle’s dirty blonde hair was quite dishevelled, she’d obviously not slept, while Jocelyn’s eyes were obviously strained. “Are you going to live?” Jocelyn asked.

“Yeah,” I said, trying not to show that I was really upset on the inside. It didn’t make sense, if you thought about it, but now I had only one eye, and had a blind spot to my right. I was weak, “I will.”

“Coolio,” Gabrielle said awkwardly, her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

“Um, so, how are y’all feeling?” I blinked. Well, I guess winked. I had one eye now.

“That’s not important,” Jocelyn said waspishly, but then calmed herself, “I wanted to apologise to you, Indigo. My prediction was wrong and I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“Hey, it’s all good. I know you were all really stressed,” I understood.

They nodded, keeping her gaze to the floor.


	20. August 9th, 2019

“Come on, little J! There’s a couple around there but if we go fast, we can avoid them!” I yelled, dodging a shell.

“I’m coming!” Jonquil called back.

I smirked, “That’s what she said!”

“Fuck you!”

“Do it yourself, you coward!”

“Goddamn!”

Jonquil made it past the group of several shells and front-flipped over the fence of the house. My cheeks blushed as she winked.

“What did you get?” I asked as we walked up Cascade Road.

“Some shirts, a pack of triple A batteries and a tin of Milo,” Jonquil said, “If you see me eating Milo tomorrow, no you didn’t.”

I chuckled, “Okie dokie.”

“What did you get, big I?” she skipped next to me.

“Please, do not call me that, dude. And I got muesli bars, a water bottle, a scrunchie and a set of kitchen knives,” I counted off on my fingers.

“Do you wanna race?” Jonquil suddenly said slyly as we walked past the Badminton centre.

“Alright, let’s go, J dog,” I finger-gunned at her.

“Wanna see some real speed, bitch?” she stopped walking, getting into a start position, me copying her, “Three, two one, go!”

She had the lead on me by a heap, being the rugby player in the pair. I puffed out really quickly after barely running any distance, which told me I definitely needed to get fit. “How ya going, slowpoke?” Jonquil yelled over her shoulder.

“I am very unfit!” I said. I was about to yell something else out, but I noticed a shell directly in front of Jonquil, and she didn’t see because she was looking at me. I quickly shouted, “Jonquil, duck!” and as she did, I threw my knife. Obviously, it didn’t take out the shell, but rather threw it off balance as the handle conked it on the head.

Jonquil was in shock as she stood up and backed away from the shell. The shell had curly brown hair, and looked similar to our age.

“I’ll take care of it,” I told Jonquil as I jogged up to it. I knocked it to the ground and stabbed it in the head. Blood spurted everywhere. Suddenly Jonquil began shaking and sobbing. She rushed to the shell and shook it, screaming, “Richie! Richie! Please wake up!”

“Jonquil, what are you doing?!” I was shocked. This was the second time she’d done that.

“Richie, please!” Jonquil acted as if she couldn’t hear me, hugging the shell, “Emilia! Please wake up!”

I pulled her off the shell, panicking, “Jonquil, what are you doing?! It’s not Emilia! It’s not Richie, it’s a shell! Snap out of it!”

“Indigo, she’s not breathing! We have to wake her up!” Jonquil’s strength faded and she collapsed, hyperventilating and shaking, tears streaming out of her eyes.

“What just happened?!” I dropped next to her, pulling her into a hug. I could feel her tears soaking into my shirt. “Jonquil, what was that?!”

“I- I don’t know!” she shuddered, “It just happened! I saw the blood and the shell, it looked like… her and I just- I saw Emilia in the bath with her wrists cut open and blood spray everywhere!” she spoke with a feverish, fast pace, as if she had just run ten kilometres.

“Wait, you, like, had a flashback or something?” I asked tentatively.

She sniffed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie, “Yeah… I just saw what I saw back then and I needed to help.”

“This is the second time this has happened, right?” I asked cautiously.

“The sixth,” Jonquil stared down at her feet, “They happen a lot, especially when I’m trying to get a shell and they look like… her.”

I had a sudden realisation, “Have you noticed yourself avoiding situations where it might trigger one of these attacks?”

She nodded, “Yeah?”

“I think you might have PTSD from Emilia’s death,” I said.

“PTSD? But, like, isn’t that just for army people and people who’ve survived mass shootings and stuff?” Jonquil looked confused.

I stifled a laugh because this was a serious situation, “No, J. Anyone can have PTSD. It can occur after any traumatic event, in your case, Richie’s death.”

“So, what do I do about it? This is really fucking inconvenient,” Jonquil bit her lip.

“I think it would help a lot if we talked about it, and how you’re feeling. That way, I know how I can help,” I said gently.

Jonquil frowned. I knew she didn’t like to talk about her feelings. We didn’t say anything as we walked back home, arms around each other. I worried about Jonquil a lot. Though she was so upbeat and confident all the time, it was very obvious that she felt her emotions very deeply but was scared to show them. I didn’t want her to bottle up her feelings but I also didn’t want to push her to talk and make her angry with me. I had felt there was a lack of communication between us lately. She smiled at me as we kept walking, but I wondered if it was real.


	21. August 15th, 2019

It was drizzly today. And cold. Emilia and I were staying at House 5 for the night, spending time with Sabrina, Hayley and Gemma. We’d be playing Cards Against Humanity for the past two hours, but Sabrina had gotten bored and started playing music off her playlist called songs for sunday church. Which were definitely not for Sunday church.

“I was born to flex, yes! Diamonds on my neck! I like boardin' jets, I like mornin' sex, woo! But nothing in this world that I like more than checks, money! All I really wanna see is the money!” Sabrina yelled as she violently jumped up and down, jamming real hard to the music.

Though the song kind of made me uncomfortable because sex made me uncomfortable, it was hilarious to see Sabrina so over-the-top. Emilia had even started bopping along. She’d gotten close to the people in House 5, spending time with them when I was with Jonquil.

The sky had gotten dark, thunderclouds swarming and hiding the sun. Though it was cold, there was a certain humidity in the air that told us we were on the brink of a storm. Not a moment after, a light flashed across the sky and the rumble of thunder followed soon after.

Then came the rain, loud and intense. It smashed down, so dense that it clouded the windows and distorted our view of the back garden. The thunder and lightning dominated the sky. Suddenly there was a loud tapping noise on the front door. I looked at everyone, who all looked just as confused, then I got up to go to the window, trying to lean on the bench, but fell over. It was farther away than I thought. Blushing, I checked out the window to the side of the door. It was Jonquil. And she looked very disgruntled.

I opened the door and Jonquil launched herself in, slamming the door behind her.

“Hey, little J. Are you good?” I asked tentatively.

She didn’t answer the question, but instead shrugged off her rain jacket. She pulled Emilia up from her chair and brought her and I close together, then inserted herself between us, “Hug me please.”

Emilia and I did, and Jonquil hugged us both tightly. Hayley, Gemma and Sabrina joined in.

“Are you okay, Jonquil?” I asked her after the hug, as we sat down together on the couch.

She muttered, “Don’t like thunder.”

“Pardon?” I didn’t quite hear her.

“I don’t like thunder, okay!” she said loudly.

“Woah, it’s okay!” I put my arm around her, “You don’t need to yell. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. Emilia’s afraid of bees!”

“Hey! That is personal business! And for your information, bees are a very valid fear. They have stingies,” Emilia blushed and stammered.

Jonquil giggled, “Okay, I feel better now.”

“Do you want some tea? I have lavender, chamomile, peppermint or chai,” I asked her.

“Could I have chai?” Jonquil thought, “With lots of sugar.”

I smiled, “Okay.”

“I want tea, too,” Emilia pouted.

I rolled my eyes, “What kind?”

“Lavender,” she nodded, satisfied.

Sabrina sat up and eyed me.

“Yes, Sab, I’ll make you some peppermint.”

Emilia sat on the couch next to Jonquil as I made the tea for them both. They’d become good friends since June, brought closer from my connection to both of them. Jonquil had her head on Emilia’s shoulder, flinching every time there was a flash of lightning. or a rumble of thunder. Some people might have been jealous, but I didn’t mind. I think that being jealous of your friend comforting your girlfriend is kind of controlling and quite a bit toxic. Besides, Emilia and I did that. It would be silly if I was upset that Jonquil and Emilia were close if I was close to her too. Plus Emilia was straight.

Jonquil and I went upstairs after tea, as Gemma had kindly offered her room up. Gemma’s room was bigger than mine, and her bed was a double. Jonquil lay on the mattress, spread out like a big starfish. She giggled as I lay next to her after giving her a small kiss on the cheek. My head was on her shoulder, and her arm was around my back. At that moment, I had a thought.

Jonquil isn’t okay.

You need to talk to her.

“Hey, J?” I looked up at her.

“Yeah?”

“Is- is there anything you wanna talk about? Like, y’know, about how you’re feeling? I’ve noticed you haven’t been quite right these past few weeks. I just want you to know that I’m always here for you if you need to talk,” I sat up and made eye contact, putting my hand on her shoulder softly.

She broke eye contact, “I don’t think I’m comfortable talking to you about it yet.”

“Jonquil,” I sighed, “It’s been two months. Surely you have to realise that keeping your negative feelings to yourself isn’t good? And every time I ask, you get angry.”

“I’m fine!” she said forcefully, her hackles raising.

“See, this is what I mean,” I held her hands in my own, “J, I’m not going to press you to do anything. But I need you to know that I love you, and you can trust me. I know you experience your feelings very deeply, and you need to know that it’s okay.”

She frowned, trying to stop herself from smiling, “Why are you like this?”

“I’m a good girlfriend?” I leaned in close to her face.

She blushed. It was always an achievement to make her blush. “Diggie-” she began.

I lifted up her chin and kissed her. I felt the zing of happiness in my heart as Jonquil kissed me back. Suddenly the door banged open and we jumped apart.

“Uh, hi y’all,” Emilia smiled awkwardly, doing finger-guns.

“Bitch,” Jonquil muttered under her breath, loud enough for me to hear.

I laughed and pulled her up. We went back downstairs and kept listening to Sabrina’s explicit music, and her surprisingly good yelling.

The rain kept going on into the night, when the wind started to howl. All six of us were huddled up underneath a blanket together on the large mattress from Hayley’s room that she and I had brought down. Since the power had gone out, there was nothing left to stop the cold, so the only way to keep warm was to either use a heap of blankets, or hug a person or five. It was freezing in Tasmania.


	22. September 14th, 2019

It was the full moon today. I had to collect moon water for this month, so I took a big jar from the kitchen and filled it with tap water. Our tanks were life-savers. I put it outside in the backyard on the small deck surrounded with rose quartz, amethyst, and black tourmaline, and set the intention.

Protection and compassion.

To all the people I love.

As I went back into House 6, I heard shouts from House 7. It sounded like Jonquil and Xavier. I sighed.

“Hey! What’s going on?!” I yelled over the top of them both as I walked through the door.

They both looked at each other, then me with the expression of a deer caught in headlights.

“Explain now,” they both started speaking but I interrupted, “Ah. Xavier first.” Jonquil death-stared me, but I didn’t care.

“Jonquil’s being so rude to Lydia! She keeps making her feel bad for needing extra food and rest! Lydia is the sweetest girl ever and doesn’t deserve Jonquil hounding her for something that happened by accident-” Xavier was cut off.

“It’s your fault she’s pregnant! If you weren’t here, Lydia would be safe and happy and she wouldn’t have to be sad all the time!” Jonquil’s face was red in anger and she looked like she was going to punch a wall.

The wall was Xavier. Jonquil drove her fist across Xavier’s face.

“Jonquil, enough!” I pushed her back, “Stop it!”

“Xavier, are you okay?” I put my hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away.

“How can you date her, Indigo, she’s so difficult! She doesn’t take anyone’s feelings into account and it’s always about her!” he stormed into his and Lydia’s room.

“What the fuck, Indigo?!” Jonquil got uncomfortably close and yelled, “Why did you side with him?!”

I got angry and pushed her against the wall, “Because you are the problem!” I looked down at her, and for once she looked scared, “You need to stop whatever this is, whatever this stupid anger is, and apologise to Xavier!”

She began to cry. A wave of guilt washed over me. “I’m sorry Jonquil, but you needed to hear that. I can help you be better, but why won’t you just talk to me?!”

She pushed past me and ran to her room sobbing. I knew I had to talk to her, regardless of whether she wanted to. She was getting out of hand.

“Jonquil?” I nudged open her bedroom door. She was on her bed, curled up and shaking.

I sat next to her and put my hand on her shoulder. I felt the warmth of her body radiate. “Jonquil, you need to talk to me. Please. I love you very much, but this is really stressful for all of us, and I can’t even imagine how bad it is for you.”

She sat up and looked at me with those deep brown eyes and hugged me. We sat there for a long time. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, “I’m not going so great at the moment.”

I smiled softly, “I could tell.”

“I’ll apologise to Zay tomorrow.”

“Good,” I said.

“You should go sleep, Indigo. I’ll talk to you in the morning,” she kissed me softly on the forehead, “I don’t wanna be the reason you’re tired tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I got up, “See you tomorrow, my dear.”


	23. November 4th, 2019

“Jonquil, can I talk to you?” I mentally prepared myself. This was going to be a hard conversation, but so many people were complaining about her recently I had to step in.

“What is it?” she looked up from washing the dishes.

“Can you come over here for a couple of seconds?” I leant against the wooden benchtop of the Common House, checking with my arms to see if it was actually as close as I thought it was.

“Indigo!” she complained, “I’m doing the washing up! Can’t you go talk to someone else?”

“No, Jonquil, I need to talk to you for a moment, please,” I was starting to understand those many people’s frustrations. What was going on with her?

She huffed, sitting on the counter next to me, “The water’s gonna be cold by the time I get back, isn’t it?”

“Jonquil,” I hopped and sat on the counter next to her, then reached out and put my hand on hers, “Is there something going on that you’re not telling me about? Is something wrong?”

“What are you talking about? I’m fine!” she protested, “There’s nothing wrong!”

“Hey,” I said calmly, “You don’t have to yell. I’m right next to you.”

She exhaled, “I’m fine.” That was definitely a lie.

I put my hand underneath her chin, lifting it up so her eyes looked into mine, “You’d tell me if there was something, wouldn’t you? You don’t have to be alone. I know how that feels, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide what you’re feeling from me. We’re supposed to trust each other, remember?”

She looked away, “I know. Can I go?”

I gulped, “Um, no, there’s something else.”

She glared, “What?”

I slid off the bench and stood in front of her, and held each of her hands in one of mine, “A couple… a couple of people have asked me to ask you to-”

“To what?” she interrupted, “Stop being such a bitch?!”

What the fresh hell? Where did that come from?! “What?!” I blurted out, “No one ever said that!”

“But you were all thinking it, weren’t you?!” tears began forming in her eyes, “She’s just such a stubborn idiot, Jonquil’s so annoying, ugh, she won’t compromise, she always looks at me like I’m the bitch! I’ve heard them all!”

“No! Jonquil, you’re none of those things! You’re Jonquil! The funny, kind, caring, pretty Jonquil!” I objected, “We’re all just worried because you haven’t been acting like yourself lately!”

“You’re the only one who thinks that, Indigo!” Jonquil pushed herself off the bench, “Just because you’re a fucking doormat doesn’t mean anyone else is! You always let people have their way! Do you even love me or do you just feel sorry for me?!”

“What are you even saying? Of course I love you, Jonquil! And I don’t feel sorry for you, I empathise with you! Feeling sorry for you is sympathy,” I felt anger rising in my throat, but I pushed it back down. I had to be the bigger person here.

“Stop with all the fucking words, Indigo! They don’t mean anything! Why can’t you just show me you love me?!” her face began to get red with anger.

“Don’t I show you every day that I love you? It doesn’t have to always be physical touch, Jonquil! Surely having someone to talk to, someone who loves you dearly, someone who loves you no matter what is worth something?!” I felt the pain in my throat that I always felt before I started crying.

Jonquil grabbed me forcefully by the collar of my shirt and kissed me, but I pushed her back.

“Jonquil, stop!” I yelled, “You can’t fix everything by blocking it out! You are becoming toxic and if you are going to continue acting like this and not do anything about it, this relationship is over!”

“It’s your fault I feel like this!” Jonquil shouted, “Why couldn’t you help me feel better after Emilia died?! It wasn’t enough! Why do I still feel like this?! It’s been four months and I still can’t stop thinking that I could’ve stopped it!”

“Jonquil, it’s none of our faults that she did that! She chose to do it and if that’s what she wanted you couldn’t have stopped it!” I argued.

“She did it because you couldn’t save Gianna!” Jonquil threw at me.

I felt something snap inside me, “What did you say?” I said, dangerously quiet.

“I- I’m sorry-” she began.

“You didn’t even fucking know, Jonquil! I was the only one who noticed and tried to help and you have the fucking audacity to blame me for Gianna and Emilia’s deaths?!” I raged, “No wonder no one can stand you, all you do is blame your problems on other people who tried to do better! You are so fucking out of line and I keep making excuses for you because I’m just a doormat, aren’t I?!”

Jonquil was silent. In shock.

“You either sort yourself out and we fix whatever needs to be fixed together, or we’re over. I will not be an innocent bystander for you to blame your problems on!” I stared down at her angrily.

She kept silent.

“Alright then. I see how it is,” I walked to the door, “Goodbye, Jonquil.”

I saw her collapse to the ground sobbing, and I wanted to help. But Jonquil was in the wrong. It wasn’t her fault, or mine, that Emilia had killed herself. But it was Jonquil’s fault she wouldn’t get help. I had decided I wasn’t a rehab for broken people.


	24. November 18th, 2019

The ladder rattled as someone climbed up it to share the watch with me. “Indigo,” a familiar voice greeted me. One that I didn’t want to hear.

Jonquil sat next to me, leaving a gap of about fifteen centimetres between us. She put her hand down, next to mine, but I pulled my hand into my lap.

“Indigo?” Jonquil said tentatively.

I kept silent. For some reason, there was a lump in my throat. I tried swallowing but it was difficult.

She sighed, “Can I talk? Even if you won’t listen, can I just say something?”

I persisted in my silence.

She gulped, “Well, first off, I hope you’re okay. What I said to you was horrible and I wish I never said it.”

I scoffed. She ignored it and continued, “When I was saying those things, I was extremely over-exaggerating everything that was happening. My friends do care about me and it was my fault for pushing them away when I really needed them. The thing is, I’ve never been good with talking about my feelings. I’ve been so messed up since the start and I didn’t want to show it because I didn’t want to seem weak because no one else was showing it.”

My eyes pricked. Tears started forming. But I stopped myself from speaking. I frowned to keep myself together.

“Indigo, I’m so sorry!” Jonquil began to cry quietly, “I was so messed up inside and I took it all out on you and used all the things you hate about yourself against you! It was the most horrible thing I’ve ever done to anyone! I didn’t know how to communicate and tell you what I was feeling and I just had so many different emotions that they just burst and in anger and confusion! I blamed all my problems on you and it made me feel so ashamed and disgusted of myself that I threw up afterwards. I don’t want you to forgive me, I know I don’t deserve it, but I want to know if there’s anything I can do to make it better.”

“I know I’m a piece of shit and everyone hates me now, but I wanted to say I’m so, so sorry and if I could take it back, a million times I would! I would have told you before, but…” she inhaled, “I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a few months before the start and it’s been difficult realising that I do need extra help. I know that my mental illness isn’t any excuse for what I did to you and I hope that everyone knows that. What I wanted to say is I’m so sorry. And I mean it. I’m so, so sorry.”

I couldn’t stop myself from speaking, “I… don’t know what to say to that,” her confession mixed up everything again. I didn’t know what to feel. “Jonquil, when you… said those things before. It broke my heart. Like, I mean, really broke it. I wish I wasn’t focused on everyone else; I wish I was better at helping everyone including you! I wish I could have saved everyone! Don’t you realise how much I’m terrified, every day, that I shouldn’t be where I am? I didn’t choose for this to happen. I never wanted to be a leader; I was always the one who followed other people. But that day, right at the start, when I saw you near the door, running away from Gianna and Elodie, I wanted to keep you safe and everyone else. I have to care for everyone, even though I don’t want to! I don’t know what I’m doing, I’ve never done this before!”

“Well, you’re doing well, considering,” Jonquil smiled at me.

I nodded, avoiding eye contact.

We sat there for a few more minutes.

“Jonquil,” I spoke into the silence. She sat up and looked at me. “If we’re going to be together, you have to promise to tell me how you’re feeling, the truth, and not get angry. You’re going to let me speak. In turn, I am going to listen to you. Please think about it before saying anything.”

She listened, and thought. I heard her take a few deep breaths before looking back at me, “Indigo. I really love and care about you. And I’m gonna try and be better. Speaking about my feelings is really hard, but I know it’s important, to me and to you. So I’m going to try.”

And she did.


	25. December 31st, 2019

We sat on the roof of the observatory that was planted on the right side of Mount Wellington’s summit. We had spent all day travelling back and forth with our jumpstarted Toyota Hilux, bringing blankets, pillows, sleeping bags, food and our clock. We set our covers and sleeping bags in a circle around the centre, where we had made a tiny campfire. Jonquil and I were on the higher ridge at the top, facing off the sheer cliff of the Organ Pipes, down into Hobart City.

As our side of the world had Summer in December, January and February, we would be safe from snow and ice. And though that was the case, we still had quite cold nights, so the campfire was the measure we had taken for that. I couldn’t believe that the end of the decade was here. From November until now, I’d also been making a calendar for 2020. It was a leap year. That was when the Tokyo Olympics were going to be.

“Hey, Indigo? Can you pass me the matches?” Maude asked me, taking my attention off the majestic view off the summit.

“Um, yeah sure,” I chucked the matches over to her, “There you go, Cottie.”

“Nice, thanks,” she began striking the match and soon the campfire crackled.

***

I noticed Jonquil staring sadly out into the air, towards the river. Tears were slowly dripping down her face, and her body shuddered. No one else seemed to notice. I sat next to her, “Jonquil? What’s wrong?”

She turned to look at me, “It’s so unfair.”

“What is?” I shuffled a little closer.

“That I should be alive when there are so many other people out there that are better than me that are dead,” she blinked her tears away, “I wish they were here.”

A sudden pang of sadness punched my heart. I’d been thinking that too. Since June, I had been so preoccupied with Jonquil and dramas like that. Most of the spare time I’d ever had since then I’d cried in. I never forget about them; I just forget to say it. Tamara Jones, my second-best friend. She had blonde hair, and green glasses… no pink glasses. She was funny. Played Minecraft with me at lunchtimes. Could solve a Rubik’s cube in twelve seconds. Was tall as well, but not as tall as Tsubame.

Tsubame Hopkins. I hated her, but I still had the friendship from school stuck in my head. She used to be sort of funny as well. She had light brown hair. Blue eyes. She was obsessed with horror movies and her favourite was… Chucky? No, she hated Chucky. Friday the 13th was her favourite. Jason Voorhees.

Jamie Wilkins. My oldest friend. Strawberry blonde hair. Hazel eyes. Shorter than me. Shorter than Jonquil too. He loved his chickens. They were what got him killed. So dumb. He was a really good artist too.

I gulped my tears back, “I know it’s unfair. But don’t ever think that it should have been you.”

“But what if it should have?” Jonquil let out a rattly breath, “Elodie was my best friend, Indigo. I lost her on the first day! I watched as Gianna’s dead body, another one of my best friends, ripped open her stomach and started eating her guts. And I couldn’t help!”

“No one could’ve, Jonquil,” I put my hand lightly on top of hers. But I lied. I could have.

“But I left Bridget in there too,” Jonquil put her head on my shoulder, “And Kara.”

“You didn’t leave them, I made you get up the ladder before I could find them. It’s not your fault.”

She began crying quietly again, “But Indigo, what about everyone else? Richie? She was my best mate and played rugby with me! Loud, sure, but so am I! Calling me J Dog all the time? Maera? The perfect student, As on everything and on top of that, a nice person? The rower who got up at ungodly hours to get frozen to death? Indigo, I miss them so much!”

I put my arm around her, my bottom lip wobbling, trying to stop myself from crying. It hurt to see Jonquil like this. And know what she was feeling. We would never get to see these people again. Our closest friends. I still had Emilia, and Jonquil still had Gabrielle, Lydia and Jocelyn, and we had each other, but they weren’t enough. You can’t replace good friends with silence and tears, pretending that it isn’t like a knife in the heart to start to forget their voices, what they looked like. How long ago you lost them. And how they still hurt.

“I know,” I said, “I miss your friends too. Emilia used to include me in games in German. Maera used to talk to me a lot. Elodie, well, I think she hated me, but still. Bridget and Polly were hilarious in dance. Kara used to always ask for my laptop charger in Humanities.”

She let out a little laugh, facing me, “Do you miss your friends?”

I pressed my lips together, holding in the sadness, then said, “Yeah, I really miss them. Tamara, Jamie, Cherry, Salem, Lucy… and Tsubame. She was terrible after the start, but before she was a good friend. And I miss that part of her.”

Suddenly, Ritchie walked up behind us and asked, “Hey, are you guys okay?”

We turned around. Everyone was watching us.

“Fucking weirdos, leave the hisser and I alone!” Jonquil hurriedly plastered a smile across her face, brushing away the tears.

McElroy raised her eyebrows at me.

I smiled bittersweetly at her, “We’re fine, just missing people.” Then I said quietly to Jonquil, “It’s okay, J, they just care about us.”

She nodded, “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?!” I wavered my voice, “You didn’t do anything wrong!”


	26. February 4th, 2020

We were scheduled for a hunting trip today, scavenging and checking traps along the way. Up and dressed by eight in the morning, we met in the Basin. Me, Emilia, Jonquil, Gemma and Polly. We all had our weapons, knives, two bows and Jonquil’s crossbow. That was the good thing about our long-range weapons. You could always collect the ammunition back.

To start off, we went down the back of the Co-Op, into the dense bush. Our aim today was to get a wallaby or two. Pademelons would be good too, as they had extra fat.

We climbed over mossy, decaying logs as we climbed up the other side of the hill, looking all around for noises, whether it be for food or shells. Jonquil and I were stationed at the front, along with Emilia, and Gemma and Polly were behind us.

“It’s hot today, isn’t it?!” Polly exhaled loudly.

“I know, right?” Jonquil agreed, “It’s like that day we had in Year 3!”

“You ain’t even have to specify and I already know what day you’re talking about,” Emilia said, “That was the day when we went on that excursion and you hit your head on the sea cave roof and we all had to go home.”

“Everyone was shoving me! I was a midget!” Jonquil protested.

“You still are,” I smiled cheekily.

“Well you’re tall!” she said defensively.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, grinning, “It’s good being like five inches taller than you”

Then as we got to the top of the hill, Polly started to laugh, “You guys are tiny compared to me!”

Gemma rolled her eyes, “You are the tallest girl in the group, Polly, of course we’re tiny compared to you.”

I started to laugh but I heard the snap of a twig and I shushed everyone. Food. I saw something move behind me and I turned around quickly. Nothing. I tried to jump over a log to reach where I’d seen movement, but again, I had misjudged the distance between me and the log. I tripped over and fell on my face. “For fuck’s sake,” I swore, muffled as my face was still in the leaf litter.

“Come on, Diggie. Up you get,” Jonquil jumped over the log and helped me up, “Poor thing.” she brushed the dirt off my face and kissed my cheek. But once we turned back to the others, we noticed there were figures behind them.

“Oi!” Jonquil yelled brandishing her knife, and ran past befuddled Emilia, Gemma and Polly. The figures weren’t shells.

“Okay, what the hell is going on,” I muttered, then yelped as I was struck in the head with something heavy. As I fell, someone caught me and dragged me away.

I heard and saw glimpses of Jonquil, Emilia, Polly and Gemma, shouting and running away from these people, passing out all the while. The blow had struck me above my dead eye, leaving me senseless and uncoordinated. I had flashes of consciousness while slipping back into unconsciousness every few seconds, being passed out for longer and longer. “No!” I heard someone yell. Black. Someone holding someone else back, the two struggling as the smaller of the two tried to get free, trying to reach me. Black. “You can’t take her!” Black. Gravel crunched as a crude wooden sled with me on top was dragged across it. Black. A tall, faceless figure looked down at me with contempt. Black. I reached out weakly with my hand, grasping the sleeve of a girl. Black.


	27. February 5th, 2020

“Hey! Ranga! Open your fuckin’ eyes! Oh, shit!” I was woken up roughly by a pair of hands shaking me. The room was brightly lit and there were two small blacked out windows. I could hear dead scraping and moaning, so I knew I was properly awake. I went to raise my hand to shield my eye, but I found they were tied behind my back. Then I saw I was tied to a wooden chair. I heard another girl in the corner behind me that I couldn’t see, but I knew she was one of this boy’s group because they were discussing me.

“She’s lost one of her eyes too! Fuck, she must be good to survive this long, did you get the rest of her group?” the girl said.

“No,” the boy replied, “they ran off as soon as we got her. I noticed one of ‘em had to hold this other girl back from us, though. She was shouting something like, ‘You can’t take her!’ and then the one that held her back said they would get her back. Fat chance!”

I recognised who they were talking about. Jonquil was obviously the one that tried to get me. Emilia must’ve tried to stop her. “Jonquil…” I mumbled.

“Oh, look! She’s alive!” the girl said sarcastically, “We have to question her now that she’s ‘awakened from her slumber!’”

Immediately I recognised the voices and the boy’s face. I straightened my back and looked directly into the boy’s eyes with my one good one. I cleared my throat and said incredulously, “Andy?”

And Andy Mendel stepped back in surprise and without taking his eyes off me, said to the girl in the corner, “Lucy… She knows me… And I know her… It’s- it’s Indigo Freudemann.”

Despite what I’d first thought, Andy wasn’t the leader of this group. That had not been what I’d call a shock, though. Dean Tucker was always a bit like us, as he had been in Emilia’s tutor. I had been surprised, however, when I’d seen how many people had actually been saved by him. James Webber, Andy Mendel, Hamish D’Adonio, Finlay Christopher, Griffin Peakes, Patrick Werther, Maude McManson, Lucy Sampson, Matilda Summers, Payton Reeves and Salem Rutherford. I was so elated when I learned Salem, Payton, Lucy, James, and Matilda were alive. I’d just assumed when we lost them that they were dead.

After hugging everyone for at least ten minutes, I started to ask them questions about everything that had been happening.

“How the actual fuck did you escape?!” I was bewildered. I was seated at a small carved table crammed with about 15 odd chairs, all filled with people that I’d once known.

Salem explained, “We were at the back, and we were trying to run, we were, but we couldn’t. The zombies grabbed Rhea and Leila and well, that paused the rest of them, but they saw us as we were trying to get ahead. They abandoned Rhea and Leila, so we escaped into one of the rooms. We stayed there for ages. I can’t really say exactly, maybe like an hour? They went away then. We heard screaming, so we thought there must be people outside. Well, the zombies were distracted, and they left. We stayed for another five minutes just to make sure they were gone, then we left too.”

“Where are we? Did you come here first?” I asked.

The group exchanged glances with each other, then Dean spoke up again, “No, we’re in the tip shop.”

“What! You’re in the fucking tip shop?!” I yelled in disbelief, “That’s right next to us! How did you stay there for a year without even finding us or us you?!”

Maca (Maude McManson) gasped, “The blue houses! Are you saying that’s where you are?”

“Yes! That’s exactly where we are!” I said, exhausted from all the talking, “But you haven’t been here the whole time, have you? We raided it on the second day, and no one was there.”

“No,” Payton said, “We were at the school.”

I feigned a facepalm as I said, “That’s an even worse place, but honestly if that wasn’t where it started, I would’ve stayed there too. Food, water, weapons, what more could you want?”

“Wait, what? It started at the school?” James questioned.

“You all knew Tsubame Hopkins, yes?” I ventured. They all nodded. “She started it. She created it to, as she put it, ‘rid the world of the inferior race’. She went mental after it began. She killed eight people last June, that’s when she told us what she did. She… she was my friend. But she killed my people, so I had to kill her.” Tears began to form in my eyes, but I brushed them away. I would shed no tears for Tsubame.

I realised the room had gone silent. I looked up, sighed and stood up. “I’ve killed more people than I can count, most of them already dead, but Tsubame was the only one who truly deserved it. Can I go back to my people now?” I have to get back to Jonquil, I thought.

“How did you lose it? Your… eye?” Lucy asked tentatively.

“It was in July of last year. McElroy, Jonquil, Gabrielle, Lydia and I were in Anaconda which is in Cambridge. We were supposed to be getting weapons and supplies. But since it started, the roof hadn’t been checked obviously, so the ceiling was crumbling a little. You know how Anaconda used to have a rock-climbing pole thing in the middle with a skylight over it? So, what happened was a section of the roof collapsed because a shell fell through, so the skylight shattered, and I just happened to be right beneath it. You can imagine what happened next. I got a large glass shard in my eye and fortunately, we had Edie at home. But I had to walk back there, across the bridge and up to South Hobart which took about four hours. By then I’d fainted from the pain. I don’t remember much, but the next clear memory I had, only half my sight was there.” I shuddered.

There was a long, awkward silence. They didn’t really know what to say. “Sorry for that. It’s a freaky thing, but you asked first.”

“Wait, do you have Lydia, Gabrielle and Jonquil still?” Matilda asked apprehensively.

I smiled. Matilda didn’t yet know about either of the things that had happened. “Yep, they’re still with us!”

“Who else do you have?” Aarav called from the opposite side of the table.

I tried my best to remember everyone, “Um, yeah, so there’s about 26 of us. Me, McElroy, Rae, Maddie, Sabrina Turner and Sabrina Chapman, um… Lydia, Jonquil, Gabrielle, Jocelyn Whitaker, Polly, Maude Cotton, Edie Norris, Hayley, Gemma, Roger Cameron, Sam Chambers, Sam Gilbert, Xavier, Ritchie and Gabriel.”

‘Where are you holed up?” Salem questioned.

“Didn’t I already tell you that?” I laughed.

“They’re living at the blue houses, Salem,” Maca said.

“There are a lot of blue houses,” Salem frowned.

“We’re currently living in the old community housing place called the Co-op. I used to live there before. There are 12 houses, yes, they are blue, and I’m in the sixth. When can I go back to them?”

“Just one more question, Indigo,” Finlay abruptly interrupted.

“Mm?” I answered apprehensively.

“Would we be able to come back with you?”

For a moment I was stunned. He sounded so anxious. I replied, “Why?”

“The tip shop isn't safe anymore, we’ve been attacked four times by other groups, all adults, and it’s breaking down,” Griffin said.

“So, you want to come back with me?” I asked apprehensively.

"Yeah, is that okay?" Lucy asked, "Do you have enough space?"

"Actually, yeah we do," I said, "I think everyone would love it if I brought back some lost friends."

"Okay, guys, let's pack I guess," Dean shrugged, smiling.

As everyone was getting their stuff together, rolling up mattresses that had been laid around the cold, concrete floor, Salem sidled over to me.

"Hey, Salem," I smiled brightly. It was incredible to see them. She hadn't grown at all, but his hair was about 15 centimetres longer than it was last time I saw them, the grey-brown sheet reaching down almost to her waist.

"A lot of stuff happened to you guys, didn't it? Like, I mean, real shit," Salem asked.

I exhaled, "A lot of stuff did happen."

"Can you tell me it while I pack?" he bent down to stuff a woollen shirt into a dirty old pack.

"Yeah," I said, "Best fill you in."

"After you guys were lost, we ran through town to the bus mall, where we made this old guy called George, he was the driver sorry, take us up to the junction between Huon Road and Strickland Road. We walked down to the Co-Op from there. That's what the cohousing's called. The next day, we went to get Jamie, but he was attacked and killed by a shell just as we got there. Trying to save his chickens."

"Sorry for interrupting, but what's a shell?" Salem shoved a pair of torn leggings into the bag.

"Oh, it's what we call the zombies. I just think that 'zombie' is a dumb word. I'll explain later."

"Okay, continue," they nodded.

"Then the day after that, Jeannie was killed. It was here, actually, she helped us escape but it was too late for her," I said, shivering. It was cold in here. "Nothing really happened until June. That was a shitfest. First, I found out that Lydia was pregnant-"

"Lydia's pregnant!" Matilda exclaimed from behind the bookshelf, peering around, "What the fuck?!"

"Ehe, yes..." I said awkwardly, "And then after that, on the 20th, Tsubame... did that. Killed eight of us, two more deaths because of it. Emilia Richardson and Jonquil also got bitten, but I... I somehow saved them. I found Tsubame's writing and she wrote about a cure. It was my blood. Apparently, I'm sort of immune to the virus or whatever."

"Holy moly, really? Do you know why?" Hamish asked.

I shook my head. "After healing them, um..." Jonquil and you have been together since then. "A week later, Richardson killed herself. House 7 kind of collapsed then."

"Who's in House 7?" Payton sat on the wooden chair to Salem's right.

"Lydia, Xavier, Gabrielle and Jonquil," I said, "Then my eye thing happened in July, you already know about that. Then on the last day of last year, Gabe and Gabrielle got together. And you're up to date!"

"Dang, that's a lot, have you been attacked yet?" James had his backpack hitched on one shoulder.

"No, luckily," I sighed.

Salem eyed me suspiciously, "Indigo, can I talk to you for a moment, in the office bit?"

I raised an eyebrow, "Uh, sure?"

"Come on," she dragged me by the wrist into the office.

"Now," a smile spread across their face, "How's Jonquil doin'?"

I blushed, "Well, she's good considering."

"Have you told her yet?" Salem clapped his hands together, grinning.

"Actually, we've kinda been together since I healed her bite-" I started.

Salem interrupted, "Oh my god, and you didn't tell me right away?!"

I looked down, a little embarrassed.

"Aha, the ship is sailing!" Salem shot her hand up in the air, "I bestow the name Indiquil!"

I began laughing, "Indiquil?! That’s what Jonquil calls us!"

“We must be telepathic," Salem chuckled.


	28. February 6th, 2020

It was the next day when we went back to the Co-Op. We quietly approached it from the back, as I knew that if we were seen and not recognised, we would be killed on sight or less dramatically we would be captured. I knew which ways had traps and which ways didn’t, because I had made most of them. But I had one better. I knew Gemma and Hayley had watch duty exactly now, and they would recognise me. The best entrance from the side was the gate that led onto the patio next to the common house. We’d boarded up the gate, but I knew where the key was hidden, just in case one of us got locked out.

I slipped the key from out underneath the rock and was about to unlock the gate when I heard Patrick say what a good setup we had. I turned around, smiled and thanked him. Then I clicked the key into the lock and the heavily reinforced gate swung open. I saw the watchers on the roof, but they fortunately did not see us. I paced over to the middle of the MUHR, Mark’s group behind me, and I shouted out with a big grin on my face, “I’m home!”

Doors began to open slowly on each side of the pathway, and my people stepped out. At the end, the door of House 7 opened. Jonquil and Gabrielle peered out. I sharply breathed in excitedly when I saw her and when she recognised me, she yelled, “Indigo!”

Gabrielle let out a squeal, as usual. Jonquil began to sprint towards me, her distinctive smile spreading and lighting up her face. I sprinted towards her as well, and we met in the middle. We slammed together with so much force that she almost fell over, but I caught her and pulled her up. We hugged fiercely for a moment, then we released each other, and I stepped to the side and with my arm I pointed to Mark’s survivors. I smiled at her, “I brought some friends!”

Jonquil gasped when she saw who I had. Though Matilda had not directly been one of her friends, she had been one of Lydia’s best friends and so they knew each other quite well. “Matilda!” Jonquil exclaimed and hugged her too. “Where did you go?!” she said to me, “Who took you?!”

I chuckled, “I’m afraid you’re looking at them. They didn’t recognise me! They- Oof!”

I was close to being winded as something charged into me from behind and I doubled over, wheezing.

“Indigo!” Emilia said joyously.

“Ah, milady!” I laughed as I hugged her, “Ah it’s so good to see you guys!”

All my people swarmed us all and happiness reigned highly that day. Maude Cotton and Polly reunited with Maca; Lydia, Jocelyn and Gabrielle grouped up with Jonquil and Matilda (Matilda gasped, wide-eyed when she saw Lydia with her big belly); Gabriel, Aarav, Xavier, Roger, Sam Chambers, Sam Gilbert and Jacques met with Andy, Ritchie, James, Mark, Finlay, Griffin and Hamish. The boys used to all be friends with each other. But now after death had taken so many of us, we all had to be friends with everyone else.

“So, you and Indigo are a thing?” Matilda asked cautiously.

Jonquil nodded, “You know, I don’t understand how I was ever attracted to just dudes. Indigo’s, like, my non-homie homie.”

“Homo,” I cut in, then began to laugh.

Jonquil began laughing too, “Honestly, I don’t know why I even bother.”

“Well,” Matilda couldn’t help but smile, “You guys are cute, I can’t deny.”

“We queerin',” Jonquil finger-gunned at Matilda.

“I have missed you, J Dog,” Matilda shook her head, chuckling.

I noticed Emilia out of the corner of my eye, trying to get to Hamish through the crowd. I kept on glancing back, intrigued. Finally, she got to him and said, blushing, “Hey Hamish. What’s up?”

“Oh, hey Emilia,” Hamish looked confused, “I’m good, I guess. You’re like Indigo’s co-leader, right?”

Emilia blushed even deeper, “Oh, I guess so. She’s not really the leader though, she just took us here. It’s like a democracy, ha.”

“Cool. Oh, I forgot to ask, how are you?” Hamish looked her in the eyes, which made her flustered.

“I’m rootin’ tootin’. Fun and funky,” she said.

I snorted, causing her to look wild-eyed at me, silently telling me ‘help! I’m panicking!’. I decided to rescue Hamish, as he was looking a bit awkward. Emilia was doing the straight equivalent of gay panic, so I made sure she didn’t embarrass herself.

“Hamish, come over here,” I said wearily.

He looked confused, and Emilia widened her eyes at me, obviously thinking, “what the heck are you doing, Indigo?!”.

“Um, hey,” he said, confused, “Is there something wrong? Also why is Em being so awkward? Is he- she okay?”

I smiled when he said Em. “No, I just wanted to make sure everything’s okay, I’m just asking everyone.”

“Yeah, no, I’m good,” Hamish mused, “Bye, then.”

“Bye,” I walked over to Emilia with a smug look on my face, “He called you Em,” I said in a teasing sing-song voice.

“Lots of people call me Em,” the red in her cheeks rose.

“Mhm, sure… anyways, what I was going to say was… I’m now calling it Hamilia,” I grinned cheekily.

“What?!” Emilia bulked, “I was just talking to him, it doesn’t mean I like him!”

“If you say so… but you just did the hetero equivalent of gay panic, which I am a master of,” I began to walk towards Jonquil and her friends, but not before whispering, “Hamilia!”


	29. March 17th, 2020

“Dinner!” Hayley called from the kitchen of the Common House. Tonight, we were lucky, as the carrots we’d planted in January had finally grown, and we had been lucky enough to kill a feral chicken. 

“Yum, Hayley!” Polly called from the end of the table, “Look at this!”

“How are you so god at everything?!” Rae exclaimed.

Hayley blushed gracefully but said nothing. I looked around at all of our people, laughing and scoffing down the rare feast. I focussed on Edie, who had had a dream of becoming a doctor, before the shells came, and she had been the one to heal many of us. It was good to know that we would have more medicinally trained people so that injuries could be healed. After all, Edie had saved my face and my dead eye, and I wasn’t about to forget that.

Jonquil sat to the right of me, conversing happily with Gabrielle, while to the left of me, Emilia was trying to hide the fact that she was giving some of her chicken to Hamish. I was content with listening to the happy sounds of my people and eating the most delicious dinner I’d had in a long time. “How are you finding it?” I suddenly asked Emilia, smirking. She whipped away from the right, where Hamish was smiling.

“It’s delicious!” she said, a sheepish grin spreading across her face, “I swear I did eat some!”

“Well, how about that!” I laughed, “Did she really eat some, Hamish?”

Hamish giggled and said, “Yes, she did.”

I sat back up, smiling widely as Jonquil put her arm around my back, and I did the same. The twilight was fading now, and that always reminded me of when she and I shared that watch together, just before Tsubame had done what she did. It had been almost a year since the start of this. June was in three months. It was hard to believe it’d been a year since then, so much had happened.

“How was that for you, Jonquil?” I asked.

She grinned cheekily, “It was-”

“Yummeh!” we said together, then began chuckling.

Gabrielle said slyly, “Aww, you two!”

“Fuck off?” Jonquil joked.

“I’ll be dreamin’ of your long, brown hair!” Emilia sang, reminding everyone of that song I’d sung at Tamara’s last birthday.

“You’re such a bully, you dinkle,” I frowned, trying not to grin.

The sun had set now, and Matilda and Jocelyn were setting up the assorted candles around the room. The day had tired everyone out, as it had been a scavenging day, and we’d had to go farther this time, as we were running out of places to scavenge. Jonquil was falling asleep on my shoulder again, her dark hair tickling my arm. I couldn’t feel her hair on my neck, because of course my own hair was there. It was times like these that made me wonder if living in a shell-infested world was better. If there had been no shells, we would’ve been in Year 9 this year. Jonquil and I would possibly have never connected like we did now. I looked back down at her, and she looked back up at me. “How did I end up with you? I love you so much,” I smiled.

She booped me on the nose and replied, “Because somehow you fell in love with me, and I did the same to you. I’m lucky to have such a deep affiliation with our leader!”

“I knew you only wanted me for power,” I grinned, “Rascal.”

She hugged me tightly and rested her head on my shoulder.

Suddenly, Lydia let out a pained yelp from down the far end, next to Xavier and Polly. “Lydia, are you okay?” Xavier asked, concerned. She said nothing but looked panicked at me and then Edie.

“Shit,” I clenched my teeth. Of course, it would have been expected around this time, but Lydia wasn’t ready, and neither was I as a matter of fact. “Edie, I think it’s happening now,” Lydia hissed.

“Why, what?” Xavier looked bewildered.

“Well,” I began, “Did you know that pregnant women have to give birth? I know, fancy that! It just so happens that your child is going to be born today!”

“Oh, no, no, no!” he flustered, “Lydia, please tell me it’s not now?!”

As if to purposely contradict him, a sound of water hitting the floor came about, signalling the breaking of water.

“Oh fuck, oh fuck!” Lydia breathed in heavily, then let out another cry of pain.

Edie looked determined, “Okay, Lydia, I’m gonna ask you to stand up; Polly and Sabrina Turner help her. Xavier and Indigo, come with me-”

“What about us?” Luce asked, “Can we help?”

“Yes, get me a bucket of hot, soapy water, and two towels, no make that three,” Edie commanded.

We helped Lydia, crying in pain, down the patio stairs and hobbling down to House 7. I kicked open the door and we rushed to get her onto her bed. She passed out for a minute but woke up again with an even louder yell. Lydia was now sobbing uncontrollably, “Zay, it hurts so much, it hurts so much!” she screamed as she crushed the life out of Xavier’s hand with hers. Xavier was sitting beside her, saying nothing, but by the look on his face, he was terrified. “Edie is something wrong?! She’s in so much pain!” he desperately asked.

“This is normal, Xavier. Keep holding her hand though, it will help if she knows you’re there!” Edie shouted over Lydia’s screams.

“Edie, do I need to do something?” I asked frantically.

She looked at me, “Stay here, I’ll need your help.”

I nodded. Lydia had stopped screaming now, collapsed back into a faint, her swollen belly heaving. Her face was all sweaty and pale, which was very different as she always had a red face, regardless of her mood. I had to wake her up again, otherwise the labour might have taken too long and killed the child and her. “Lydia, I need you to push now!” Edie said loudly. Lydia gave an extra loud scream, but Edie was getting more excited, “Yes! Good job, Lydia. And another one… now! Good! I can see a head!”

“Ow, Zay, it hurts so much!” Lydia screamed again.

“I know, I know!” Xavier assured quickly, “It’ll be finished soon, I promise!”

Lydia half-laughed and half-screamed. 

“Lydia, one last push for the shoulders, then it’ll all be over!” Edie commanded. Lydia did as she was told, screamed again, but as she did, a tiny figure slid out into Edie’s hands. The room filled with the sounds of wailing from both Lydia and the child. Lydia’s labour had taken a remarkably short time, because I had read up on it, and most labours took at least eight hours, but Lydia’s had only taken half of that.

“Zay, it still hurts!” Lydia cried.

I was completely confused, “Shouldn’t the pain have stopped-?” but then I saw Lydia’s stomach. It had gone down, but it was still swollen, “Edie, I think there’s another one!”

“Ow!” Lydia screamed, “It hurts so much!”

“Fuck,” Edie swore. She lay what was now the first of two children on a towel, which was on a coffee table, and I took charge of it. This child took longer, almost another four and a half hours, and by that Lydia had fainted two dozen times more, but amazingly she was still going. At about 12:40 in the morning, the second child emerged and was placed next to its sibling. Finally, after seven hours, Lydia had given birth to twins.


	30. March 18th, 2020

“What are they?” Xavier asked, holding Lydia’s hand.

I looked back at him smiling, “Both girls, identical twins… Except…” I held the second born out to him, “Look.”

“Woah…” he took the girl in his arms and showed Lydia, “Lydia, look!”

Lydia didn’t say anything but was obviously confounded. The younger girl was possessed of two different coloured eyes, one brown and one green. The firstborn’s eyes were both brown. “Have you decided what you want to call them?” I asked.

“This one can be Adeline-Grace,” Lydia said, referring to the girl with two eye colours, “That’s both of my sisters’ names.”

“Can the other one be Clementine?” Xavier asked Lydia, “It was my sister’s name.”

“Of course, Zay,” Lydia smiled up at him, “They’re your daughters too.”

***

It was morning now. The sun had barely risen, and it made a dark pink glow through the morning fog. It’d taken all night and we were all exhausted, Lydia especially. But now she and Xavier were asleep, her lying in the bed and him in the chair next to her. Her head was resting on his shoulder. Edie and I were awake though. Lydia was way too tired, we had decided, and weak to stay awake for more than a minute, so we had taken charge of the two newborn girls. Before she’d drifted off, however, she had said to me their names. Then she conked out. No wonder.

Clementine and Adeline-Grace Reyes-Reeves were the quietest children I’d ever seen. They were almost identical twins, but of course Adeline-Grace had two different coloured eyes, one brown and one clover green, like mine was. Clementine’s were the same brown, a lighter shade than Jonquil’s, but darker than Emilia’s. Luna’s daughter Kat had been a quiet one, but nowhere near as quiet as these two.

Just then, Lydia coughed and opened her eyes, waking Xavier up as well. She immediately sat up, then winced in pain, “Woah, don’t be too hasty!” I said. She smiled.

“Do you want to hold them?” I asked, “Which first?”

“Clementine,” she said.

Edie carefully placed the little girl in her arms, and Lydia and Xavier’s joy filled the room. I grinned widely. Suddenly, there was a frantic knock on the door.

I frowned and passed Adeline-Grace to Edie, got up and walked to the door. I opened it and Jonquil, Emilia, Gabrielle, Matilda and Jocelyn rushed in. When she saw the two girls, Gabrielle squealed, as was her custom, “Oh my god! There’s two!”

Unfortunately, the squeal had been too loud, and Adeline-Grace started to cry. Jocelyn lightly swatted Gabrielle on the shoulder and said indignantly, “Gabrielle, you made her cry!”

Emilia, Matilda, Jocelyn and Gabrielle sat on the bed talking to Lydia and Xavier, sometimes stopping to coo at the babies, while Jonquil skipped over to me and fiercely hugged me, “How are you?” she said as she let go.

“Tired as hell, little J,” I grinned, looking up into her brown eyes that were crinkled in happiness, “Lydia and the girls are looking healthy, so that’s really good.

Matilda exclaimed suddenly, “One of them has two different coloured eyes!”

I laughed, “Yeah, her name’s Adeline-Grace.”

“And her sister is Clementine,” Lydia said weakly, though beaming with joy.


End file.
